WIBU for cutting MIL out of our lives for comments she made about my 13 year old?

She’s a narcissistic twat and needs avoiding at all costs. Sadly there are too many of them and as they age they can gas light their nearest and ever so dearest to the extreme.

I will repeat the definition of ‘boyfriend’.

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noun

I’d suggest those who had ‘boyfriends’ aged 13, didn’t have boyfriends, which by definition, is a sexual relationship. But had friends, who were boys. And teaching our 13yr old daughters, that a friendship, with a boy, aged 13 needs to be defined as a boyfriend, is not helpful.

I can't remember an age where children didn't have "boyfriends" or "girlfriends".
At primary age it's generally very innocent, as they get into their teens then obviously actual sexual activity will become more of a concern.

But "banning" a child from having a boyfriend is likely to be massively counterproductive - all that will do is promote secrecy and prevent your child coming to you for help or guidance.

If you think saying "no boyfriends" is protecting your kids, you're deluded.

I had a ‘boyfriend’ at 13 (mid 40s now). In about 10 months of “going out” we held hands a couple of times and had a peck on the lips once! And that was in a crowd of others. I’m aware that sadly some kids are sexually active at 13 but it’s equally possible to have a sweet and innocent relationship.
One of my older teen daughters’ friends has been in a relationship for almost a year and is only now contemplating sex (I know this because she’s an over sharer and so is my daughter, who tells me everything even when I don’t ask). Some kids are actually quite restrained and responsible!

Not the primary school kids mentioned on this thread and I remember playing kiss chase at that age but absolutely possible for 13y olds to have a sexualised relationship even if it doesn’t involve sex.

At what age is it okay for your child to have a boy,/girl friend then? I think 13 is pretty standard.
Quite a few of my friends were dating at that age, none of them were doing more than holding hands and kissing. (Obviously some 13 year olds go further but most don't IME).
Your MIL sounds nasty and I don't believe it's because she's from a different generation. My mum is from a different generation too and she's managed to not slate her 4 granddaughters.
You might not be able to go no contact but limit contact, especially with your eldest, who probably won't want to see MIL if she carries on like this anyway.

OP you sound like a good parent and I am sorry your thread has been highjacked with absurd comments.

Your primary responsibility is to protect your DC. This behaviour from her in unacceptable, obviously, and I would prevent any further contact between her and your children. They need you to demonstrate how to enforce appropriate boundaries until they're old enough to do it for themselves so that they don't grow up thinking they should tolerate this abusive behaviour and end up in toxic relationships.

You've warned her, asked her to change her behaviour. She hasn't and won't. I would prevent her from doing any further damage. Your husband can still see her if he wishes without your children being exposed to this.

Oh dear! 🤣

I’m sorry you can’t judge nothing by a comment like that because let’s face it teenage girls can be bitchy and can be really moody

MN is fucking cloud cuckoo land sometimes 😂

"Boyfriend" at that age is not synonymous with "sexual partner." Obviously.

I'm shocked after the comment about your ten year old she had the opportunity to say anything about your 13 year old. There is no way if your partner is a decent man he'd be allowing his mother to use vile slurs like that and still be welcome in your home. Unfortunately the bar for your MiL had been set very low. If she can use that disgusting name for a child, then what she said about your older DD is mild by comparison. I don't know what your partner is thinking.

It may well be normal in your circle, but as a PP has suggested, this is possibly down to semantics and what you define as a ‘boyfriend’.

I was privately educated in the 80’s and boyfriends at 13/14 were not the norm. 15yr old DS and 13yr old DD are also both at private school, and whilst DS Y11 group are starting to get boyfriends/girlfriends, I can assure you, it’s categorically not the norm in Y8 for DD’s year, and all of the Y8 parents would be concerned if they thought they were getting into ‘relationships’ as would the teaching staff.

The OP is going to have egg on her face if she does fall pregnant!

She sounds actively dangerous to your children’s mental and emotional wellbeing. I wouldn’t be around her, and I wouldn’t allow
her anywhere near my children.

I was going to say maybe we should go to past practice and keep girls in nunneries before their “coming out’ season. geez louise.

Madness, isn't it!

I had a boy kiss me on the cheek when I was 12. I still remember that kiss and him with great fondness. It’s nice.

Awww that is cute.

My other child decided who she was going to marry aged 4 when still at nursery. He told his mum that they're going to get married and have 6 children. My daughter told me I need to extend the house so they can all live here with me. 🤣 Their "dates" mainly involve racing around a playground.

Of course they do, when I was a teen (40 years ago) a girl in my class was pregnant at 14-15. It happens, but usually parents would try to prevent this by not encouraging having "boyfriends" when you are literally a child yourself and putting boundaries and rules in place.

With regards to your MIL Op - I think you dont like her anyway, might as well stop talking to her. She was a bit rude but I guess she is from a different generation so the kind of stull she came up with was pretty normal in her days.

You were massively unreasonable to share anything private about your daughter with a woman you openly hate, says the first thing that comes out of her mouth and generally likes to cause mischief

No doubt that will come back to bite you when she says “oh granddaughter I have heard from your mother that you have fallen out with your friends and been a bit moody”. How on earth will your DD feel knowing you have been talking about her with her gran who it sounds like everyone knows she is a pain in the arse

Op, look at the technique of grey rock. Employing it successfully will lower your blood pressure and take the wind out of your MIL”s sails. She’s looking for a reaction. Don’t give it to her.

She sounds like a peach. Seems like you have your daughters’ back - you don’t need to appease her

Erm ok 👍

I was going to say maybe we should go to past practice and keep girls in nunneries before their “coming out’ season. geez louise.

I had a boy kiss me on the cheek when I was 12. I still remember that kiss and him with great fondness. It’s nice.

Cut her off and save yourself the grief of having her around.

I had a horrible, mean spirited, vile MIL who made my life hell. She liked my DD but the comments I’ve heard her make about her other granddaughters… yikes. She said one of them (13 as well!) was “nothing more than a common prostitute” because the poor girl ran away once.

Social media didn’t exist when I was 13. Human emotion did though.

My six-year-old has insisted for the last year that she and one of her little friends who’s a boy are going to get married when they grow up. She actually told me, “Johnny and I are in love and there’s nothing you can do to stop us.” 😂 I think she got that line from some movie someplace…

After asking a few questions, I discovered that ‘Johnny’ does not actually know that they are in love and getting married.😂😂😂