Ick of Christmas present from Dp

@DivaORJustified if you're that bothered ask him

He's a man. He knows from your list you like the earrings, so he buys 2 pairs in 2 different colours.

He thinks he's done good, don't crush his dreams.

Edited to say I misread your first post. YANBU. if he'd have bought you a pair, and got the other pair for you from his daughter as I originally thought, that would have been good.

I think giving the same gift to any two people may be a bad idea.

I remember as a student queueing for an hour to get a couple of books signed as Christmas gifts for my mother & grandmother. The author was someone on TV they both liked, & I thought they'd be thrilled.

Their faces when they both opened them! They each hated the gift I'd taken so much trouble over, simply because I'd given them both the same.

In your case, OP, I think it's additionally a bit odd to give the same item of jewellery to an adult & a child.

This wouldn't bother me at all, but then I don't wear jewellery so maybe I don't really 'get' what jewellery is for.

So actually it would bother me if my DH got me earrings because he knows I don't wear them. 😂 But if he bought me and our daughter the same gift I wouldn't mind at all, assuming it is something we would both like/use.

I think I get your feelings. It’s lazy in his part and takes away the specialness for both you and his daughter.

Initially I thought YABU, but it is odd that he chose the same for a 9yr old child. I wouldn’t dwell on it though.

I can see how it takes the shine off when you'd already attached special meaning to your earrings, but it's not worth dwelling on, and he wasn't to know you'd care. If you want something just for you next time, I'd tell him that. You'd appreciate a gift he chose just for you, and you'd like something that isn't almost the same thing he's giving to someone else—anyone else, including his daughter. That's a reasonable request, though tbh, gift-shopping is tricky. You may well end up with a 'just for you' gift that isn't at all your style, so then you're left to decide which is the more important factor, that you like the item or that he chose it just for you.

No I said it was one. How dare he do something nice though and maybe see it that way. What a monster.

It also isn’t up to a woman to decide if her husband buy her something with “excitement “ and “shine” then tell him what to buy and be disappointed that he got his daughter something similar (based on the statement above) but there we go.

I think it's really odd.

"Oh there's a pair of earrings that my OH would like. Great for my 9yr old daughter too!"

So much of this depends on family dynamics. When my eldest son was this age he adored his dad and step dad in equal measure and often liked to mirror things they wore. One Christmas my DH and my DS both got similar hats. For them this was a lovely connection, they liked to go out together wearing them.

I don’t know your dynamics, but could it be that for your step daughter this is a lovely and inclusive gesture?
She might really like to wear the same earrings as you because she likes you. Maybe her Dad understands this.
Just another perspective rather than the simple narrative that he’s lazy and thoughtless

Maybe he bought yours first, and she liked them, so he got her some as well. Maybe he thought it would be nice if you “matched”. Maybe he thought it would bring you closer together. Maybe has WAS being thoughtless. Maybe lots of things.
But no one on HERE knows what he was thinking, so talk to HIM about it, and how you feel.

It isnt up to a man to decide if his wife and daughter have a "bonding gift"

I am feeling a bit sad for the daughter. What eight year old wants to be wearing “understated but very elegant” earrings? For most eight year olds the closest to posh earrings they would know are something from Pandora and given the choice they would probably choose earrings from Claires Accessories.

I wouldn’t worry too much OP, I don’t think the SD will be wearing them often. Not until she is an adult and in need of something elegant and understated.

Wow, yes, that is insulting. 😪I hope your post has brought some much-needed perspective to OP's query.

Is your life so charmed that this is the only thing you have to whinge about @DivaORJustified ?

And he bOught the gifts.

Unless they were commissioned for you especially other folk will have them
Probably don't dirt if offer for a multi buy
I'm sure no one is looking at your ears and thinking.... Those earrings are the same as her partners daughter.

I think it's kinda cute that he bought almost matching earrings for you and your stepdaughter.

You said you're really happy with the earrings.
He's found beautiful earrings... why can't he gift you and also his daughter different colours?
You're being ridiculous.

" ... I feel a little sad that he didn’t put more effort into her gift." Exactly THIS. If this poor man slighted anyone, it was his DD, not OP.

Maybe his daughter chose them and as she was saying how pretty and beautiful she thought they were (for her step mum) that the husband decided his own daughter deserved a pair too.
But this is Mumsnet where stepchildren are annoying things that step mothers must dislike (sarcastic).

Not the same earrings, but matching. I actually think it is a lovely idea. OP, I think you are being very unreasonable. You sound hard to please, especially as he got you flowers and other things from your list. Try reading some other threads on this topic to read what a really thoughtless gift looks like, and then give your head a good wobble.

In that case I don't see what your problem is.

And "ick"? Really?

Totally right. If it was Valentine’s Day or Mothers Day it might be different. It was Christmas.