MIL inviting herself on our holidays

To very slightly change a pp's suggestion in response to her message and suggested destinations:
“We really enjoyed the one-off holiday with you for your special birthday this year, but next year we are planning to have a holiday just the two of us.”

What would you tell yourself to do ?sounds like “people-pleasing “which fuels resentment
better to be direct about your intentions
maybe you need to nip this in the bud
you will feel better once you have cleared this up
if they won’t accept or appreciate your position maybe time for a re think

Keep it vague. We only announce hols at last minute for this reason. Causes too much stress and moods otherwise.

Just avoid talking about it at all - be vague and go on your holiday. Let her know Ur away last minute.
If you say what Ur planning she will work her way into that plan.
U don't always have to answer people if you don't want to. And avoids confrontation.

You have to let him do what he thinks best with his mother.

😁Would the mil sleep between them? I think that's the best idea yet and will try and do that with my dc if they get partners in future.

Just say you'd like your holidays to be romantic and that doesn't work with another person there.

Mil are a all new world loool

my sympathies to this one whom is about to be put aside if she carries on pushing in.

He should absolutely tell him « no for this time » and not telling her no more about holidays destination/dates/hotels…etc.

She has a partner. She can do a long weekend with him. I don't need my adult children to spend long weekends with me, they can visit me when they have time and I them but they go on long weekends with their boyfriends/ girlfriends and I go away with my husband. This isn't a frail old lady on her own.

Can you do a long weekend with her somewhere ?
It's cheeky to invite herself.

Mil and partner could get the eurotunnel/ ferry then train and visit all sorts of places. They choose not to. With a 25 year old daughter she's not that old and if she wants to go abroad needs to find friends or go with saga or one of the many activity holidays for singles

Why not contemplate it, if you all wanted to and it seemed a good idea? I went somewhere once with my Mum, then-boyfriend and his Mum, all was well. I went once with both his parents and him. My parents came abroad with us once, my Mum twice (with DH, me and our sons) and last year Mum and I took both boys away for a week. All were fabulous. There's nothing wrong with it, if you all fancy it.

Nip it in the bud ASAP! I have a friend who was in a similar situation,MIL went on one holiday with them then assumed it was a given that she went every year with them from then on. My friend and her DP didn't put her straight and ended up with her going on holiday with them for the next 10 years. From what my friend says,she was an absolute pain in the arse the whole time. It was only when the pandemic hit that they managed to break the cycle.

Whose big birthday was the trip for? I'd start there. Tell her it was a once off for the birthday and it isn't something that will be repeated.

Keep reminding her that the trip was for a milestone birthday celebration and won't be repeated so she can find someone else to go on holiday with.

You could also find out if there are any tour operators/groups in your locality that organise trips abroad that she could join and suggest that as a new outlet for her.

Good for you OP, holidays aren't supposed to be a chore, they are your time to enjoy a break as a couple.
You can have daytrips, picnics, etc. with her and it's less time for her to cause stress to your DH.

Please don't give me a lecture about my parents since you know nothing about their bad behaviour. I've never understood it when people act like they know details of my life when they have no idea.

As I said in my post I made the mistake of prioritising them above my husband and myself for two decades. So your sanctimonious "I've never understood it when people throw their parents way way down the priority list when they get a partner." is not only irrelevant but also incorrect.

OP and her husband do not need to holiday with his MIL. They can see her during the day and do day trips. Nobody OWES their parents holidays.

We never got into that op as sets in stone. My husband only break all year. So no. Def moods when its said. Think its different if parents easy ... my sisters same opinion.

Surely this is a typo ?
Or the wrong thread ?

Or, just possibly, hyperbole

Not going on holiday with parents is not throwing them way down the priority list, that is an absurd way of trying to justify the OP's parents entitlement to railroad themselves into any part of the OP's life that they feel like. If they didn't get on as a group, don't go on holiday together again, full stop, end of. There are a multitude of other ways of looking out for your parents and caring for them. You do not own your children and you do not have an entitlement to ALWAYS be involved in their life, they have their own life and are entitled to live it as they choose.

To the OP: talk to the parents ASAP and get boundaries set. When boundaries are violated and nothing is done, it becomes an entitlement then you are in for a world of frustration forever. Don't let it get that far. You could consider assisting them in finding holidays or other activities they can enjoy independently of you, if nothing else it will aid independence. It has never been easier than the modern day to find social groups or organised holidays themed around your areas of interest where you will meet like minded people, all that is needed is a bit of initiative.

Not permanently. No harm in it now and again. Your parents were there before partner and would be there if he left also, I've never understood it when people throw their parents way way down the priority list when they get a partner.

Of course it's fair to permanently exclude her. Going on holiday with your parents is absolutely not a requirement. Yes, you need to see them. That does not mean you need to go on holiday with them.

I say this as someone who spent a large proportion of my holidays with family because they live in different countries and now that I'm older I regret it a lot. It was always FAR less fun holidaying with them and I should have prioritised myself and my husband rather than our parents.

I think I'd emphasise the fact the holiday you took her on was for a specific purpose ie to celebrate a big birthday and as such was a one off. Your lives are very busy and you need down time on your own to be able to fully relax as a couple. A reasonable person would understand this but if she pushes back, you might have to just be blunt and say no, Croatia was ok but not as relaxing for you as when you're away on your own, so going on holiday with someone else just wouldn't be the same for you.

Kindly but firmly tell her the truth. Does she have any friends who she could go with? Or suggest a Saga holiday?
You shouldn't be guilted into taking precious holiday with a spare third wheel. No way.

Why an earth would she want to join in on your holiday has she not got her own things to do? If she not there to help with children or let you have alone time without children she has no business to keep going on multiple holidays with you unless she using you for holidays? Can she not afford her own?!