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Original poster

Estranged family and struggling at Christmas

29 replies

BrokenFamilyTies · 28/12/2024 13:44

I’m writing on here to stop myself contacting my dysfunctional family. Forgive me for using this forum for this but it will be useful to have opinion, even if it differs to mine.

I am estranged from my mother, father and one sibling and her own family (my nieces and BIL).

After many years of being the none golden child and a series of very hurtful events I decided to go NC earlier this year. I asked them to respect this and not to contact me. They have done so. I don’t think it was too hard for them tbh. It was a huge decision I didn’t take lightly and was not a snap action without thought of the consequences.

Christmas is a difficult time and I’m struggling knowing they are all together. It was my choice to stop contact as I was tired of the abusive name calling and outright insensitive behaviour from them. Its hit me harder than I thought it would. However I also know that if things had carried on as normal I would also be feeling hurt from their unkind actions.

I know some will say they are doing as you asked and they are. But going NC with parents isn’t easy.

Anyone with any experience of this?

OP posts:
Original poster
BrokenFamilyTies · 28/12/2024 13:56

Bigearringsbigsmile · 28/12/2024 13:54

What did they do that made you do this?
To me it is massively drastic step to be taken as a last resort if the relationship is abusive.

That’s right it was a massive drastic step after years of secretive abusive behaviour.

OP posts:
NameChanger91736 · 28/12/2024 13:55

Christmas is a difficult time and I’m struggling knowing they are all together

But it's all for show? In my own experience, when families are like this and a family member leaves, they just slowly turn on another family member? There is always a target.

It's all so fake. They look like their having a nice time from afar, but really their all saying bad things about each other once they part ways.

In my family, everyones been the SG at one point. I've been NC for years and once they could no longer target me, they slowly turned on each other.

Honestly, dont let it bother you. Their days together are no where near as nice as you think they are

Bigearringsbigsmile · 28/12/2024 13:54

What did they do that made you do this?
To me it is massively drastic step to be taken as a last resort if the relationship is abusive.

Turophilic · 28/12/2024 13:50

Other than a total reversal of their behaviour towards you and suddenly being a loving family (which obviously isn’t on the cards, however nice it would be) what do you actually want from your family?

Is it that you want to tell them you are NC but were hoping they’d message you anyway?

NC is hard. You do it because contact is damaging, but it’s natural to want them to miss you and reach out, even when experience tells you it won’t go well.