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Original poster

Am I in the wrong? Not sure what to do

56 replies

whyatiteh · 28/12/2024 19:10

I have divorced my ex who I have a child with.

I have recently been speaking with someone, we have been chatting for around four months. We have had 6 dates because we do live long distance so see one another twice per month.

The person I am dating recently asked if I would spend New Year's Eve with them. I have my child that evening. But I have said I can see them New Year's Day and the following day, so we agreed on that.

On New Year's Eve, I am doing an activity with my ex and our child which finishes at 8 pm. My ex asked if I have plans with our child afterwards and I said I don't so they asked if I would like to stay with them and our child together for the evening as they don't have plans either.

I've contacted the person I am dating because I am aware that they may be uncomfortable with this so I wanted to check it out.

They have confirmed they feel uncomfortable with it but stated they don't feel like they have the right to. Probably because we are not in a relationship although we are dating and it looks like it's heading towards potentially being a relationship.

My date also said they are aware they only asked me if I wanted to do something New Year's Eve just a few days ago which was relatively short notice for me to change childcare arrangements

I'm really not sure what to do here.

OP posts:
ThatGladTiger · 28/12/2024 19:21

NYE is not relevant in this story. I appreciate others are saying it’s good co-parenting, but OP I think you need to set some boundaries with your ex. There is no need for you two to be socialising like this. Your new bf (or whatever he is) is right to be uncomfortable, as will any parter you date in the future. It will also confuse your child.

Original poster
whyatiteh · 28/12/2024 19:20

My ex does not know I am dating someone. Neither of us have discussed dating anybody. Although my ex does sometimes ask, I don't want to let on I'm dating really.

My date has said that they are happy to work around my childcare plans, therefore felt okay that I could not see them New Year's Eve because I had my child with me. But they feel uneasy that I will now be there with my ex if I decide to be there New Year's Eve.

I could say to my ex that I would prefer they have our child that evening, but I don't want them to be asking questions about what I am doing and why I'm rearranging my Childcare at the last minute.

OP posts:
GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 28/12/2024 19:16

You don’t have to run your plans past someone you’re only dating. Especially not plans with your child.

Partyatno10 · 28/12/2024 19:14

Sounds like you have a good co parenting relationship. I don't understand why you felt the need to 'ask' your date if they're ok with this? Bit bonkers imo, carry on with what you're doing. If date doesn't like it now or in the future, then so what will you do then? Sabotage your co parenting relationship for them?

Mountainhowl · 28/12/2024 19:13

Let ex look after your child and make the most of a child free night and go on the date?

TimeForTeaAndG · 28/12/2024 19:13

Couldn't ex have your child then if they're asking for you both to stay over anyway? But you have NYE with your new person?