Was my Christmas Day "abstemious"?

Cmon now, who said she “needs it” dial down the hyperbole.

@DoDoggielove
You were literally the first reply.
Why did you quote the entire OP? 🤔

It sounds lovely. I like a drink or three at Christmas and I'd have been very happy with that, nicely paced. By abstemious I assumed you meant a no booze day or one like my grandparents did with a thimbleful of wine with dinner.

She and your brother were rude and silly not to contribute to the drinks with her preferred beverage. How were you supposed to know? I would rarely have vodka in the house as it's just not something we tend to drink.

Succinct, to the point, like it.

It all sounds ok, but i wouldn't have wanted to wait until 3pm for lunch and would have preferred a more substantial evening meal too. Also, fairly restrained alcohol-wise for that many adults.

@Allihavetodoisdream Oh the irony. Freelance writer here, and quite a successful one at that. Congrats on your rich vocabulary. Long may you continue to use 10 syllables when one will do 🥂

Maybe she was expecting cocaine bumps with her champagne?

Unnecessary comment from her. She can host nxt time.

I feel really sorry for the girlfriend!

It sounds like just idle chatter comparing her family’s way of doing things with his. She said the day was lovely. There was a phase where Christmas at my parents meant a lot of booze whereas my in laws are much more sedate. It’s changed now grandchildren have arrived but I would have definitely described my in laws way of doing things as abstemious because it was by comparison. Wouldn’t have meant it as a negative just more of a descriptor. Same as despite the booze my parents was more regimented as it involved going to church etc so there were places to be.

Plus she didn’t even say it to you, she mentioned it to her boyfriend. I’m sure all of us have had a little moan/light hearted joke/comment etc about our family’s differences to our partners that you’d never say to their faces - you don’t expect it to be repeated back to them! Bet the poor woman would be mortified to find a mumsnet thread with people lining up to insult her.

Some of the comments on this thread! 🤣

She didn’t say your Christmas was abstemious, OP. She said it was ‘more abstemious than she’s used to’. So, it’s all relative. She also said it was nice.

Your Christmas sounds lovely, but very different from ours - which involved more (and different) alcohol, lots more grazing, party games and singing. So, in comparison, yours was more abstemious. If you’d come to mine and your feedback (in passing, to your partner) was ‘it was nice, but rowdier/more full on than I’m used to’, that would be a fair comment, not a slight or an insult.

She sounds lovely, you sound lovely, and I’m sure she liked you (as you’ve said you were worried about this). Your brother really ought to learn some tact, though.

Sounds perfect to me!

DB (typo)

If she needs lots of alcohol to have a fun day that says more about her than you!

Maybe suggest your DN finds someone with more personality who can have fun without being pissed

Sounds perfect. If you have younger people, teenagers and children then cracking open all the spirits and having a raucus adult style party is not going to be a responsible thing to do. Sounds like she is just used to an adult only christmas where there are no holds barred. Everyone does christmas differently I wouldnt take offence at her comments but might giggle to myself that one day she might be hosting and looking after kids and grandkids and thinking back to this time wondering what on earth she was thinking.

We'd say help yourself to alcohol rather than set times and have spirits and beer on offer so comparatively yours is abstenious but hardly teetotal.

Sounds lovely

Everyone experiences different Christmases

I experienced a few over the years spending them with DP families and friends families

They're all different and lovely in their own way

I prefer a smaller more sedate affair these days tbh where everyone is seen and heard and feels special

Larger family Christmas gatherings aren't my thing and I find them exhausting

How was she rude or a twat ffs?! She said "nice but more abstemious than she's used to". That's just an observation to me. And she didn't even say it to the OP!

Your Christmas Day sounded really lovely to me OP, please don't take her comment as a criticism, and please stop overthinking 😉

Op it sounds absolutely fantastic to me!!! If she wants hard spirits maybe she should bring her own??? Don't worry about some fancy pants girl

Never survive here so! Bulk of the alcohol was in the trifle! Not a drinking family as such, everyone does it differently. I always tell people if they want alcohol bring it as I won't have it in stock as such other than a bit for cooking with. Occasionally a new addition to the dinner table brings wine and that's fine.

From your subsequent posts, it sounds like it probably wasn't an insult, just an observation.

If she'd said it like this instead, does it feel better?

"I had a lovely time. It wasn't what I'm used to as my family are really into drinking and everyone is usually trollied by 6pm, so it was different for me but I thought it was lovely. Looking forward to next time."

I would have expected more plonk on the dinner table (but then I wouldn't have done champagne or nibbles either).

Regardless, I think it was just a comment rather than a criticism.

I don’t understand what your brother hoped to gain by sharing his girlfriend’s feedback with you? Like is he vindictive or just a bit thoughtless?? There have been times where my partner and I have discussed/criticised things after being at someone else’s house but it’s a private conversation and I’d be absolutely mortified if my partner went running back to the hosts to tell them what I’d said! Perhaps your brother just asked his girlfriend for her opinion on the day and she was honest that it was different to what she’s used to and not as boozy (which is fair enough) and she wasn’t expecting this “criticism” to be passed on to you?

Anyway, don’t let it get you down. Sounds like you had a lovely Christmas.

It was said to her partner, he passed it on. Likely as he agreed.

id have told the op it was wonderful but done the same as the girlfriend and commented on the very moderate alcohol. As a pp said, it’s two glasses each, unless the teens had a small glass, then it’s about one and a bit, over 12 hours.

For me it depends if she felt she could ask for booze without looking like a boozer and felt uncomfortable. I do t have vodka in but if I drank it would take it. Surely that's the rule- you take what you want to drink?!

*googles abstemious 🥴🤓