To be mad my folks gatecrashed xmas?

That day will not come. I sometimes wonder if people who ride roughshod over other people's lives, who don't care who they hurt or inconvenience or upset justify it by saying "well someday I won't be here and they'll miss me then" The sad thing is that people who are angry and inconsiderate and selfish are not missed when they die - no matter how much their hapless children loved them.

Her parents are bullies and out of order.

Sounds like your parents are still trying to control you and what you do OP. Always managing to make them look the victims. They view you as an extension of themselves and require you to do as you're told by them. They look to you to give them their happiness.

My DM has always been the same as this. Guilt tripping and emotional blackmailing me. It's very very hard to move away from these emotional ties whilst still trying to maintain some kind of nice relationship because I'm sure your parents have been lovely at other times in your life. You have my sympathies as I know how hard it is to navigate.

I would equally be furious that they turned up at the hotel. And for the way your F spoke to your DH. I imagine your DH is fed up of seeing the effect all the emotional blackmail is having on you and chose to question your parents at the time rather than leave it, I.e. allowing their dreadful behaviour to go unquestioned.

From Christian perspective yes
Even though as a Christian I have boundaries which I keep and that might mean goodwill from a very looong distance

Or they are like her parents and don't see a real problem with the behaviour. I often think people advise others to be tolerant of bad behaviour if they themselves are badly behaved.

I think you need to take a decent length complete break from them. You probably need to block them for this or at minimum mute them. Your dad sounds like you cannot make any progress with him and there is no benefit talking.

@merrychristonabike I'm annoyed for you and hope you managed to get some good times in with the kids over the festive break in any case.

Ref your parents - your DD sounds toxic and your DM adds to this. I think you're right, they thought they weren't invited versus they wanted to surprise you, but whatever the motive they behaved appallingly.

This year I refused to leave my 22yo son on it's own and spend Christmas day at a restaurant with my DM. She took Uxbridge, but eventually my DSis hosted her. I've done this for the last 4 years and on Boxing Day my DM was rude and attacked me - her old age dementia is escalating, so I've put distance between us. I may call her in a few weeks but as I am significantly less stressed and happier I may leave it longer...

I think some space and time may work for you too. I'd suggest only visiting your DPs as often as you do your in-laws and see if that helps. Your DH was right to challenge them and support you BTW, so good for him.

Good luck.

Post that again in English, after you read all the OP's posts properly

Oh enough of the emotional blackmail!

Not everyone's experience will be the same as yours! Ever thought of that?

I was about 48 when I realised I would never please my mother no matter how much I tried and believe me I had spent the previous 48 years trying very, very hard. I just stopped being bothered by her. I still see her just as much but I take absolutely no notice of her nonsense. I feel very sorry for you, them turning up was outrageous. Next year, go abroad and don't tell them where you are going.

I'm more than old enough to be a Gransnetter (there's a reason I'm here and not there)

And in my opinion, you couldn't be more wrong

Have you read all of the OP's posts?

why she is STILL with him

Do a cottage stay; I have done quite of these Christmasses

Goodness. Your father is horrible

Wow they are really overstepping the boundaries. I can empathise, my parents often disregard my boundaries (though I don’t think they would ever do this tbh) and my father and DH are not on speaking terms anymore. After a year of therapy where I have realised how much this affects me, I feel a lot more relaxed setting my boundaries firmly and being the boundary too. I recommend therapy to unpick it all for sure, they probably won’t change but you have to find a way to deal with this.

Next time, book to go to Center Parcs but don’t tell them which village.

Plus without day passes they won’t get in. And villas are only for a set number of guests and so it’s impossible to simply turn up.

Leading up to Xmas, just say “we don’t know what we’re doing yet”.

Really? Are you a pain in the arse DM or MIL?

OP go somewhere else next year and don’t tell them. Better still go to your ILs.

No.

My husband later asked them why they were there and my dad flipped, telling my husband he'd always had his suspicions about him and generally being a dick. Dad didn't wish DH merry Christmas, ignored him at dinner and left without saying goodbye to either of us

It's beginning to look a lot like pro-jec-tiiioooon...

Imagine reading the thread or at least OP's posts so you have at least a vague idea what you're talking about.

Oh, wouldn't that be just wonderful? A true Christmas miracle!

Maybe they just wanted to spend Christmas with u.. imagine ur kids made u feel like this after all u did for them.. I think ur been very unreasonable

Have you read all the OPs posts, or did you just read the opener and nevertheless feel moved to opine?

She has abusive parents.

Maybe they just wanted to spend Christmas with u.. imagine ur kids made u feel like this after all u did for them.. I think ur been very unreasonable

Another influx of posters who haven't RTFT, and haven't even bothered to read all of the OPs posts.

I really feel for you. It seems you're in a ni-wun situation at the moment with no easy fixes.
Christmas is built up so very much with huge, unrealistic expectations. I absolutely agree that, next Christmas, going away somewhere else is a good plan. Keep it totally secret. No hints, even to your kids.
Meanwhile, remember you can't please everyone and that's not your role in life anyway. Your priorities are your DH & children.
I think the only thing you can do is to try to keep calm but stick to your guns.
Crying every day? Actually that sounds like a way of trying to manipulate you. Emotional bullying to put it bluntly.
My best wishes to you for a happier, peaceful 2025.

This won't be a GDPR breach. They will have called up and asked to be put next door to Mr. & Mrs. MerryChristonaBike. No room numbers would have been given out when doing this when reserving their room.
IF however, the receptionist actually gave out their room number to them, then that is a security breach, which should not have happened, but not a GDPR breach

Many years ago, when GDPR wasn't even a twinkling in a bureaucrat's eye, I worked on hospitals, both general and psychiatric. To even admit someone with a particular name was an inpatient was seen as a breach of confidentiality. The hotel shouldn't have even admitted to having the OP's family booked in, let alone arrange rooms and table settings without both parties agreeing.