DH and made up jobs

Make him solely in charge of something - I suggest clothes and laundry. Sorting babies too small clothes and buying new ones. Washing everyone's, folding, ironing and putting away.

That's a big job and he needs to be completely 100% in charge of it.

Some guidelines:

When he is not at work, everything is 50/50. That means you do a full day's work during the day when he is out, then you both get equal amounts of time to sit/rest in the evening or at weekends. If he sits in the evening, sit next to him. Then after 10-20 mins say "so, shall we clean the kitchen?" Don't get up until he does.

Feel free to hand over the baby as soon as feeding is done - he can burp and change the baby. Don't let the baby be by default "yours" - he needs to be a 100% competent parent, e.g. packing the baby's stuff for a trip out, weaning, potty training, everything. So let him get on with it, his way.

Don't become the "household manager". Don't delegate or find jobs for him, or tell him what to do, or ask for him to "help you". The phrase 'helping you' suggests that the task is your primary responsibility and he just "helps", i.e. he is not an equally responsible partner.

Instead, hand over whole areas of work that are 100% his, week in week out, to plan and execute. Could he take on all the laundry and everything to do with baby clothes (including purchasing as needed)? Or could he take on all bathroom cleaning and vacuuming throughout on a regular agreed schedule? Or all the shopping including household products as well as food?
Find somethings you can 100% hand over, then, most importantly, don't get involved, don't pick up the pieces if he fails. Wait for him to sort it.

I would think that new mom & new dad are in a big learning curve. What normally occurs maybe out of the window.

TBH housework is not my thing and I would prefer a non angry chat about how things should be done. I personally would love a list - my kitchen is a shit tip at the moment ! BUT I still work and do my job really well BUT I'm still rubbish at the housework.

I just feel new parents are adjusting and need to say what will help each other & this is best done when calm.
PS I really don't think the list needs to be as detailed as you have implied.

I think it is always best to approach a situation with calm in the first instance.

You need to sit yourself and your DH down for a serious conversation about life with a baby in the house and how each of you need to be a team and work together. Otherwise, you are setting yourself up for years of doing it all. You need to explain to your DH that he is as responsible for looking after your baby and the running of the house as much as you are. Obviously, when you are on maternity you will be during the baby care while he’s at work but outside of that it’s 50/50.

The key is what was he like before the baby??

If he hasn't changed at all don't expect him too when a baby arrives.. looks like he may need a rocket up his arse.

But for me I'd just fire one giant rocket, not multiple small ones. Get the energy and go ballistic.

An adult person should not need a list on the fridge to explain basics to them like “do all the dishes, not some of them”, “wipe down the kitchen when there are crumbs and spills”, “put a load of laundry in when the basket is getting full” or “when you can see/feel the laundry is dry, fold it and put it away”.

If someone is thick enough not to understand these basics, I assume they are also not competent to hold down a job.

She is not his mother but some men are thick. A little nudge without ranting might be all that is needed.

A new baby for both is a learning curve and saying what you need without ranting maybe a better place to start.....

She isnt his mother.

op tell him to go and clean the fucking kitchen properly and if he is such a child he needs a list to do that he can fuck right off.

Don't shout at him! Talk to him! He may not fully understand what he needs to do to make you happy, he may be just as overwhelmed at being a new parent as you! It sounds like you are doing all the work which sounds unfair but have you had a sit down conversation with him and asked him to maybe help you a bit more? Tell him if he's unsure then just to ask, or maybe you can write a to do list of things that need to be done daily!
My DH is great, he does all the cooking, shopping and basic cleaning but some jobs he just doesn't seem to understand! I'm disabled so can't do a lot and it took a lot of conversations where I had to point out things needed cleaning... top of hobs, fridge shelves and stairs! But we got there! It takes time and patience and the understanding that what I used to find important he doesn't!
Good luck

Can you not put a list of to do jobs on the fridge ? Tell him you are shattered and need the right kind of help.... sounds like you need to set some foundations....he may not even know what to do unless you make it clear.

We called those tasks, 'baby avoidance work' in this house. As in 'honey, the garden is baby avoidance work, will I get a break later?'.

It worked because DH would freely admit it when called out.

TBF supermarket shopping was the same for me. Pottering around Sainsbury's without DD for hours, squeezing fruit and reading labels? Bliss!

Keep calling him out on it and don't accept the bullshit that he needs to be told.

Presumably he functions just fine at work without having to have every tiny detail spelled out to him.

He can observe for himself what needs doing and fucking do it, like you do.

a lot of parenting young children is drudgery but I think talking when you’re both in reasonable moods to split the tasks more evenly might work. Giving him stuff he is solely responsible for will help lighten the load.