To think men and women are actually programmed differently?

Our brains are so different, our genes are so different, there is so much advantage as a society for us being different and working as a team.

If you read up on the gender difference in neuroscience there is a clear distinction in the way we experience the world. It is nothing to be ashamed about and we can be proud for it as women.

No
Dont Present opinion as definitive fact. Opinion isn’t evidence
Women aren’t innately better at nurturing

DH works 2 days a week and I work 3 days a week. We have a 3yo and 1yo.

He has spent so much time with them out of his own choice and still is like maybe 3% as intuitive as I am with the kids. He cannot hold as many things in his brain as I can. He just can't see that DS2 clearly needs a poo whilst cooking dinner and holding the 1yo. His eyes are just not at the back of his head.

Women are far better at mothering and we should be proud to say that we are better at caring for our children in a nurturing way.

Look up how the war impacted women.

Women were traditionally homemakers but during the war were forced/encouraged to work and were made to feel guilty for not doing so.

They were incredible and worked just as hard and were just as capable as the men.

After the war, the government wanted women out of the workplace and back into the home and a lot of money was pumped into making women feel guilty for wanting to work (this is where mum guilt stems from).

Research was funded into finding things like attachment theory, which is absolutely true and so important but the government was hell bent on proving that a woman’s place was in the home that they pumped loads of money into ‘proving it’.

So just as women are just as capable of working, men are just as capable of being parents, cooking and cleaning etc.

💯

I do think men and women are wired differently but it doesn’t make either any less/more capable.

We learn differently and have different ways of doing things.

If he had to learn and cope alone, he absolutely would but he doesn’t need to because (subconsciously or not) he knows you will do it.

Boys and Men are afforded the luxury of being forgiven for things due to their sex. In the same way that women and girls are often measured to be lacking/not doing enough due to their sex.

This then manifests itself in mothers who work their fingers to the bone for fear of judgement and (in the main) fathers who really have to do so very little to be deemed Good.

What do you think single dads or two dads do with their children then? Just low level neglect them and bring them up with poor hygiene and a lack of regard for their safety in dirty houses where nothing is remembered, done in time, done properly or often forgotten at all?

Men: Can design Tesla cars, rockers that fly to the moon, washing machines, microwaves, skyscrapers..

But can't remember when the wife's birthday is..

It's selective incompetence.

If they can hold down a job, pass a driving test, research and spend money on a hobby like golf or fishing or cycling... They're perfectly capable of doing every normal life activity... They just choose not too because they have a mommy to do it and then they get a replacement mommy..

Fuck that poo

Yes. We are a dimorphic species. The males and females are absolutely very different and evolved to follow behaviour patterns that helped our ancestors survive.
Nobody says gorillas or lions or seahorses of different sexes should or can behave the same. We are very clever so we can fight our instincts quite well but they are always there.

Women are much better all round IMHO. 😁

Don’t ever let yourself be fooled that your man’s shitness is inherent.

👆👆

Exactly. They can be perfectly competent when it suits them.

I think there are two axes - natural ability and general competence. Low natural ability can be made up for by general competence and vice versa.

I grew up rurally, and there were very few involved fathers in the natural/farming world, but they do exist. And there were plenty of lousy disinterested mothers.

For example, one of our hens always lost at least half her chicks. She'd do dumb stuff like take them down by fast water, or just reappear with half of them gone for no particular reason. None of the other hens ever lost more than the odd one (her sister was an excellent mother). And one of our cockerels was always very attentive to the hens with a brood - he'd pick out choice bits of food for them.

I've also seen two male cats show an excess of tender interest in kittens that definitely weren't theirs - hunting for them and grooming.

In fact, my current tom cat adores babies of all species. He was found protecting a nest of mice this summer (possibly ate mum but thought the babies were cute), and he loved my baby son.

Gender is just a construct.

“do his best but basically be far less good at parenting than me”

aren’t you sweet. Maybe he thinks some of the things you do are mediocre too.

for example, it’s likely if you’re parenting a son when you believe that men just can’t do these important things, you’re not as great a parent as you think you are.

It's socialisation. Anyone who thinks it's biology has unfortunately swallowed years and years and years of societal conditioning to make you think that it's biology. People always go 'i see xx behaviour in all men so it must be biology' or it's the fact that societies across different cultures are overwhelmingly skewed towards the woman as caregiver model? (Yes yes, not your Nigel, and yes that one particular country is more equal etc - none of these detract from the fact that women as caregiver is overwhelmingly the expectation and model)

'He can never remember that baby will need fresh clothes for the week ahead'
'What does your husband do?'
'Oh he runs a large operational division of xx suplier'

You are being fucking had. If men were actually struggling with remembering/biology, it would be incredibly common to hear of men making lists of things to do in each scenario (or their reminder trick of choice) to make sure they were doing it right, asking to do more of bedtime/bathttime so it was really ingrained in their brains... but that's vanishingly rare. Yet they will do these things at work... funny that.

Topped off with a cheeky women are more nurturing than men chaser

Indeed. With a side order of ‘Men can’t see dirt, bless their hearts’. Whereas possessing a vagina means you are automatically programmed to change nappies.

Even my cousin who had moderate learning disabilities is capable of learning how to change a nappy.

Are you suggesting your DP has less learning capacity than someone with moderate LD? No? Then the other obvious answer is this is weaponised incompetence at its finest! How can you not see that?

I think men and women are wired differently as parents though. I feel as though there is an identity shift for women when they become mothers that men just don’t experience.

This is so true! I pretty much lost myself in becoming a mother after I had dd1. It took me until dd2 was in her early teens before I realised how much of myself I'd lost.

(It’s because I can’t be arsed, not because I’m incapable. Like most men)

Don’t ever let yourself be fooled that your man’s shitness is inherent.

It is always intentional and purposeful.

Why would you choose a well planned system to change nappies when you could do a crap job and know that every one you fail makes you less and less likely to have to change another?

Men are assholes but they are also geniuses.

I don’t have one either. I’m fairly sure I’m female.

I disagree. My DH has always been far more natural and better at parenting than me. It's always been a chore to me, whilst he seems to relish in it.

I have no system for hanging out the washing; I do not have a penis and I definitely have no fucks.

Wholeheartedly agree. I find gender tropes tiresome.
There is no robust evidence to support that men are innately rubbish at parenting