To think this is off? Parents…

I don't smoke roll ups and leave the ends lying around
I don't get my parents to help with my finances
I don't rely on people for free childcare
I don't get my parents to pay for medical treatment

Just a few of the ways that I act like an adult on a daily basis

You've contradicted every single thing you have said. Every single thing, and you ask why people are questioning you. If you haven't said you're 50 I would have said you're in your 20s with young kids who needed this kind of help from your parents.

They have a say because they help you out. I don't blame them. But then everything sounds too entwined.

They do give you money from time to time which you have said you depend upon.
They also look after your kids.
They paid for your weight loss jabs.

I am a decade younger than you and I last got financial help from my parents at 25. And that was a flight ticket. I didn’t rely on them between 20-25 either. DH and I paid for our own wedding. Never had childcare help as they live on a different continent. And have never asked them for anything. Same with DH. In fact in the last ten years I have regularly sent money to my parents to supplement their pension rather than taking money from them. And DH’s parents lived with us so we could look after them when his dad got sick.

So yes I am an adult in every which way? Why are you making it sound as if being an adult at 50 is a big deal? Your parents must be 70 at least. It is surely the bare minimum…

You've gone from saying they don't help you to they offer a day a week childcare in the holidays. That's not bad going. They have also helped you financially.

Perhaps they aren't particularly affectionate or great with words but they are from a different generation.

And leaving cigarette butts around and occasionally clearing them up is quite grim.

I hope you have gathered from the responses you have received on here that you are being massively unreasonable?
You started out by saying your parents support you financially and with child care, when people pointed out you were being ungrateful you back tracked and said it was small amounts of money and a little bit of child care! You can't change the narrative just to get people to agree with you, people can see what you are doing.
Sweep your fag ends up immediately without being asked to do so, you are in your 50's not a sullen teenager.

financially I would struggle without their help and I honestly don’t know what I’d do without them in that case.

looks like you do rely on them financially 👀

I appreciate not the point of the thread - but they're expecting fast results from the eye cream😂

@BunnyLily It seems very obvious that help comes with some pretty short stings attached. I think you need to create boundaries but be prepared for offers of help to be retracted. I would pull back a bit as it sounds like you're a bit in each others pockets and you're not comfortable with that. I would (and do) pay for my own weight loss medication. In fact, I think the exhorbitant amount of money I have to shell out is a big incentive to actively put in the effort to keep the weight off rather than solely relying on the treatment itself. Take away all the crutches and live independently. That way, when you say "I'm a 50 year old woman who is perfectly capable of making my own choices", there isn't very much they can say.

It sounds as though your parents give you a lot of help, not least financially. Maybe having your children stay overnight is too much for them I assume they are at least in their mid 70s if you are 53.
What sort of help do you want in the day? I think you need to stop relying on your parents so much and take responsibility for yourself and your children. Your parents probably seem suffocating because you rely on them so much

Tbf, if I were financially supporting my 50 year old kids, I’d be quite judgy too. If you want to be treated like an adult, be an adult.

There's a long ru Ning thread on Mumsnet called something like ' we took you to Stately Homes' . It's about controlling parents and their effects on your life. You might get a more empathic response there.

Well what help are you asking for?

All you've actually asked is I don’t know if I’m being unreasonable with all of this or if I’ve got a point?

So YABU is my answer and no, you don't have a point.

They are doing it because you are letting them. You haven't left the parent child dynamic. You shouldn't have accepted them paying for weight loss jabs because that absolutely looks like you accept their criticisms of your weight, and also that they are allowed to interfere, and also that they are still parenting a dependant.
Obviously they are a bit rude and in an ideal world they'd be more loving and supportive. It must be hard for you.
But they are who they are and you know that..
You need to work on having boundaries and detaching yourself from them.
Shut it down if they make suggestions. Say "I'm not looking for advice thanks" or "it's rude to comment on what I eat"
They won't react well and you need to keep calm and to the point. Don't get into an argument. Use closed statements and walk away if they start trying to argue.
Lessen the time you spend around them.. lessen the detail you give them about your life. You are letting them believe they have the right to be this involved.
And do not let them pay for things other than birthday or Christmas gifts!! Because again this will make them feel they have some right to try and control you.. it will make them feel you only cope because of their input.
Eventually if you keep to your strict boundaries regarding not oversharing or asking for or tolerating their opinions.. they may eventually stop.

They look after them when I’m at work

financially I would struggle without their help and I honestly don’t know what I’d do without them in that case.

Well, that’s what you said.

I have a theory that parents will forever see you as their baby. Like my mum - I’ve raised my daughter and left home years ago - but she will still make odd comments as if I don’t know any better (like - does she eat her vegetables or something like that).

Every now and then she will treat me like the adult that I am - but usually if she wants something or needs to have a more serious conversation.

I believe this is more common with parent and child relationships that are strained though. I have a healthier relationship with my daughter (me and my mum are finally amicable but awkward) and although my daughter is a teen I try my best to meet her where she is and I believe we will probably grow together. I have friends that have a friendlier relationship with their parents who acknowledge the adult that they are as opposed to the child they believe they are- this takes some work.

OP, I am coming at it from a different angle and hope it adds a bit of humour.
My mum, when I was turning 40, turned up when I was getting my hair done and told the hairdresser to ‘just take off half an inch off the back’ and the hairdresser had to turn away in case she burst out laughing.
I lost my mum 12 years ago. While I was sitting with her waiting for an ambulance to come to take her into hospice care she said I should ‘bob’ on her scales. She asked me what I weighed and I told her 8 stone 4, and she told me I looked at least nine!
I was wearing some Zara trousers size 12 (which are tiny as in tall!) and she told me to get some in Reiss as I was an 8 in there.
She pre-bought my outfit for her funeral.
From when I was a toddler until the day she died, everything about me and my life was open season.
People think it’s funny, but it’s actually hard to deal with and I adored my mum. She was a lovely and very loving person, but all my life she wanted me to be the best I could be so I could have a better life.
I am in my 50’s now and if she were here she would I am sure be vocal about my weight gain and grey roots.
The one suggestion that I would make is to get counselling. Don’t bat it away.
It has helped me enormously because even though my mum isn’t here my more I still hear her voice a lot.
You have to make a life for yourself. Sadly some parents think that helping financially gives them a right to domineer.

OP your replies are confusing.

You say you pay all your own bills but then you rely on your parents financially.

You say you work two jobs but are there to drop/collect your children - how many hours are you working?

You say you have no help but then your parents look after DC and they've been to stay with their Dad for Christmas.

Parents showing care about you not smoking (it kills) is reasonable. Buying nice products as you look tired could be thoughtful.

If you want your parents to see you as an adult then maybe acting more like one might help?

How are people to know what you are trying to say

So, to sum up: you work two very part time jobs in school hours and your parents help out financially to support this, as well as providing childcare in the holidays. You were overweight until they subsided weight loss jabs, and have eaten healthily since. They would like you to stop smoking for your health, and to not leave butts around the children.
They sound supportive, but you don’t seem to appreciate the support at all. How would you manage if you didn’t have it?

they think I’m still an adolescent I think. I smoke roll ups and they constantly telling me to give up or to sweep my nub ends up which I do every so often… I said if you didn’t keep on I will give up for myself!

That sounds very adolescent. Why wouldn't you pick up the ends every time? Grim. And saying that you're carrying on smoking out of spite because they go on at you? Sounds like teenager attitude. Tbh I wouldn't want a smoker living in my house even if they only smoked putside, especially if they left fag-ends lying around in the garden.