Was my Christmas Day "abstemious"?

I wouldn't worry about being boring. I know without a shadow of a doubt that I'm boring by many standards, but who cares? Someone who might be deemed 'not boring' by some could be 'loud and obnoxious' by another set of standards. We can only be who we are, and the variety keeps things interesting.

It sounds like everyone had fun, so focus on that.

Don't worry about it OP. It sounds like she had a lovely time.

FWIW the amount of alcohol some pps are talking about would have me asleep before lunch was even served 😂I've had one glass of wine over the entire Christmas period- it's just never been a feature of our Christmases.

Doesn't make our way of doing things any less fun or festive, I don't think.

People are just used to what they are used to. When I've been to dhs family at Christmas it centres a lot around alcohol. My family have never been big drinkers so Christmas with them is pretty light on the booze. Families tend to have their own traditions and feelings about how Christmas 'should' be done, mainly spanning from how Christmas was when they grew up, if you go somewhere new for Christmas you notice the differences and probably think it isn't the way Christmas should be as it isn't what you are used to.

After googling what it meant (never heard that word before) no its sounds like a lovely day with lots of nice things. I only drink vodka so I always take a bottle to things like this, I thought that was the norm if you're a fussy drinker.

Personally I'd be under the table at that , sounds like a lot of booze to me.
We are not really drinkers and as just the two of us , didn't bother having any .
She definitely would have preferred your Christmas versus mine !

I’m an author and had to look up abstemious 😅 Is she perhaps used to crazy and boozy? Like a Gavin and Stacy type shindig? I think you played a blinder op, and would like you to invite me next year too😉

You are who you are. You don’t need to change that. I do agree with the previous poster who said you could make things a bit less regimented - let people help themselves to drinks.

Maybe it is simply a comment/statement and not a criticism.

Why assume it is?

You heard it from your brother and not her so secondhand with no idea of tone.

She said compared to her family. Is she not allowed to voice this and naturally compare with her boyfriend?

I come from a massive family and DH from a smaller family and this statement would ring true because there is way more of us. I like that DH’s family celebrations are smaller and not as food and alcohol filled (probably because none of them questions or comments how little I eat ).

Funny enough, he finds his family overwhelming when all are around, but I don’t voice that to anyone else.

Your brother is the unreasonable one here because it was unnecessary to tell you. All he had to say was that she had a nice time.

No, it sounds lovely. She’s a cheeky madam, with her barbed comments.

What is this genius low alcohol sloe gin one speaks of !!! Marks and Spencer here I come. Please let them do this next year. Also she’s too young for him so she had to come out with something nasty to put her above it all. Sounds like a brilliant time.

OP, I would not expect shots or cocktails at a family Christmas party. I do have a friend who doesn't like wine though, or bubbly etc. Maybe that's the case. My friend is a bit coy about it - I think she feels judged. If that is the case though, it's on them to be forthcoming and just bring their own. I'm also not sure DB was supposed to say that to you - I would be mortified if I'd said that to my partner and he'd repeated it.

Your day sounds perfect to me, OP. I wouldn't enjoy a day spent with people drinking vodka.

Apart from 3pm being way, way too late for food for me, it sounds nice.

Your christmas day sounds lovely BUT as a host you should have found out what she likes to drink, I think it’s wrong to expect she would bring her own alcohol as surely that would make her feel a bit odd.

That being said, the abstemious comment was unnecessary of her and a bit rude.

Yeah, it’s this. I’m in my 20s and not a huge fan of wine, port, champagne or sherry. I like something lighter and refreshing, if not I’ll just go non-alcoholic. No point trying to drink something I don’t like the taste of.

Another thing I picked up on was the precise timings of everything. Personally I would have left nibbles and drinks out for family to help themselves instead of you dictating which drinks at 11am, 1pm, 3pm or whatever. If that happened she could have made up her own drink, instead of having to go for your exact menu at set times.

She'd hate it at my family's Christmas. Though not all of us are teetotal (by a long shot), we never serve alcohol at family gatherings.

If this comment was delivered through your brother, I'd tell him to keep it to himself next time. There are different ways of doing things, and there was nothing wrong with your way. If he and she want more booze, they can either bring more to share or host and do it their own way, another year.

Sounds a lovely day, OP, and wouldn't worry about the comment but your DB was thoughtless to share it with you.

Everyone does things differently. We usually have proper Bucks Fizz (champagne/cremant with orange juice, think it's nicer than the premixed) in the morning before we get to the in-laws.

Once there we immediately get offered bubbles (usually prosecco or champagne) and we can help ourselves but the hosts also tops up generously. I'm pretty sure most of us have at least 3 glasses before dinner with nibbles whilst we prep for serving the turkey (we don't ever do starters as the meal is so filling plus we prefer various snacks/nibbles).

Then further white or red wine with the meal (probably 2-3 glasses pp at a minimum), then pudding followed by presents with a glass in hand (nuts/snacks scattered; there is a table with chocs but most of us just help ourselves to savoury stuff) before we have cheese with red wine.

We don't do singing but like to do lots of board games or fun games with lots of silliness and laughter.

Ours run from roughly 1-9pm and in that time us adults probably have at least the equivalent of on average 1.5 bottles of wine.

I mean, how is this even possible? Half a bottle is 375ml, between 6 people that’s 62ml - a smidge over a double shot in terms of volume. 😂

It sounds lovely. Admittedly when I host I do have a lot more alcohol on offer as I like people to have choices. I wouldn't serve it exactly more like beers are in the fridge, wine is there, vodka there etc and make sure everybody was topped up.

That being said I wouldn't expect the same if I went to somebody else's house and would enjoy your Christmas day.

It being abstemious is not necessarily a bad thing. More alcohol could mean fun and dancing etc or it could mean arguments and obnoxiousness - compared to which an abstemious Christmas could be a lovely relaxing change.

If it was a negative it doesn't mean that it was generally a boring Christmas only that it was abstemious for her because you didn't have anything she likes to drink available. It just sounds like a clash of expectations / lack of communication. It probably never occurred to her to supply her own drink because with her family what she drinks is regarded as standard Christmas drinks - whereas for you that's wine and snowballs.

I think either the host supplying all drinks or asking guests to bring their favoured tipple is fine. But communication is key. If you wanted to supply all drinks you should have checked what your guests like to drink, if not you should have asked them to bring a bottle.

Did either she or your DB ask if there was anything they should bring? That's the point at which you should have said that you'd have wine, advocaat and champagne but if she wanted anything else to bring their own. If they didn't ask - then they should have.

I expect she would be mortified if she knew this had been fed back to you.

It would be light on the alcohol for us - normally it's about 1/2 bottle of champagne per person for the present opening and then as much red or white wine over lunch as wanted - I don't keep a tally and just keep the bottles coming once they are empty.

Tea or coffee afterwards and then more wine/beer/scrumpy/gin/whisky/soft as wanted. Again I don't keep notes of who wants what but no one gets drunk or argumentative over the board games. My family and guests are all adult and good at self regulation.

Not sure why your menu or brand of fizz is relevant but I think your question is entirely subjective.

If she’s used to a party on Christmas Day, your day might seem a little dry. If you’re used to a calm day, you might find her family’s Christmas Day a bit too much.

I’d be grateful to the host in either situation and wonder if she never intended her comment to be passed on to you.

I was just thinking the same thing. I’m no alcoholic but I was the only one drinking on Christmas Day and I got through a bottle of fizz and a couple of glasses of red wine on my own throughout the day.