Ick of Christmas present from Dp

Precisely.

Dont be jealous of his children, OP, especially at Christmas. You could turn it round and say to DD ‘ how lovely, we can both wear them at lunch’. Make it an inclusive action, not some weird denigration.

I’ve just seen that DP told you to throw them away. That may not be the only thing he is thinking would be better off in the trash.

I'd be thrilled if my DH bought our DD the same earrings - I think it shows that he values us both. When my DH brings home flowers for me he often brings a small bunch for our DD too. He is showing your DD he values her as much as her DM - it will do wonders for her self worth. As an adult you should realise this - it's not a competition between you both about who gets the best present. I just don't get you.

You sound like you put yourself on a pedestal OP. Break up with him if this is such a big deal - is that what you want us to tell you?

You are being ridiculous and I think it’s sweet if him to have given his two ‘women’ tbe same gift. Yiu should use it as an opportunity to strengthen the bonds between yiu and his daughter, not give him a ribbing for it

YABU and overthinking it. It’s just a Christmas gift (of which it sounds like you had plenty) and in the grand scheme of things - it isn’t a big deal. Don’t be a Diva.

‘Grateful for crumbs’……..

Highly dramatic. You are actively looking for problems

He told you to throw the earrings away?! What a tit…

I would feel a bit miffed, it’s generic and lazy which feels thoughtless.

But I think women (including myself) attach much more meaning to gifts than men do and his POV would be different.

I’d also be furious if I was your DP. He chose lovely earrings for you both and also got you other things. Sounds like you’ll never be happy. I agree, give him a break

FFS OP GET A GRIP! I'd be really annoyed if you were my spouse. Trying to get you nice things anfd then you stroping, I wouldn't bother in future.

It's really surprising that some people on here manage to have any sort of relationship.

Honestly the people on here. He got you things you want and things you like and it’s still not right.

Sorry OP, I'm not surprised at his reaction. If you want to maintain your relationship perhaps you should apologise for pitting yourself against his daughter.You should be grateful for the gift & feel its actually a thoughtful act which should add to your bond with his daughter not detract from it .

So on top of a specified list from yourself (classy) and flowers, the earrings which he gifted are no longer special enough, even though you like them?

Give the man a break

But to the parent the child would always come first. Rightly so.

We aren’t talking about who he chooses to save from a shipwreck! It is entirely inappropriate for a man to treat his daughter as though she is a romantic partner with the same gifts and the same intensity as that relationship. It tends towards creation of a competition between the two women and a confusion between the two roles.

A successful adult romantic relationship should be solid, intimate, absorbing, creative, curious, and focused in a way that is totally different from and incommensurable to that of parent/child. No self sacrifice necessary but some intentionality and special quality.

a bogof?
or an easy decision

The child in my life is way, way more important than my romantic relationship

God, people are a bit harsh, calling the op a brat and ungrateful! If a male friend asked my opinion on giving his 10 year old daughter and his girlfriend exactly the same piece of jewellery, in different shades of gold, I’d gently advise against it. You give your significant other something special. Particularly in the beginning of a relationship.

An intimate gift is exactly that! Something special/personal. Something thoughtful, or unique. As opposed to a t-shirt or a gift voucher, or something generic. Or something that you’ve also bought for your daughter/mother/sister!

Unless you're about to start a massive drip feed OP, you are not getting "crumbs"

I take your point, OP. A romantic relationship is miles away from job lot gifts that satisfy “the girls” in a busy man’s life.

I think your phrase “crumbs” indicates a deeper level of dissatisfaction on your part, s sense that you do more for him and are more thoughtful of the special nature of your romantic choice of each other than he is. Maybe he settled too quickly into seeing you as a convenient woman appliance and stopped bothering to be thoughtful?

Maybe her friend thought his secretary and his wife were both special ?

I'm sure both were but one clearly more special than the other. If he saw them as equally special, the wife has a big problem!

If the child in question here was OP's daughter, I think she'd have felt differently. I think it's difficult for a step parent to swallow the fact the step child is the more special, because there's no real tie. But to the parent the child would always come first. Rightly so.

Maybe try to view it as being grateful for a gift he didn't have to bother getting you in the first place then? Did his DC have a huff over having the same earrings as you?

Years ago DH gave me a Tiffany's necklace for Christmas. He got his mother the exact same one. I was so horrified I have no idea what happened to the necklace.

A pair of expensive - and in your words elegant - earrings are not crumbs. Total diva.

👏👏