Ick of Christmas present from Dp

Why is disagreeing with there being anything wrong with the OPs DH gesture giving OP a kicking. The vast majority agree he did nothing wrong other than perhaps wishing to strengthen the bond between his daughter & his partner. People who genuinely believe this are not being obtuse or nasty. Indeed they are trying to encourage OP by suggesting she could be rejecting a good man for a petty reason .

Sorry OP that you are victim to an all too regular MN kicking.

Posters react very badly to any complaint or dissatisfaction from women.

They prefer acceptance of absolute crumbs and STFU if you feel otherwise.

This is your life and you can break up with someone for any reason.

Do not allow nasty personal posts to make you doubt yourself.

Allowing someone move into YOUR home and paying for a lot, and putting yourself out helping rear THEIR child, paticularly the grunt work IS giving a huge amount in a recent relationship.

It really isn't too much to want to feel appreciated

After 30 years of marriage my husband still manages to do thoughful things that have nothing to do with actually cost, so never doubt that good men can be thoughtful.

Listen to your gut on this.

Posters making comparisons with long relationships that don't much bother with gifts are NOT the same a newish relationship where you are providing a home and parenting.

Unfortunately the obtuse often can't grasp nuance in threads.

I received a few lovely gifts this year from DH & one I absolutely hated. I admit I had a moment of wtf is this,then we had a laugh about it. I certainly don't have a low bar but where gifts are concerned I am far more interested in his love for me & his ability to treat me well in day to day life than his ability to spoil me with special gifts & romantic surprises. His love & friendship is far more important & it's reciprocated. A good man is a keeper. Throwing it away for the reasons you are giving on this thread OP seems absurd unless there is something awful I've missed or you haven't mentioned.

I think you should LTB!

We often buy something together for the house as a Christmas present, as making our home a nice place is more important to us than guessing what the other might like. In our family having present lists is normal - so much so, that I've had to remind DC occasionally that it's a wish list, not a shopping list. I'd rather people had what they wanted, than waste money on something they don't appreciate. We do sometimes have ideas of our own we think another family member would like, but if not, I'd rather have a list to choose from. Or we might decide to go out and have a shared experience together- theatre trip for instance.

I love a special surprise that really works for me but I don't expect it routinely.

Surely you can adjust your expectations OP if this is the only reason you are considering breaking up?

I don’t think there is a way forward. Just be gracious (but too late now) and be thankful. Then next Christmas or birthday be clear but about what you’d like. Men don’t think exactly like women - he must have thought he was doing something lovely but it’s not been received that way. You do sound angry and bitter to be honest, which is a shame - unless the relationship is not a good one overall, I can’t see why you would be so het up about a gift,

Could it be that he saw how happy you were with the ear-rings and thought his DD would love them too but got them in a different color so that they are not exactly the same. I tend to do that with clothing, if I really like something will get the same item in a different color.

👏👏👏 Exactly this - I could have written this post almost word for word. DH and I have been together for 44 years, married for 42, and also don't exchange Christmas presents. He shows me, in countless small ways, how much he values me. Every. Single. Day.
(Amusingly, a couple of our friends give each other money for Christmas - from their joint account! 😂 )

You are too ridiculous for words, especially as you are a woman with grown up children. Honestly! You're even going to carry this on and confront your man about this in the new year. Get real. He did nothing wrong!

I only just noticed you got together properly after lockdown, three and a half years ago, so I don't know how long you have actually lived together but obviously not that long.

I'd call it a day, nobody is going to live up to your exacting and, frankly, weird standards. It wouldn't surprise me one bit if he decided your relationship had run its course.

Let him be free to find someone who really does appreciate him and you can fish for a person who buys you 'special' gifts as surprises so you don't sulk for a fortnight.

Thank goodness you have no children together.

I think this situation is in danger of getting out of control. OP has a right to feel whatever she feels but I agree with many others that it's hyperbolic and she's taking very little of the sensible counter-points offered on board.

If you've got the ick fair enough, just seems something so innocuous to potentially end a relationship over or to risk having the relationship ended by the partner.

I think as well as people disagreeing (or agreeing) with the OP generally, there are also people who really don't put a lot of importance on gifts.

DH and I don't really give each other gifts at Christmas or birthdays, apart from a few things we know we might like that are fun, quirky gifts that don't cost a lot. We always choose to spend the money that we would have spent on gifts for each other on holidays or days out. We've reached a stage of choosing experiences over actual 'gifts'. If I want something then I buy it for myself as does DH.

DH shows me he loves me in many ways throughout the year as I do with him with small and big gestures and that, for me, means so much more than a gift at Christmas. We've been together now for 30 years so it definitely works for us! But that is our preference and it's not for everyone.

You've cause a row over nothing. So he gave you the same earings as DD, but yours are rose gold because he heard that you liked this. Why are you making a fuss? It's not about what presents you get, ffs, it's about accepting gifts with grace. He says he picked something he thought you would like. Cripes. I am glad you are not my DP!

Oh i do hope he dumps your entitled butt. Entitled people really upset me

I'm so sorry OP, but you have ignored a red flag that he is a selfish thoughtless man.

A milk frother for HIS coffee for your gift?

I'm cringing that you allowed this selfish twat move in.
That is actually unbelievable.

You deserve so much better than a man who turns on you and calls you ungrateful in YOUR home.

Bloody hell OP.

My goodness , you're missing the point there. I assume the question about your age was made because that poster was wondering if you were perhaps a younger person, which might go some way to explaining your lack of self- awareness and self- obsession.

My reply was , no, the OP is old enough to have 2 adult children- but is behaving like a spoilt child.