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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think he should just get a job?

44 replies

queltye · 28/12/2024 11:26

I’m sure I’ll be told it’s none of my business - but my interest in the matter stems from wanting it to not be my business.

My dad took early retirement aged 58. Used his lump sum to pay off what he owed on the mortgage. My mum works and needs to so she can pay her remaining portion of the mortgage.

My dad is now 61. He’s had three years of doing nothing. He lives off modest savings and is waiting for his pension to kick in. But the issue is that he’s not got enough money to live the lifestyle he wants or used to have.

Their house is a wreck, holes in the carpet, entire bathrooms not working, and always absolutely freezing cold. Always whining about money and how much things cost and how he has to pay this or that bill. He’s always stressed about money and makes my mum upset.

He doesn’t let us pay for a meal out and would rather no one gets to go because he can’t afford to pay for himself.

AIBU to think the obvious and easy answer is that he gets a job for a couple of years? Nothing stressful or full time but something to bring in an extra few hundred or £1k a month.

OP posts:
MumChp · 28/12/2024 11:49

None of your business right but yes you are right.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 28/12/2024 11:49

queltye · 28/12/2024 11:40

Yes he has always been lazy. He’s always been tight fisted and mean when it comes to money unless it’s to spend on himself. A bath was never allowed with more than four inches of water.

He complains that it’s not fair that friends have more money or a nicer house than him; forgetting that they have either inherited a chunk or were more ambitious in their careers.

By the way - we’re talking about someone from an upper middle class back ground.

You always find that. Those with money wouldn’t give you a Chocolate gold coin or a monopoly note. However those with nothing would gladly give you their last penny, it’s always the way.

Bunniemalone · 28/12/2024 11:48

LoremIpsumCici · 28/12/2024 11:41

The mortgage split is common when couples have seperate finances. It’s not abusive if it’s been agreed on and is fair.

What?? I could understand if it were a second marriage & one brought more to the table than the other. But seriously he's happy for his wife to work full time & him do nothing. Plus live miserably because of him. Surely in a balanced relationship, you would would want both of you to perhaps wind down & work part time, once you could afford to comfortably. He's at least 4 years till state pension kicks in & that's not a fabulous amount.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 28/12/2024 11:45

DustyLee123 · 28/12/2024 11:30

They are married, presumably for a long time, and yet they have ‘portions’ of their mortgage to pay? Surely this is a LTB thread for your DM?

Yeah. Isn’t the point of marriage or at least a point of marriage that you do everything together. I think he’s massively unfair to your Mum.

LoremIpsumCici · 28/12/2024 11:42

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 28/12/2024 11:40

He sounds like a lazy, controlling bully. If that was my Mum I'd be telling her to leave! She'd still get half the equity in the house even if he has "paid off his portion" (which is totally bizarre by the way)

There is no net gain as if he’d left the money in his pension or paid on mortgage, she’d have got half of it either way in a divorce.

Jennyathemall · 28/12/2024 11:41

MarnieRey · 28/12/2024 11:36

Sorry, he paid off HIS portion of the mortgage? is he financially abusive to your DM? What a bizarre set up for a long term marriage.

Yep bizarre

LoremIpsumCici · 28/12/2024 11:41

The mortgage split is common when couples have seperate finances. It’s not abusive if it’s been agreed on and is fair.

Original poster
queltye · 28/12/2024 11:40

Yes he has always been lazy. He’s always been tight fisted and mean when it comes to money unless it’s to spend on himself. A bath was never allowed with more than four inches of water.

He complains that it’s not fair that friends have more money or a nicer house than him; forgetting that they have either inherited a chunk or were more ambitious in their careers.

By the way - we’re talking about someone from an upper middle class back ground.

OP posts:
sparepantsandtoothbrush · 28/12/2024 11:40

He sounds like a lazy, controlling bully. If that was my Mum I'd be telling her to leave! She'd still get half the equity in the house even if he has "paid off his portion" (which is totally bizarre by the way)

Changingplace · 28/12/2024 11:40

My mum works and needs to so she can pay her remaining portion of the mortgage.

This is not how mortgages should be viewed between married people, of course he should be working, has he always been lazy?

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 28/12/2024 11:39

Why did he retire at 58 when he clearly did not have enough money to do so? Crazy.

LoremIpsumCici · 28/12/2024 11:37

Unless he took early retirement due to ill health, then yes he should take at least a PT job.

If he has ill health, he could apply for PIP,& contribution based ESA?

MarnieRey · 28/12/2024 11:36

Sorry, he paid off HIS portion of the mortgage? is he financially abusive to your DM? What a bizarre set up for a long term marriage.

Thepurplepig · 28/12/2024 11:35

Has he always been lazy?

Blakehouse · 28/12/2024 11:34

Of course he should. He won’t get his state pension for years. He clearly couldn’t afford to retire when he did

Thepeopleversuswork · 28/12/2024 11:33

Urgh he sounds awful. My worst nightmare is ending up married to someone like this. Agree your mum should be making plans to leave.

DustyLee123 · 28/12/2024 11:30

They are married, presumably for a long time, and yet they have ‘portions’ of their mortgage to pay? Surely this is a LTB thread for your DM?

Agix · 28/12/2024 11:28

Well yeah of course.

Autumn1990 · 28/12/2024 11:28

A part time job would be the obvious answer