To think this is off? Parents…

When I first read the OP I assumed it was a troll post.

Now I've changed my mind but I really wish it was.

Hello. It sounds like things have been hard for you. I’m sure the separation was difficult and being the main parent for your children and also working is tough. I imagine this is not how you thought your life would turn out, being financially reliant on your parents etc. I understand how it’s disappointing your parents are not more affectionate but it seems to me like they are trying to show their love for you in other ways. They support you financially, look after your kids, and care about what you eat and seem to be trying to do things to help you feel good about yourself. I’m almost 50 and my mum still gives me long lectures on how to eat healthily, gives me food to take home and buys me jumpers so that I keep warm. I don’t need any of this stuff but it’s her way of showing she cares. I think the real issue here is that you need to find a way to forge your own path. Your parents might be getting on your nerves but I think you are resenting the fact you need them at this point and are also taking out on them the fact you are frustrated with how life is at the moment. You now need to take steps to help move your life forward so you feel more in control and have choices. Good luck.

It sounds like they failed somewhere bringing you up. Healthy kids get enough love and support that they stop being kids and launch out as adults. It sounds like your parents managed to get you through childhood, but then sabotaged you during your teenage years to keep you dependent on them.

For goodness sake, OP. I want to shake you!

In your posts you come across petulant and childish.
They help you financially, but you choose to use money to buy tobacco. If I were them I would hate that too.
They help you with childcare, but you seem upset that they won’t babysit at night? And you’re upset they want to help other people too?

And I don’t get any help on a daily basis with anything

What-yes, you do! You get childcare whilst you work and they help you financially! They also clear up your manky fag butts! Are you seriously moaning that they should have your kids more?!

they think I’m still an adolescent I think.

That’s because you act like one!

But yet they're good enough to look after your kids while you work two jobs?

You're not a child any more, you're 50 years old for goodness sake. You've had plenty of time to change the habits from your relatively short childhood.

Clearly it's easier to blame them for how you are now, just like you appear to be blaming them for the fags.

Take responsibility for your own health, your own weight and your own addiction.

ETA: And for your own kids if you think your parents are so bad.

I am extremely thankful for what they have done for m

No you’re not.

it would be nice to make my own choices and not be criticised

Stop taking the money and free childcare.

Why haven’t you answered whether or not you live with them? How old are your children?

You're not listening to the unanimous advice you’ve received to stand on your own two feet, support yourself and your kids independently and act like the adult you are. Stop wanging on about perceived woes from 40+ years ago.

I don't see what point you can have, they sound like they are bending over backwards for you. What are you hoping for from this thread - for people to side with you on normal, conversation points where you didn't quite agree?

If they have paid a lot of money for you to get weight loss jabs, then obviously they will then have an opinion on you eating badly.

Nobody is going to come on this thread and say that you should leave cigarette butts all over the place, it's mostly adults on this thread, it's time to grow up a bit.

So they help you financially, they help you with your children, they have to remind you to clear up after yourself and they have to pay for your medical treatments?

And yet you find it surprising they still think of you as a child?

Then move out?

You sound so ungrateful. It’s a massive undertaking for them to be looking after your kids while you are at work. Not all grandparents would be that supportive.

You say you don't have a social life because they've never had the kids overnight but then also say that is mainly due to controlling ex husband.

I'm sorry you had a horrible husband but do you think perhaps you are blaming your parents for something that is much more a product of your bad marriage than their fault?

You can have a social life without grandparents taking children overnight - you can pay for an evening sitter until midnight and still go to the pub. You can arrange social activities during the day and pay for a sitter or do it while the kids are at an activity/party.

I imagine your parents are worried about you - unhappy marriage, difficult finances, poor health choices. That might then feel like they are suffocating you a bit because you know deep down that those worries are founded in reality?

You are looking for love to be expressed through hugs and visible emoting as well as ongoing financial support. They are possibly expressing love through being worried about you and trying to find practical solutions like weight loss jabs for those issues?

People express care in different ways.

Is this a joke?

they think I’m still an adolescent I think

I don't even know you and yet I'm thinking this was written by a 15 year old.

Oh, and sweep up your fag ends without being asked.

You don’t get daily help? Apart from the money that’s paying for your lifestyle you couldn’t do without, including your fags, the free childcare, the weight loss jabs at hundreds a month?

They go above and beyond on a daily basis love, and all you do is moan it’s not enough.

If you can manage alone then do so. If you can’t then suck it up.

Only clearing up fag ends etc "every so often" is not cool when you have kids around. Do you live with your parents?

Why are you blaming them for your not giving up? Just do it!

Your children need you to be as healthy as you can be. You're 50, overweight, a smoker, emotionally immature and they have limited extended family. Time to make changes to improve their long-term chance of happiness. New Year is the perfect time to start.

Your parents help financially and take care of your children while at work, yet you say they are more interested in helping other people?
What help greater than childcare and money are they providing these other people?

I appreciate being a single parent is tough but you still sound quite dependent on your parents for financial and practical childcare support for a woman in her 50s which probably adds to them infantilising you a bit

Only cleaning up your fag ends "every so often" is rank so fair enough that they point that out.

The emotional stuff - look, it's not ideal but probably of their generation. The money and childcare is showing they care. You aren't going to change them into huggy, gushing people now, it's too late. I would focus on what they do for you.

Wow, it sounds like they help you a lot already? Financially, practically (watching kids while you work) etc etc. What else do you want? "Rather spend their time helping other people"...what time is left after already doing your childcare?

They treat you like a child because you are still quite dependent on them.

I'm sure they want you to
Stop smoking and eat better as they love you.

Also just use an ashtray!

You said you are 50? You sound 15. Everything your parents are talking about sounds about right if you are so dependent on them. They help with your kids, financially help you, care about your health and you think they are a problem?

You sound like a massive child and your parents sound loving and supportive. YABU

When you rely on your parents for financial support, they do tend to feel they can have a say about how you live your life

Stand on your own two feet, then you can put in the boundaries you want

If you want them to stop treating you like an adolescent stop acting like one:

Sweep up after yourself
Pay for your own weight loss treatment
Sort out proper childcare so you’re not relying on them

You can’t expect them to pay for things for you and look after your kids for free and then be annoyed they’re not treating you like an adult who can stand on your own two feet!