To be mad my folks gatecrashed xmas?

Not quite the same thing, but we learned the hard way that you keep things on a need to know basis.

My late husband's ex and her boyfriend booked themselves into the sister hotel of our honeymoon hotel...abroad. (Fortunately, she hadn't done her homework. Our hotel shared facilities with hers, but ours was actually a mini-bus ride away: we checked out the 5 star hotel once and decided that we preferred our 4-star. We didn't bump into them once.)

Families can be so complicated and feelings are heightened at Christmas.
I suppose you know that next time you want to be alone you simply don’t tell them.
I hope things improve in your relationships in the future.

ii would

do they have a key to your house?

They booked the room next door and got the hotel to seat them together for meals for the duration of the stay. The intention was clear.

It really does sound like our parents are very similar! The amount of times we've gone out places with them and they make the grandkids take posed pics just to show off, they don't seem to see how forced the smiles are, even their own photos they look miserable.

In a way I'm glad they blew up at our DC as it's given us a specific thing to focus on and realise their behaviour isn't acceptable and it makes it easier to explain if other people ask.

It is hard seeing other families getting along nicely and wondering why we can't have that. It can feel like you're going crazy or being unreasonable or over sensitive but I think that's just how they've wanted me to feel so they get their way.

Sorry it's been a quite therapeutic talking about this!

I was thinking this. Supposing they were stalkers or something? It's not on for the hotel to amend your booking on the say so of someone else who claims to be a family member - they should have confirmed the change to the meals with you.

And they gave out your bedoom number!

Of course YANBU and you were far more restrained than I would have been

They deliberately gatecrashed your plans, trampled over your blind toes and made it all about them. I’d be so furious I would have to go NC for a while until the dust settled

They sound as selfish and self absorbed as fuck. A pair of narcissistic nightmares.

You are absolutely not in the wrong. Do not apologise. They’re in the wrong not you.

Te answer to that is a resounding yes !!

OP I feel for you, sounds awful.

The reason they surprised you was because they knew you'd say no if they asked. It was to deny you agency and choice and that's bullying.

When you say you 'were furious', do you mean you felt furious and tried to hide it or you actually behaved in a furious way and shouted at them in the restaurant? I assumed you meant the former.

You are allowed boundaries and you are allowed to get your needs meet too. They need to take responsibly for their behaviour, which may mean they end up spending a lot of time just the two of them. They aren't 'alone' as some posters have manipulatively described it, they have each other.

They are adults, they could choose to behave better and if they don't, you are allowed to choose to not be in their company.

I suggest that next year you, OH and the children stay home but mention to NO ONE what these plans are. Let the overbearing parents think you're going to the same hotel and carry on with their plans to gatecrash again.

In hindsight, it is not wise to share information and much as I love my family I most certainly do not want to go on holiday with then nor would I dream of gatecrashing their plans.

They sound absolutely atrocious OP. I can't believe people are defending them! Who books themselves into the same hotel as someone else without asking? Especially over Christmas! That's totally trampling over your boundaries. And it's clear from what you say about the backstory that this was a calculated move.

And why did the hotel confirm it, even disclosing the room numbers so M&D could get a room next door, and be seated with them for every meal ? The hotel have been complicit and l think breached GDPR, and l’d be demanding an explanation.

Yep me too! It’s great that some people clearly have lovely parents and GPs, but that’s not the case for OP.

OP I've been in your shoes. We booked a city break. Family (who I don't get on with) got wind of it and invited themselves along.
Rather than put up with them, we cancelled it.
Don't tell them of your plans in future. The more you can cut down your contact with them, the better your life will be. Flush the turds in your life.

You need to stop rewarding their behaviour. Setting boundaries isn’t enough you have to be willing to enforce them. So next time something like this happens you turn to your parents and say “well hope you enjoy your stay” and you do not eat dinner with them. You don’t socialise with them. It’s not fair to your husband to be subjected to people who openly denigrate him like that especially in front of his children.

Bear in mind the the OP tried to have a nice Christmas with her children. It was the OPs parents who decided that the Christmas that the OP and her husband had chosen for their children wasn't appropriate and changed it to suit what they wanted.

Nice bit of victim blaming there. And therapy would be for OP to understand why her parents behave the way they do, not to learn how to just suck up more of the same. How about rather than OP learning how not to be affected by their behaviour, they learn how not to inflict it on her in the first place. Sometimes no contact is the only reasonable way forward.

Can understand why this has annoyed you/ upset you. Let the dust settle then talk to your mum as it sounds like your dad has anger issues, I would be concerned that you mum is needing support if your dad is so easily angered.

Going forward could you not talk to your sister and alternate so the year you are with your in laws she is with your parents and vis versa?

It’s impossible to impose boundaries on parents who have no boundaries.

You are married, have children and it’s now up to you how you do Christmas and who with.

Your Parents are incredibly rude and self absorbed. Don’t let their ridiculous self absorbed behaviour spoil your Christmas memories.

I can’t see a way forward unless you go NC or Low C with these crazies ! I certainly wouldn’t be tolerating their bs in the future x x

Stay home next year but tell them you're going away!

Your parents sounds dreadful OP. YANBU

I’d also, then, take this up with the hotel. It’s a GDPR violation as they revealed not only that you were staying there as guests but also indirectly your room details. Would they do this for an abusive partner tracking down his ex? It’s illegal.

Honestly, I would absolutely take the hotel to town for this, they are as much part of the the issue because had they not confirmed that you and your children were staying there, your parents would not have booked. I’d insist on a refund and mention contacting a solicitor.