Ick of Christmas present from Dp

Definitely a diva. First world problems.. making issues that aren't there.

YABU. He obviously thought the earrings were lovely so he bought some for his dd too, and in a different colour to yours so they weren't exactly the same. There's really nothing particularly 'intimate' or personal about a pair of earrings imo (fair enough if it were an engagement ring!). It's not as if those earrings won't have been sold to umpteen other people.

It's generic in that there's millions of the same item 🤦‍♀️

His answer was that he loved the earrings for me so brought them for his Dd and if his mum wore earrings he’d have got her a pair too. He said he loves us both and we are both special to him. Hes not getting my point though his actions were innocent and sweet. It’s just not the way I feel about it, that’s all You’re asking him to attach a lot of meaning to a nice gift. You want a grand romantic gesture that made you feel special and individual, he just wanted to get you a nice gift. There’s nothing wrong with the way you feel, but there’s nothing wrong with his gift, either. It’s just different ways of looking at it. You just need to decide if it’s something you can live with or if you’re just too different to be happy together.

He also told me to throw the earrings away Well, yes, because neither of you will ever be able to see them again without being reminded of this whole argument. I wouldn’t bin them because that would be a shocking waste, but I might be inclined to give them to his DD. You’ll certainly get no pleasure from wearing them now, and he’ll get no pleasure from seeing you enjoy them.

i was in two minds to broach this but I don’t want the same thing to happen again unless it’s matching socks or pjs, not my main bloody present. I don’t want to be grateful for crumbs in this relationship Unless there’s a back story, this sounds bloody awful. Crumbs? Exactly how badly does he treat you during the year for a lovely pair of earrings to be considered crumbs?

pissed off he couldn’t buy one special thing for me to show is appreciation for all I do for him in the year. Money isn’t the issue, it’s the laziness! I wouldn’t have given 2 hoots if he got dd the same brand but a different pair Ahh, so was it a special gift you wanted? Or was it a thank you? Do you feel resentful of what you do for him? Is he not grateful enough? Do you feel like there’s inequality in your relationship?

And yes also there is recurring theme this year that I have to explain basic things that should come natural to dp for me and the way he is in our relationship. So whether justified or not I feel shit as he’s called me ungrateful and selfish You sound very resentful of him. So either it’s justified and he’s taking the piss all year, and you’re giving him the opportunity to make up for it all by choosing a special and thoughtful gift, or he’s actually a lovely, decent fella who treats you kindly and with respect but who just doesn’t have it in him to make the romantic grand gestures that you would like. If it’s the first one, 30 seconds of thoughtfulness doesn’t make up for twelve months of piss taking. That really would be crumbs. If it’s the latter, are you compatible? Or would you say goodbye to all of those good qualities for someone who is all style and very little substance?

I think she may have lost any sympathy when she referred to her present as 'crumbs'. A present she initially loved.

Was really happy with the earrings he brought me, they were under stated but very elegant, exactly what I would chose

Thats your opinion. But not the OP’s. And not mine. Its about the thoughtlessness of the gift.

Women have great expectations for presents from men that are rarely forthcoming. Men don’t really care about presents or put huge thought into them in the way women do. Of the 3 men I know who are truly excellent present givers - really thoughtful, considered, beautiful gifts - 2 are gay and the other is a philanderer.

Perhaps responding to the OP's graceless and ungrateful attitude?

Sounds like you are one of those women who do far too much for children that are not yours.
You are also the main breadwinner.
Is he in your home too?

My he has landed on his feet with you.

Can't even give you a thoughtful gift for all you do.
I certainly wouldn't be impressed if it was my husband and MY child.

I think your expectations are low and the message is you give and he takes.

You cannot change others, just what you accept.
You are accepting very very little and when you point it out you are told you are ungrateful?🙄

Ungrateful for what?
Ungrateful for doing too much and paying too much.

Wake up OP.
You are a mug with a tosser on your hands who thinks you should be grateful for his presence in your life.

I'd be helping him pack, not paying for him.

I think a lot of people on here are giving OP a hard time! I see why she’s disappointed. For Christmas she wanted her partner to make an effort and make her feel special with a thoughtful gift that was meant just for her because he thought of only her when he bought it. It’s not about the daughter it’s the lack of romantic gesture behind the gift! OP wants reassurance but DP is disregarding her feelings. I get it OP. I would feel the same.

Yeah right. If he'd done that she'd probably be complaining he spent so much more on his daughter.

My husband bought my daughter and I the same dress and the mini me version. Should I object? Or should I appreciate I have a husband that knew that my daughter would love wearing the same dress as her mummy and it was a little memory for us?

I do understand why the OP feels like the gift is less special.

I strongly suspect her DP found some nice earrings, realise he'd peaked in terms of gift finding, and then decided to buy another pair rather than buy an ugly second pair.

At least he found a nice pair and bought a second pair as opposed to two of the same ugly pair? Small consolation?

@DivaORJustified I don't think he's done anything wrong, but I also don't think you're in the wrong for feeling the way you do. The shine might be off, but they are still a nice gift. I'd try to focus on the nice gift part.

Somehow I think you would find something to complain about if it were the same brand though…..it would be: ‘he never put any thought into it, sees my needs as the same as his daughters’

Different gift but same argument. Because that’s what you’re looking for. An argument

Thinking about it make sure he doesn't give them to his mother otherwise you'll have a reminder every time you see her wear them lol.

Maybe he told his dd what he was getting you and showed her a picture, or she saw them when he was wrapping them up. She maybe fell in love with them and asked for some too.

OP the way you differentiate between the relationship between a child and relationship with a romantic partner….isn't through a pair of earrings!!!!!

Im alarmed that you need there to be a marked difference in this aspect, surely your relationship is what designates the perimeters, not a piece of jewellery.

This is bordering absolute bonkers territory

The earrings will always be tainted now in the OP's mind. There's no point in anyone trying to get her to put all of this to one side and start liking them and forgetting her feelings. The only way is if the partner takes the earrings off her and gives them to someone else - his mother maybe (although that might open a can of worms if the DD knows they are the OP's) and buy her something new. That is the only way the situation can be fixed and everyone can move on. Otherwise the wound will always be there. The problem is the partner might not be able to work out the solution.

Yes. Agreed.

It sounds like you put a lot into the relationship Diva and do so graciously and generously so I don't think it strange that you want to be made to feel special or cared for. I wouldn't say anything else to him and let him come to you with an apology and see if he comes up with the idea of the two of you going off for the afternoon and exchanging the present and choosing something together. Although, with the present being earrings, it is likely they can't be exchanged unless still in some kind of seal.

If it turns into another argument tell him what he should have done. I don't think your reaction is unreasonable although some do. But even if it is we all feel like that sometimes and just need a bit of reassurance that we're special. My ex never made me feel in the least bit special. I wasted so much time on him. I know I'm now very sensitive to these types of situations / 'slights' so would have reacted the same as you.

Yes! And for using the term “partner” for someone she clearly feels she is superior to.

Flip side - the daughter might feel a bit flat as her dad got her the sane present as he got his girlfriend. Presumably, he spent more on DD than you.

You're coming across as petulant and ungrateful. And childish.

I don't get the urge to slag you off and call you names like some are OP but I do think you're looking at it entirely wrong. He's seen something that he has considered to be beautiful, he has bought this beautiful item for the two people he considers to be beautiful, slightly different but the same design. That's a lovely thing. He hasn't been lazy with his thought process and if something is a nice gift then it's a nice gift for all the people he loves. Now, you either like the earrings he gave you or you don't. But if you loved them before you realised he got his daughter a similar pair then you're being silly. And, slightly competitive (probably not meaning to be) with a child. He thinks you're being ungrateful and I can see why.