Ick of Christmas present from Dp

Really well that was helpful......

Oh for Gs sake OP. I've never read such a me,me me thread since I joined mumsnet. You sound like an amazing supporter being the higher earner. Are you looking in return for your partner to fall on his knees with his special gift. Give him a break & find some appreciation for what you recived not what your fantasy of showing his love is in your head.

The accusations of jealousy are interesting. I suspect - from the attitude one often finds to MILs on MN - that the responses would be very different if he’d given the same gift to an OP and his mother.

For a lot of people, gift giving is about someone thinking of you and getting something for you. Not anyone else, just you. When said gift is given by the same person to people other than you (however beloved said third party may be), it stops being that token of unique specialness and becomes something done by rote, for convenience. Feeling hurt by that isn’t jealousy (from her comments, it’s clear that OP would be perfectly happy if he’d given his DD a fabulous gift, just a different fabulous gift), it’s disappointment.

Well yes, but I’m not sure what your point is?

Ahh you’re jealous of his relationship with his daughter. As much as you don’t want to admit this, you know you are. You wanted your “special” present and hate that he got the same for his daughter.
Get a grip.

I don’t think it’s jealousy, as I’ve stated. And I’m not going to be snippy with you on an MN thread because we happen to disagree.

YABU and absolutely ridiculous. Tbh you sound jealous of his daughter. You really need to apologise to him, unless you want to look like a total loon and risk your relationship with him.

I can’t be bothered with him at the moment trying to over compensate for being a thoughtless arse!

The majority of posters think you are unreasonable. Have you even for a moment thought you might be?

She had an issue with a present after she found out he had given something similar to his daughter. Not an ex, not another women, his actual daughter.

It's just jealousy, and a reaction to OP thinking that she should be considered more special than the man's own child. That's what she's communicated to him, and he's understandably reacted to it. Some people are not as fully in control with your emotions as you clearly are.

OP you are all over the place.

How can he select something when YOU GAVE HIM A LIST !?!? Seriously think about that.

You wanted to be “excited” BUT YOU GAVE HIM A LIST.

You wanted there to be shine BUT YOU GAVE HIM A LIST.

He did get you other things THAT WERE ON YOUR LIST.

I dunno OP, these earrings must be least of your issues, I feel like these is something else fundamentally wrong in the relationship for you to have such a harsh reaction to a pair of earrings.

That is controlling and coercive behaviour to dictate in such terms to another person what they can and can’t buy for others

At risk of being rude - this is barmy. I'm usually against the whole 'first world problem' thing, but this is that phrase personified. As a PP said, your partner did all the thoughtful work for you. He then decided his daughter would like a similar pair. Your reaction to this is, in my opinion, completely OTT. "I can't be bothered with him..." It's a pair of earrings, for goodness sake! Either this is indicative of larger issues in your relationship, or your expectations are ridulously high and you're just generally hard work? And even if your opinions on this were justified, your anger/frustration/disappointment/whatever over a relatively tiny irk THREE DAYS later is shocking. Your poor partner!!

Point of order: buying two of the same items is not "bulk buying".

This would be a non issue for me and I would probably see it as quite a sweet effort to make a connection between you and his daughter. However, if this is the kind of thing that sets you off, I would call it a day with him. He'll never be able to give you what you want.

Were you reading a different thread?

OP, you’re not a diva. Wanting a gift that your husband has chosen for you, not something he’s bulk bought in two different colours for you and a child, is ok to want. His actions show a lack of care and likely buying things for the sake of it.

You need to make clear to him that any gift to you must not be given to anyone else. Ever. It’s perfectly reasonable that he was not aware of this stipulation until now.

Women see gifts as romantic appreciation, men seem them as hoops to jump through to keep her indoors happy.

Just be clearer about precisely which hoops you want him to jump next time.

Well there’s millions of practically everything isn’t there?

I don't buy the 10% off email. 10% off a second purchase maybe, or buy one pair from this range get second pair with 10% off at time of purchase But I don't think a jewellery company would suggest you buy another pair of the same earrings, and that's the only deal offered, because most people wouldn't need / want 2 pairs the same.

My point is there is no reason for you to be annoyed about this because it was you he bought these earrings for. It was you he spent the time and effort on. Him lazily buying another pair for his child takes nothing away from you.

He is lazy though. This: I helped get him more time with his kids by helping him legally but that’s a whole other story This speaks volumes about what kind of man he is. Why did it take his new girlfriend for him getting more time woth hia children? What did you do that he didn't have access to? Why are you the one doing the caring for his children? And the one doing the earning more and paying for his childrens things? What does he buy your children?

I would be pissed off with this. If OP and step daughter had decided to get matching that would be fine.
For someone one else to do it for their romantic partner and 9 year old child is odd and takes the shine off the gift for both of them.

You’re making an issue out of something that isn’t an issue. Exactly the same thing happened to me. I asked for a Pandora charm and he bought two of the same, one for me and one for our daughter. It was a thoughtful gift as he chose something he knew I’d love. Why should I care that he got the same for our daughter?