MIL inviting herself on our holidays

Please ignore these guilt-tripping you into inviting her for holidays. Holidays are about everyone relaxing. She's not a child that you are responsible for.

Just do day trips with her.

Let your DH tell her what to expect, "we'll do group day trips in future". If she doesn't like it then don't do them either.

We tend not to discuss holiday plans with extended family and just let them know when we're there. We have been on holiday with various family members but not regularly. In this case I'd make it clear you aren't planning a holiday with her this year and keep holiday plans vague

My mother does this, always makes comments about how she would love to go there and well it would be cheaper for you as we would be paying towards it etc. I just want to go on holiday with my little family to be honest, she never went on holiday with her mum or mil, not once! We now keep our holiday bookings quiet and say we booked last minute. If you invite them once, they think they can keep being invited. We also made that mistake with mil once, luckily dh realised it was much harder work with her being there and didn't invite her again. Get dh to have a word with her and nip it in the bud.

Could you do both? Mini break with MIL and longer just the two of you? Like many people now having no parents or in laws (all passed away) would give anything for them to be irritating me in Portugal or anywhere else. Life is short. She won’t be here forever. If it was me I’d do both: family time and couple time.

It doesn’t need to be a big deal. He needs to just tell her last year was a one-off and it’s not going to be the new normal going on holidays with his mum!

Definitely be honest. When my dad left my mum over 20 years ago, she became reliant for most things from my then adult older siblings. Even now, she still expects to have dinner with one sister every Sunday, and go on holiday with them every year. 2 other sisters have also had her away too, but due to her narcissistic ways and the fact she drinks too much, I refuse. One sister actually called me crying at 1am one night of their holiday due to our mothers behaviour. Does she cast it up to me from multiple times a year? Yes, but I don't really care. Self preservation is a must, and it doesn't mean I love her any less. I just couldn't put myself through it.

Let him deal with his Mum.

God this is my mother of sorts.

Everyone we go somewhere I've stopped telling her now as she will always always ask why I didn't invite her.

Got a holiday booked for the summer and she wanted to know where we were staying and dates we were going.
I had to tell her she wasn't coming as it was just for us and our first holiday in a long time.
Plus the fact her and my dad are totally inept at organising anything so it's always assumed I will do it for them.

She's deliberately bought her self a voucher for somewhere she bought me and my dh one for and basically told us the other day we are all going together.

I've not responded yet.

It's hard work

Nip it I. The bud now op or it will be constant

Adult Child.

I wouldn't want my mil tagging along on my mn an holiday either, twos company, threes a crowd.

Can you arrange a couple of weekends away in the UK with her?

What's an AC?

Do both. Not fair to permanently to exclude her.

None of those sorry.

I would definitely say no, holidays at a time to unwind and relax after working hard and having someone who stops you doing that on your holiday is actually bad for your health, the body needs rest.

def nip this in the bud now.

however if you want to be really nice and can afford it and she’s on her own, I’d suggest a separate weekend away to invite her along to. Only if you want to though

and def don’t share your holiday plans with her !

Surely this is a typo ?
Or the wrong thread ?

This is one of those rare occasions on mumsnet when the OP does not have a “DH problem”. Unleash him OP.

Do not tell her any of your holiday plans....she will only keep inviting herself or hijacking your plans.
It is nice that you took her away for a big birthday but she seems to now think she is invited to all your short breaks, holidays etc.
Nip this in the bud NOW or you will be taking her away with you every single time!

For what it's worth, I am a MIL but would not contemplate joining any of my AC's families for a holiday.

You had a good time because of where you were and what you were doing, but not because MIL was with you. She didn't add to the experience, and for your DH it seems she actually made it less enjoyable.
She enjoyed it so is pushing to do it again, but its not fair to your DH to take her with you again, and he needs to spell that out very clearly for her.
Personally i wouldn't compromise and alternate going with her and as a couple, holidays are precious times, she can find someone else to go with.

We had this with DMIL, took her away for a big birthday and from the moment we set foot there, she wouldn't stop about how she was looking forward to coming back each year.

Literally every single day for a whole week!

She sent links for the place when back, even though we'd found it.
We ignored & went on our own holidays. It's been 4 years since now and she stopped.

Ignore or let your DH spell it out.

Does she go on holiday alone or with friends, siblings etc.? I wonder if she is lost her confidence or holiday companions.

I do agree with other posters that as your DH found it draining, you should let him deal with it. If you are feeling generous, perhaps you can suggest a little mini break with her in addition to your couples only holiday with DH.

Just call any holiday you don't want her to come on a “romantic holiday" every time it's mentioned.

What?!

I'd also be very careful about saying any details about the holiday you'd booked without her.
If she knows which hotel, which country and what dates, there may be a possibility that she'd book that week (or fortnight) for herself too, then you'd still be stuck with her but obviously she'd have paid for herself.
I must admit, you have described ger as being quite demanding and manipulative.
Do you think she would book off her own initiative if she know where you were going and when?
Maybe if she was encouraged into joining a group that took holidays together because of a shared interest, that may work out better for you and her.
Good luck