Dp restricting the heating - red flag

Are you going to tell us what temperature you had it at @whatamidoingheree ???

I constantly turn the thermostat and radiators down. DH constantly turns them up.

I just don't sit in the sitting room in the evenings when the heating is on full as I get so hot I can't cool down enough to sleep.

If he puts the woodburner on I leave the room.

I hate the heat. Is your DH the same?

I don’t think it’s a red flag unless it’s an overreaction done in anger, he controls both of your finances tightly, or it’s at a temperature that’s so cold it would be very uncomfortable.

If I lived in a house where people kept turning the heating up high I’d be annoyed too, it’s unnecessary and expensive when you can put on thermal socks and a thick sweatshirt

No, get a grip

And depends on the house. It's often warmer out than inside our house. Think my house was built for warmer climes, cos it's amazing on a hot day.

Tight or aware of how much things cost?

It might mean you are incompatible if you MUST have the house hot and he MUST have the house cold. So it could be a red flag in that regard that you are incapable of sharing a house with both of you comfortable with the temperature.

How big is your house????? I pay £130 a month for gas and electricity combined and my heating is on for about 5 hours a day (sometimes more if I have loads of washing to dry).

I've felt boiling the last couple of days tbh.

It depends. Is it his house, your or you live together? I would worry he is tight to be honest.

It's not boiling 😂 Jesus Christ 😂

It depends.
I really, really feel the cold. Currently in 3 layers, but 5 is the norm. House is currently at 16. Heating on for 2 hours in the morning and about 3 in the evening. 20 is the highest is gets, although I would love to have it higher and have it on longer. But the bill would be massive.

If he's paying the bill, or half of it, and it's either his house or your joint house, then it's fair enough to say it's too hot. It's very expensive and some people feel the cold less. Get a little space heater and use it in the room you're in alone if you get really cold. But right now jumpers, scarves and hats are a more economical way forward. That's not to say the heating shouldn't be on at all.

We never have heating on in bedrooms and it's switched off completely when we're both in bed. Not financial considerations- just not needed.

He is uncomfortably hot (which is expensive & bad for planet). You are uncomfortably cold (and ithats miserable!). I assume you're wearing layers of thicker clothes and he's in a tee shirt?
In which case you need to compromise on what temperature you can each tolerate. It would be unusual not to be able to find a middle ground.

I'm in Scotland. We didn't put the heating on at all on Saturday and only briefly on Sunday. Neither of us thought we needed it.

I agree with other posters. It all depends on his reasons for restricting. I restrict the heat in my house too, but that is due to financial reasons. It's costing me a fortune to keep it at 18 degrees already. At night I even turn it down to 16, but that's mostly because I sleep better in a colder room with more blankets and my heating system is also kind of loud.

It depends, it can be a red flag? Is he trying to set it very low, are you trying to set it very high? You should be able to discuss this and agree on a temperature.

more input needed. How high are you putting it? are you running round in shorts & t-shirt? how are your finances? how are your finances split?

I prefer a cool house, thankfully so does DH. We are careful about spending too much money on unnecessary things like too much heating and would rather put on socks & slippers and a jumper/hoodie over turning the heaving up higher. Only then will we crank it up a bit for a while.

Too many unknowns to call it a "red flag". TBH if i were married to a DH who insisted on running the house too warm, and i was living in shorts and t-shirt, I'd call that a red flag if he wouldn't compromise

Op should have used the conversation as a starter to discuss whether they can afford/not afford and whether they should be wearing warmer clothers, shutting curtains etc.and what temperature is reasonable. Have an adult talk.

Of course it’s not a red flag in isolation. My DH is an angel, but we do lock horns over the heating. He doesn’t feel the cold but I do. Just having it on for a few hours each day is costing over £300 a month at the moment so I understand where he’s coming from, but I’d still prefer it to be warmer.

If it’s a controlling/money thing, then yes it’s a red flag. If he’s just too hot, less so.

And she has ‘made’ him remove…

Sounds like a petty, somewhat childish squabble, not a red flag. Unless of course the OP cares to fill us in on some pertinent facts which support her notion of abusive behaviour

This is very relevant, along with how long is it on for each day?

As PPs have said, it depends how high. If DH wanted the heating on 25 round the clock, I wouldn't be happy.

If you're just putting it to 18 an hour a day then he's very unreasonable.