To be mad my folks gatecrashed xmas?

But they didn't 'gatecrash your Christmas', they surprised you on Christmas Eve at the hotel and it seems from your posts, left later that evening. How precious do you have to be to see this as 'ruining your Christmas' (that, apparently, you'd rather spend in a sterile hotel room than at home if it risks coming into contact with your parents)?

You sound joyless and mean-spirited. We all have relatives who are a bit much to take over Christmas but it clearly means a lot to your parents to see you for at least a few hours and you were rude and miserable.

Google "the missing missing reasons"

It will lead you to a web site that deals with the phenomenon of overbearing parents whose adult children who have had enough and gone NC with them. Loads of anecdotes like the one you've shared. It provides insights into the mentality of parents like yours, who cannot see that they are doing anything wrong, despite being told time after time after time.

I don't know if it will help you to know that you are not the only one.

Good grief. If I was them, I wouldn't want to see you again. Needlessly nasty way to behave

Op
You're dead right for sticking to your guns. I think when the dust settles you need to tell them that your dh is your priority over them and if they can't be at least civil to him then you will have no relationship with them.

This is the tine to set new boundaries and stick to them. Your dad's behaviour to your dh at Xmas has given you this 'out' . Make sure you take it .

Your DPs don't see you as an adult with her own life Op, your DFs rages at you and your DH because he still thinks of you as a naughty child and your DH as the man who stole you. There's no reasoning with that mindset.
Do they treat your DSis the same way or do they reserve the emotional blackmail for you Op?

I would have gone home (and locked the doors and drawn the curtains).

Opinions like this come from people who are really naive as they never have to be part of a dysfunctional relationship with their own parents.

I do totally get it OP. My mother is like this, she ignores my own wishes and ruins important occasions. She showed up by "surprise" at a holiday destination with my dad, after being told we wanted to spend that week just ourselves. She can ruin anything and can't help herself to be the centre of attention.
It's very very difficult to navigate relationships like this, but please understand you don't have to endure constant criticism/ bickering just because they are your parents. I am in therapy thanks to all of this, and it's the best thing I have ever done.
You are not in the wrong, they are.

..... Or tell them that you have done, and what's the currency in Mauritius.....

OP might have a very quiet Christmas next year if the DPs are accidentally elsewhere.

@merrychristonabike I'd be furious too, but I'm a bit confused as you said you'd gone to the hotel to escape them, but also that you've been going to that hotel for the past 4 Christmas's? So you've been having Christmas on your own anyway for the past 4 years? Or did I miss something?

You do know that some people just can’t be spoken to ‘in person’? I have a fairly relaxed coparenting relationship with my ex, but if anything needs to be seriously spoken about I do it over text as I cannot revert back to the ‘spoken over/interruptions/‘how dare you say anything negative or critical (even if it barely is)’ arguments it turns into. Exactly the sort of relationship I had with my mother who was 10x worse - the only reason I haven’t had to navigate the same issues as an adult with my own children around my parents is one died and the other fully lost interest many years ago. Some people can only be dealt with in a formal, arms length way, for the sake of your own mental health.

whatever the fuck they want?
stay at a hotel?
if op really didnt want to see her parents they could have asked for their own table

And you are plain rude.
Congratulations, dearie. Your parents must be so proud.

@WillowTit

the fact that they booked to spend christmas with you means you do have a relationship, as far as they are aware

Having a relationship with someone does not entitle them to do whatever the fuck they want whenever they want.

I suspect that, deep down, they know they're in the wrong.

And yes, they won't have bought the kids presents so that you'll feel like you have to go and see them again this holiday season.
Personally, I wouldn't. Just don't mention the presents again. Pretend you never knew about them, and never acknowledge their absence. The kids will get over it, as I assume they got plenty of other lovely gifts.

In my own long experience of narcs, silence is their most hated thing. They'll sit there and stew like angry little teapots, until they eventually bubble over and start communicating sensibly.
They'll like to think they're holding the kids presents over your head, so a complete lack of response or interest is the best answer.

I think the hotel deserves an email from you asking why the fuck they didn't ask you before they added two strangers to your booking? Why didn't you get the heads up someone wanted to have the room next to you and be seated on your table?

While the hotel was somewhat out of order on this, I wouldn't blame them because the op and both sets of parents had been there together before. So they knew it wasn't 'strangers'.

I think the hotel deserves an email from you asking why the fuck they didn't ask you before they added two strangers to your booking? Why didn't you get the heads up someone wanted to have the room next to you and be seated on your table?

Amd you've got to drop the rope with your parents. Whatever you do isn't going to be enough for them, so just do what you want and they will have to accept it.

@merrychristonabike I think the holiday companies may already be advertising beach holidays for Dec 2025. Might want to get in and pay a deposit now. Someone I know is in Mauritius now and having a love time. Your DM won’t be able to crash that one…

I agree with this. It wouldn’t have killed you to make them feel welcome instead of the family leaving them alone and then your DH bollocking them for trying to change that.

It wouldn't have killed them to allow their DD and her family unit to spend Christmas in the way they wanted, but Op is supposed to modify her plans to make them happy (because spending a day as a couple is so intolerable to her parents?) while they get "rewarded" for ignoring her boundaries?

Does Op ever get to have a day or does she have to martyr herself and her family unit for the wants and needs of her abusive parents forever?

Nah, only to those who rightly deserve it.

Indeed I’m known for my hilarity.Sarcasm on the other hand is the lowest form of wit..

Oh my God talk about drama.
Just talk it out in person

Then they thought wrongly.

And as a result of their overbearing behaviour they are now likely to be seeing far less of their grandchildren at Christmas in future, rather than managing to bulldoze people into doing precisely what they want them to do and finding to their shock that they are not quite the pushovers they imagined.

Predictably, any pushback is being met with severe resistance, abusive language, and unedifying scenes. This is likely to have precisely the opposite effect to the one they intended, as inevitably - as with this Christmas - a final straw breaks the camels back. This is the stuff of which NC, or at best VLC, is born, but abusive personalities of DF's type can never see this.

I can guarantee there will then be a variation on the script of 'I have no idea what I did wrong!'

Smart move.

i do think it would be good to hear their opinion
the fact that they booked to spend christmas with you means you do have a relationship, as far as they are aware

Oh how my sides are aching in laughter at this wonderfully original and hilarious comment.