MIL inviting herself on our holidays

Your DH is right to say no to his mother, who ruined your last holiday.

She needs to be told no, quite firmly by your DH, in a way that she will understand and not try to manipulate her self back into your holidays to ruin them all over again so that you and your husband have to go home to recover.

Clarify A.S.A.P.
Remind her that the last holiday was for a special birthday so her research should include places that will still be nice in ten years time.

Could you stretch to a weekend away with them somewhere nice every year?

He's willing to deal with it, let him. Hell no to holidays with the MIL if either party are not wholeheartedly up for that!

You could offer a vague 'but we could do a weekend break perhaps' IF you actually want to... don't if you don't really want to though!

Often on similar threads the poster has a problem with a in-law, but the real problem is that the poster is having to deal with it, because the partner/husband isn't doing it. Here your DH is proposing to deal with it, and it is his Mum, so I'd let him crack on with it.
I once went on a week away with my partner, his mother and my mother (the 4 of us, it was an unusual situation that sort of developed) and his Mum was mostly visiting her extended family, and my partner, Mum and I went on various trips as a threesome (we were young, about 22). I've been on holiday too with just my Mum, my Mum and my two sons, and now-DH, our sons and both my parents, all at different times. All have been great, but it only works if you all want to do it.

Can you simply say nothing? She sends holiday info and you simply ignore it. If she doesn’t know what/ where/ when then she can’t include herself. DH says once…mum we are not planning a joint trip this year and then she gets silence on it all

I think DH needs to say clearly and kindly that you enjoyed that holiday with her, but mostly you'll want to holiday as a couple. As a PP said, you could offer to arrange a weekend, maybe once a year, for the three of you at a destination you all enjoy.
If he doesn't do this soon, you'll be on tenterhooks in future, and any holidays you do arrange may be spoilt by her wish to be invited.

Just be honest with her that you want to go as a couple, I wouldn’t tell her the details of the holiday either incase she surprises you by turning up x

It's his mum and he wants to say no so it's no

Looks great.
Just to clarify though, me and [insert your name] are making our own plans for future trips.
The joint holiday to Croatia was a one off.

OP - read this thread and behold your future if you don’t nip this in the bud now 😬

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5239150-to-be-mad-my-folks-gatecrashed-xmas?page=1

I should clarify that on the occasions when I have holidayed with my AC I have paid my way - shared the rental, the petrol, the meals out. My SIL sends me a run-down afterwards and I settle up with him. I would not want it otherwise.

I think it is totally acceptable for DH to reply that last year was a one-off special treat for the big birthday and that you both prefer to go away as a couple given you both work (presumably) and holiday leave is limited.

"Three's a crowd Mum, and it's better for all of us to have separate holidays as we dont all enjoy the same things"

And NEVER tell her your destination. EVER.

I'm 67 and do a few (shortish) trips on my own every year to places others have zero interest in. I suppose it depends on neediness and the confidence to go it alone or as part of an organised group which I also do and enjoy greatly.

Can you manage a long weekend with her? If so I'd say that you wanted to keep holidays as couple time but happy to do a long weekend at some point. If can't then you'll just have to be honest about needing holidays to be just the two of you

Apologies for the confusion, last year was a special trip for your big birthday. We can’t afford extra trips this year, just our usual couples trip.

Its his Mum and he doesn't want to go on holiday with her, why are you getting so angsty about it?

Being drained on holiday is a perfectly good reason not to go away with MIL again.

I've been on holiday with my DS & DIL and my DD & DSIL now for several years. They have always invited me, but I always make it clear that, much as I love joining them, I don't expect to be asked and I would absolutely understand if they wanted to go away by themselves.
Your MIL is completely out of order trying to invite herself.

Her asking wasn't cheeky at all considering she's just been invited on a holiday but I do think future expectations need to be clarified now to avoid later hurt. How did the conversation go when she realised your DH wasn't keen?

Yeah she needs to be told straight. Just let DH get on with it.

I’m on the fence with this one, I think family is really important and it’s lovely to treat parents if you can, but in a way that works for you. If you only have budget for one holiday a year then that’s an issue but if you can go away a few times then I think it’s nice to do a short break with parents and do your main holiday as a couple. Being “drained” by a holiday with parents isn’t really enough of a reason not to do it, in my opinion. It’s a good reason to keep the breaks short and sweet though, three nights max. Or do one year on one year off. Maybe say that you’re doing your own thing this year but keen to have a mini break to Portugal next year with her or something.

Two choices - either your DH tells her that the Croatia trip was a special occasion and you won't be doing that every year, or
You ignore her messages and book your own holiday, and go on it when the time comes - with no option for her to tag along with you.

Sharing the bed doesn't seem like a good compromise .

I would reply that it's very kind of her to offer to tag along but that won't be necessary because you intend to holiday as a couple.
I would then go on holiday to (eg) Greece but tell we were going to (eg) Spain just in case she turns up anyway.

Just nicely explain that while you enjoyed Croatia, you want to spend your holiday time as a couple. Unblur the boundaries.

You can help her find a good singles holiday if she wants to, or just choose a good resort so she can go by herself and give her the confidence to go... But you can't give up the rest of your holidays together to avoid potentially upsetting her, and at the same time have a miserable DH.

I wouldn't want to holiday with my mum or my MIL.