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Original poster

AIBU to leave a man because of financial reasons

307 replies

Whatwouldyoudo26 · 28/12/2024 20:27

(Apologies with how long this is, trying to sum it all up)

I've been with my boyfriend for almost a year now.

He's funny, affectionate, social, good communication etc. I'm just struggling with the financial situation that is making me want to break it off.

So I'm 26 and he's 40. He quickly moved in with me when he didn't actually have his own place.. not planned but just happened.

He promised to pay towards rent, only did for less than 2 months. He was then asked to leave because he kept promising payment that never came.

Fast forward and we're still seeing each other, only it's nice to have my home back.

He then took my car over a toll bridge and didn't even have the £2.60 to come back over it again - I then got lumbard with the £60 fine. I kept asking for him to pay, he never did.

We went for a meal with his friends that he said he was paying for. I ended up having to foot the bill with him saying he'll pay me the next day as the money hasn't gone in his account or something, he never did.

He then promised he will pay for a set of nails in return for a big favour I did for him and nothing despite having asked since. This might sound trivial but it's the whole saying things and never going through with any of it.

He showed me where we were going to go on a family holiday (I have one child, he has two) - in the end his children's mum took them instead because she probably knows what he's like!!

He showed my parents this beautiful hotel he said he was going to take me to as my birthday treat back in July. Still waiting. Although before this he got me excited showing me a different trip up country and enjoyed telling everyone about it without delivering on it.
Heck, there's even a restaurant he said he will take me to for our first date.. still waiting.

I do feel he's got good intentions but I'm not sure how much longer I can go on with a carrot dangling. He hasn't written any of these things off, it's still in the pipeline because they cost money. Fair enough I thought as I like him for him (clearly not his wallet!) but it doesn't stop me feeling let down and disheartened by it all.

I feel like I've spent the year of our relationship just waiting for things to happen. Coming to me excited about things and holidays only for nothing to ever materialise - I'd rather him just not mention it at all than get my hopes up.

Now he wants to book for us to go to a hotel for New Year's Eve. Of course I would love this but with him owing me money (and other people money), I'd feel more respected if he sends that back to me than keep splashing the cash. Honestly I think I'm going to feel rather resentful if I do accept the hotel offer before he has paid me back what I'm well overdue.

Do I just end things here? I have quite a list accumulating and I keep holding on for the best but not sure how much longer I can carry on.

YABU - you like him as a person and I should be more understanding over the current financial situation.

YANBU - it's not fair to feel consistently let down through empty promises.

OP posts:
ReadyforSpringNow · 28/12/2024 21:54

He's a scammer. Read very similar stories so often.

RedLeicesterRedLeicester · 28/12/2024 21:53

He doesn’t respect you. A one off anyone could write off but not what you’ve said

CandyCane457 · 28/12/2024 21:51

This must be a tough decision when there are so many things about him that you do like, and aside from this you have a good relationship.

But this isn’t a nice way to live! You shouldn’t have to put up with this. I don’t know why but for me, the worst of all those situations you gave was the toll one! That’s SO disrespectful that HE couldn’t be bothered paying £2.60 (when you say he didn’t have it, do you mean literally didn’t in his bank account? As you don’t need cash for this do you, he could’ve paid on card! And if he didn’t have £2.60 in his bank account then that’s a terrible sign), so YOU ended up forking out £60! And you’ve asked to be reimbursed and he hasn’t… no no no. I think that’s abysmal.

I do think this relationship would be best odd ending. I wouldn’t end it without proper explanation though, I suggest sitting down and saying to him along the lines of “I really like you and we’ve had a great time but I can’t carry on the way we have been financially, you’ve…” and go on to list a load of these reasons you’ve given us. See what he says. Tell him if he gives you why he owes you and is willing to change immediately, you’re happy to pursue the relationship. But put him on the spot and say if he isn’t prepared to do this, or this isn’t something he thinks he can do, then it’s over.

LavenderViolets · 28/12/2024 21:51

Chuck the freeloading cocklodger out!

category12 · 28/12/2024 21:51

He's basically taking money you'd have been better spending on your dc.

The £60 fine could have been uniform, groceries, school trip, cinema, savings, something constructive for your kid. Instead it's down the drain of his thoughtlessness and selfishness.

Fuck him off.

johnyhadasister · 28/12/2024 21:49

So old, scumbag, cock lodge - you deserve much better

NeverDropYourMooncup · 28/12/2024 21:49

He's a failed cocklodger still helping himself to your finances.

A simple 'It's not working and I'm done with your false promises and lies' followed by blocking will suffice.

WigglyVonWaggly · 28/12/2024 21:48

I’m not remotely materialistic and have earned more than everyone I’ve dated long term (except my husband). I would still not put up with this. This isn’t about him not earning much - this is a 40 year old being totally irresponsible and / or tight and unable to manage basics.

FictionalCharacter · 28/12/2024 21:47

Come on @Whatwouldyoudo26 , read all of that back to yourself and imagine someone else wrote it.
He doesn't have good intentions. It's completely obvious. He's sponging off you, unashamedly.

HoundsOfHelfire · 28/12/2024 21:46

Just be honest with him. You like him and find him fun, great company but you can’t tolerate his disorganisation and disrespect with cash, the lack of rent and paying the bridge fine, the promised special occasions that never materialise.

JustmeandtheChickens · 28/12/2024 21:45

This is never going to get any better.

Finish with him.

Raise your bar.

GRex · 28/12/2024 21:45

Donkeyfromshrek · 28/12/2024 20:33

Its not the financial situation that is the issue. Its the fact that you can't trust a word that he says.

The most useful input is often short.
It isn't the money OP, get rid.

stripeystripedstripes · 28/12/2024 21:45

13Ghosts · 28/12/2024 20:53

My ex did that, all full of promises to pay back. Ended up four grand in debt after a year living with him. He took out loans in my name. He was abusive in other ways too.

Get rid of yours now before he gets you into debt.

Similar story here. And mine did the unplanned move in thing too. Get rid, OP, get rid now.

WhistPie · 28/12/2024 21:43

He's taking money that should be spent on OP and her child.

He's disgraceful.

And so's she for allowing it to happen.

Monty27 · 28/12/2024 21:42

@Whatwouldyoudo26 he's a cocklodger and always will be. You've been so compliant he's now hoping you'll finance his DC's holidays too. And that's just the start of it.

Justsayit123 · 28/12/2024 21:39

Stop wasting your life and money on this idiot. Get rid now. You’re being taken for a ride.

TwinkleLights24 · 28/12/2024 21:38

I wonder if he does have the money but is an extreme cheapskate.
My ex had a very good job but would never pay for anything while I was a young single mum 10 years younger funding his meals out. I got the ick one time and walked out and left him with the bill for once.

Bananalanacake · 28/12/2024 21:38

Well this is the first cocklodger thread I have read where the cocklodger moved out when asked, well done, your mistake was to keep letting him sponge off you.

outerspacepotato · 28/12/2024 21:37

You have very different financial goals. His is to be a leech.

Kick him out.

ClicketyClickPlusOne · 28/12/2024 21:37

I would tell him that you have had some great times but for a long term relationship you need team work, equality and stability. You don’t need fancy restaurants and hotels but you can’t be with someone who doesn’t pay their share of rent, doesn’t take responsibility for fines that you are left with , and leaves you feeling taken for granted and ripped off.

Then don’t engage in ifs and buts just say ‘mind made up, no point in dragging this out’

NoBodyIdRatherBe · 28/12/2024 21:36

The issue here is nothing to do with money. It’s how irresponsible he is and how he keeps letting you down.

lightsandtunnels · 28/12/2024 21:35

OMG he is 40 and acting like a 17 year old.

You need to run OP. He will never change and you deserve better.

SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 28/12/2024 21:34

This is too much and he doesn’t have youth as an excuse.

MontyNojangles · 28/12/2024 21:34

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Totally unnecessary comment

GirlWithTheRedScarf · 28/12/2024 21:34

Whatwouldyoudo26 · 28/12/2024 20:59

Thank you for your responses already. It's obvious what I need to do. I think that's why I posted, I just need a push in the right direction because I've still got him promising things and I feel silly for clinging onto them.

Not sure how I'm going to approach this conversation so suggestions welcome.
It's not like we're breaking up over one big argument that is easily explainable, it's all these things mounting up over time.

He knows what he is doing and I hope you realise that the empty promises are his lifeline at keeping you in his life. He’s a bum OP and will not change. Get rid of old baggage I say and enter 2025 and live your best life! 🙂 you CAN do it and won’t regret it. As women we waste years of our life on bums and can’t ever get that time back again. Is being single such a bad alternative than to stay with this total freeloading jerk? Honestly, this would be a massive turnoff for me and I would get the ick everytime I looked at his face.