To be mad my folks gatecrashed xmas?

I don't think OP is happy to see her parents every week. The visits totally sound like duty visits to placate her demanding parents and she does not mention using them for childcare.

The hotel is publically accessible but her parents didn't sit at another table, they sat with OP's family which a random stranger wouldn't do. They also didn't just book for Christmas dinner, they booked for 2 overnights as well so OP will get no respite from them.

that's not generous, it's selfish. Generous people let children enjoy other people's generosity too. Her parents sound like they're all me me me, who cares what santa/your parents /other GPs got you, look at what we have got you instead. It's so overbearing.

I think some of the posters here don't know what it's like to have controlling and dominating parents.

I do, and to me it's clear they didn't tell you as they wanted to force a situation where you felt obliged to go along with what they wanted.

I think therapy is needed to help you to put in boundaries around this unhealthy dynamic.

For one thing, you don't 'have' to visit them because they conveniently forgot to bring presents with them so you have to see them another time.

To pp saying send kids off for a relaxed day with GP - they don't sound like a very relaxing pair - why should the kids have to be subjected to that?

So yes, really limit what you share with your parents in future about what you're doing (grey rock) and definitely look into therapy for yourself about why you feel the need to appease them.

well they bought no presents this time

But they didn't book to stay in your room, and you didn't have to have your christmas lunch with them either. When I've been on holiday with other families, weve spent a great deal of our time doing seperate things.

No.
Making it all about them, not about what the children would enjoy more.

Their behaviour is disgusting . The reason they surprised you is because they knew full well that you would have said no if they’d asked . They are manipulative bullies .
I wouldn’t dream of doing something like this to my DC, they need their family time as do we.
Dont feel guilty, you’ve done the right thing to call them out . Their selfishness has got to stop !

@WillowTit we have one DC. We assume there maybe quite a few Christmases where they won’t come home for Christmas (once they have left home). In fact they worked Christmas Day this year as works in hospitality. Had other relatives staying so we weren’t alone, but they are elderly so won’t be around for ever.

Why should the op just have put a smile on her face and been happy? Saying she behaved awfully? Just because they are her parents shouldn’t mean she has to like them. And so what if her dh spoke out? He’d probably had enough and he’s an adult. He can say what he wants

In years gone by our kids could barely open santa gifts for my parents foisting their gifts on them.

generous then?

I think it's really shit you let your DH be the fall guy, they're your parents and you've made this so much worse by allowing him to feel like he has to step in.

I would be really cross if any set of parents surprised us when there is history in this way. But no way would I let DP be the one to deal with it. I can't believe you let them see the DC weekly if they are like this? Of course they and your DC probably want to see each other at Xmas, it would be weird not to and there needs to be an adult conversation about alternative plans and why that's the case. I'm not saying they should, but I get the impression you don't say anything and just avoid them, and it's only when forced to confront the situation things like this happen. Otherwise you're quite happy for them to look after your DC. And if I was worried about a parent's behaviour toward the other, another reason my DC wouldn't be spending loads of time around them without me there...

next time go on a cruise
or a private barge

It’s socially unacceptable to just turn up and join people without an invitation, I’m surprised some posters don’t understand that.

YANBU OP, if they wanted to come they should have asked, at which point you could respond with your wishes. No one can stop them coming to the same hotel but that doesn’t mean they get to interrupt your time there and it’s still rude of them to come just to join you without asking.

They don’t sound like people who will understand without having to say anything, it sounds like they need it spelt out.

Sounds like now is the time to sit down with your dh and decide what kind of relationship you want with your parents going forward, and when and how you want to see them.

As for keeping the peace for your mother, that's her problem, it's not your fight and by enabling their behaviour it only makes your Dads behaviour worse.

This is confusing, you go to a different ‘secret’ location every year, but you’ve been to the same hotel the last 4 years and invited them before?

i agree

@Examconfusion they didn’t just turn up for the day.

@merrychristonabike why didn’t your parents bring presents with them?

and you think that is ok?

but why did the hotel put you all together?

@WillowTit themselves?

Are people genuinely this clueless?