Ick of Christmas present from Dp

So the issue with the present is just a symptom of something bigger in your relationship? Which you may think you explained in your most recent post, but I still can't make it out, beyond being about "communication" which you'll tell him about but he can't put right. Why didn't you post about that instead? Or at least explain the background as you went along, rather than reiterating how bad the present was because it wasn't unique to you. You still sound like someone who has put herself on a pedestal and thinks he should do so too.

The OP is old enough to have 2 children at university.

Goodness knows why she bothered creating an AIBU. She's only taking on board comments which validate her pettiness.

Don't agree, sorry. I don't think the OP has a "her" problem and she doesn't anywhere suggest she should be more special than the daughter. She just wanted the earrings to feel like something the husband had thought and chosen about uniquely for her. I am sure she would have absolutely no issue with him getting a considered, uniquely-chosen gift for the 9yo daughter as well. As it happens, he did neither.

I wouldn't like this either, OP, YANBU to feel how you do but I'd also be willing to bet that DP won't have thought about it in the same way that you are and that other posters are right that he saw a nice pair of earrings and didn't see the problem in getting you both a pair - perhaps he even thought you'd both enjoy wearing the same jewellery.

Well, good luck with your, ‘Open communication’. I’m wondering how you’d feel if the shoe was on the other foot and he’d had such a ridiculous meltdown over something that you had given him. I’m also wondering how old you are.

Why would the cost of the earring be relevant? They don't have to be expensive to be nice

To give you some hope you can. It might take time and more than one conversation. Am not sure if it is a men think differently thing or that not everyone feels the same but for me presents are an expression of love, or affection or appreciation depending on the relationship. Effort rather than price matters, so if I have thought about and chosen every other gift it would matter that I didn’t have to sort out my own or accept something that didn’t involve thought.

It’s sounding more and more as if you don’t like him much. It’s also sounding more and more as if you expect him to be a mind reader and as if you will never be satisfied. I bet the poor guy doesn’t know if he’s coming or going around you.

OP, actions not words count.
You have niggles and you don't feel appreciated by him.
You are obviously of value to him for all that you give and do, but you deserve to be value for more than a convenience for him and his children.

Don't waste years on someone like that.
You deserve better than him.
He is the one that is ungrateful.

Agreed. Not using an available discount is plain daft.

Whether he picked the same for his DD or not, he chose these for you and you were perfectly happy with them until you saw his DD had the same. There’s no mention of whether he’s a good partner but if he is, this should be quite a trivial thing in the scheme of things. To throw it back at him and ruin Christmas, screams as ungrateful. It wasn’t the only thing you had to open either. Lots of women don’t get presents as they can’t afford them, but they appreciate having a good partner 365 days a year and that is worth more than any gift. If your partner fits this bill and went out to buy you things that he thought you’d like and you did actually like before seeing his DD with a copy, you’ve done pretty well. I mean this kindly but some people never find a good partner or they end up with an illness and a relationship can be short-lived. If he’s a good man, is it worth all this drama? Christmas and a good relationship is about far more than gifts.

Why did you ask on AIBU if you weren't prepared to take YABU for an answer?

@DivaORJustified

DivaORJustified
"pissed off he couldn’t buy one special thing for me to show is appreciation for all I do for him in the year. Money isn’t the issue, it’s the laziness! I wouldn’t have given 2 hoots if he got dd the same brand but a different pair.
And yes also there is recurring theme this year that I have to explain basic things that should come natural to dp for me and the way he is in our relationship. So whether justified or not I feel shit as he’s called me ungrateful and selfish."

DivaORJustified · Today 16:22
"he's not going to do any of that to make it up to me as he isn’t understanding how I feel. And yes they feel tainted and I feel stupid for being so happy about the on Christmas Day. I do work hard all year to keep the family going."

Sorry OP, but I've really been struggling to understand your PoV, but I think your two posts above reveal that your upset isn't really about the earrings at all - well, only tangentially. It seems like you feel under-appreciated all year round and you were hoping for a "special" or "unique" Christmas gift to show you he does really care and appreciate you to make up for this, but could it? Really? And of course he doesn't understand. All he knows is he bought you a pair of earrings you loved on Christmas day and now you don't. Shouldn't you just sit him down and tell him this isn't really about one day when he didn't do the right thing, but the other 364?
Incidentally, I simply don't get the "jealousy" angle coming from other posters - it's clear from everything you've done (and continue to do) with his DD, that this is nonsense.
And as for the person who called you trash, it's absolutely disgusting to call a total stranger on the internet that, and it says everything about the person who wrote it and nothing about you. (And I hope MNHQ has now deleted it )

I, and I’m sure lots of people, would love to swap places with you @DivaORJustified .

When I think of the times my Christmases have been ruined, it’s been due to DV, life threatening illness, poverty or mental health issues. Not once has it ever been ruined because I was given a gift that wasn’t unique to me, to prove how special I am.
I can only hope I reach a place of such stability that I have to look for drama and validation over something so completely inconsequential.

Using a discount doesn't make someone cheap

I used a common term to illustrate disdain.

However, he utilised a multi purchase to get a discount. He’s cheap. And he’s lazy.

Another point of order: the earrings were the OP’s main present, and simply another little present for the daughter among a pile of other gifts, including bigger ticket items. It is not thoughtful and I too would be upset if I was the OP.

If you're making a big deal about what he brought you off list so it matters if and what you brought him off list

Some men are just not great at gift choosing. I buy my own gifts from my fiance then leave them at his to prent on christmas/ my birthday. He's out of work due to MH and only gets £390 a month though, so he can't afford to buy me gifts as naturally, his son takes top spot.

Absolutely ridiculous. The man probably loved the fact he was sharing the gift to his daugher with the new woman in her life & vice versa. The whole opinion is bordering on cruel.

"Ruin Xmas..."
Oh come on. Is all of this actually serious?! 😂

This happens - we've had this in a thread before. Same situation.