Ick of Christmas present from Dp

😂

So really the issue here is the amount of work and care you put into the relationship, you’re the main breadwinner so you’re carrying him and his kids to some degree. You describe him as “ungrateful”, “lazy” “selfish”. So you’re expecting a present to do some heavy lifting in acknowledgement of what you’re doing for him. He, on the other hand just thinks of it as a nice present for his partner.

By the sound of it you both got earrings but yours was your main present while DD got other bigger things as well, which you did not?

The issue is not really the present but the imbalance in the relationship. Is he aware you see this relationship as somewhat unequal in terms of input, are frustrated with aspect of his personality, and are therefore are expecting some kind of major input into presents by way of appreciation and compensation? (Is there any gift that will make up for that?) That’s something you need to make clear to him to avoid disappointment. Or you could just ditch him and find someone you don’t have to nanny.

Agreed.

I think he should up and leave and find another woman to look after his child and bank roll them.

Of course he won't.
He knows he's got a great deal.
Main breadwinners with low self esteem are a MN phenomenon, not on every corner.

In real life not many mature women would accept such crumbs while doing it all and paying for it all.

They would rightly rather be alone than be accused of being ungrateful for so little.

The OP deserves better and deep down she knows it.

you said you love the earrings. The fact that his DD got the same doesn't take any of that away from you. You sound insecure, and ungrateful!

How completely bizarre to get expensive designer earrings for a 9-year-old!

I think he's a bit lazy and clueless, but that's all.

I hope her mother puts the earrings away and only lets her have them for special occasions until she's older.

Clearly, the OP doesn't feel that it was personal

I’ve read your updates and I really feel sorry for your partner, you are totally unreasonable and ungrateful. He’s explained he loved those earrings and why he bought them and you choose to take that as a lazy thoughtless lie. If I was him I’d never bother trying to choose something out for you again.

Sorry you sound awful. You were pleased with the earrings until you saw that he had bought them for his daughter.
Sounds like you are in competition with a nine year old girl as to who he loves ‘best’.
Are you very young?

Spot on

Giving two people the exact same gift (minus the colour) can make it feel impersonal and may also make you feel undervalued (which brings me back to my first paragraph).

Or giving the same earrings but in different colours can make it feel very personal about the woman and daughter in his life whom he loves and values.

And a partner relationship where OP extends herself financially and in other ways for this cocklodger and his cuckoo’s nest children

What a vile comment. Does that apply to a woman who earns less than her partner?

This is ridiculous. Maybe he saw them, liked them and thought a pair for his DD would be good too. It's literally no big deal. Grow up for goodness sake.

No it’s not.

1. She had written a list of things that she wanted. Classy. He bought those items for her.
2. He bought her flowers
3. He bought her a pair of earrings that she acknowledges are elegant and exactly what she likes

And yet…she manages to find a problem.
The above list does not indicate a man who isn’t thoughtful, is indicates a woman who is hard work and likes drama

I see no issue.

Is this one of those "straw that broke the camels back" moments? I'm probably reading too much into it but it seems like you might be fed up of doing nice things for him and helping him out because he may not show appreciation for what you do?

Receiving some jewellery that's just for you holds emotional/sentimental value and can be used to highlight the love and connection that your partner feels for you.

Giving two people the exact same gift (minus the colour) can make it feel impersonal and may also make you feel undervalued (which brings me back to my first paragraph).

It would be different if you were given matching gifts because of a shared interest, inside joke etc.

You are really overthinking this OP.

He bought you some lovely earrings and liked them so bought a pair for his DD. Lucky you for getting a beautiful gift and to have a man in your life who is clearly kind towards you and a loving father to his DD - says a lot about the man.

You're talking about the gift now not being 'romantic or special' and you said 'you don't want to be grateful for crumbs in this relationship'. Seriously, OP you need to give your head a wobble. This is a pair of earrings.

To me you sound very ungrateful and selfish too.

Barf.

I agree with you OP, it’s not a unique gift.

Even if you commission a piece it's still generic.

Shock - he might actually love his daughter more. Which he should! You could maybe think of it another way that you're lucky to be loved as much as his precious child.

Women say all the time they'd never put a man before their kids and are praised for that. Should be the same for men/dads.

Is it that the earrings were your main present, and for your daughter more like a stocking filler? I’d be pissed off as well.