To think men and women are actually programmed differently?

No. Some men are just lazier and more thoughtless than their female partners, in large part because they know their partner is picking up the slack when they don’t pull their weight properly and the bloke is in the habit of knowing his partner will manage what he doesn’t.

My husband is every bit as capable and competent a parent as me. He doesn’t make silly mistakes like not blowing on food or flailing about with nappies because he’s an equal parent in every sense.

Your husband might broadly be a decent man but he’s a worse parent than you because he isn’t trying as hard and he knows you’ll pick up his slack, not because of some innate biological programming that makes him less competent.

"can you put the washer on this afternoon please?" I said,
"I don't know how to use the washer..." He said..
"What do you mean you don't know how to use a washer?"
"I don't know what the settings all do, I'll leave it till you get in and you can do it .."
"...."
"Hello?...."
"... So you're telling me you can build a pc, set up a games console, organise surround sound in the living room and use all the pc programs they need you too whilst at work, but you can't turn a dial to pick a wash on a washing machine? Are you taking the fucking piss?"

Or words to that effect.

He had the washer on by the time I got home and he was out of my life within a month. (Not just for that...but partly...)

You say you used to think it was because of upbringing/socialisation, OP. What made you question that? Because tbh there's nothing about the examples in your OP about your DH that would be unlikely to be the result of socialisation.

No.no
attachment is an emotion and psychological state embedded in consistency,regard and love. Attachment is not solely mode of feeding
Given vast majority babies are formula fed there is not an attachment crisis in uk

Well I definitely do agree that men are capable of parenting and a father is better than any woman at looking after his own child.

Well it is true semantically. Women are better at mothering. Men are better at fathering, only because of the language we use! To me, they’re both ‘parenting’ and there is no real distinction between the two apart from the giving birth and if you choose to breastfeed. Other than that, both are able to provide and love a child and bring them up the best way they can. Let’s not pretend there aren’t shit mothers, just look at the threads on here!!

Yes, I agree with you. While men can and do learn to do these things well (my husband being an example), I think it isn't as intuitive for them.

How can men do demanding complex jobs,healthcare,military, engineering but can’t change a nappy
Come the fuck on and stop excusing inadequate male parenting.
raise your standards stop making excuses.Enough with the neurosexism

No but breastfeeding supports bonding and building a healthy attachment and formula feeding does not.

FYI.- I have formula fed and I understand that sometimes you have to do what works for your family.

Yes, I think you’re right with the nuances.

See, I’m a lot more like what’s presumed a man in this thread. No inclination to do housework, see it as unimportant and get someone else to decorate and clean my house for me. I like it nice, tasteful and tidy but I’d no idea how to actually achieve it.

No idea what to do with a baby or young child, out of my comfort zone. My ex knew far more about babies, their needs and liked interacting with them, whereas I’ve no clue how to apart from making eye contact and smiling and speaking in a reassuring tone when they scream.

Crafts, sewing etc… Hopeless no matter how hard I try.

Fashion and beauty I’m ok at which is probably the only thing, but that can be learned/ is off-the-shelf, and I still wouldn’t trust myself to do my own hair.

All the traditional men’s tasks I find very intuitive and easy. Can’t relate to women describing certain tasks or situations as ‘intimidating’.

No
so very wrong
read cordelia fine Delusions of Gender: The Real Science Behind Sex Differences

I really think it's all genetics. Down to what job you end up with. So men being vastly worse at domestic tasks in general is unsurprising.

They are pretty clear. They certainly don’t state that you can only bond with your child as a mother by breastfeeding them or that breastfeeding is the only way to have a child with a healthy attachment.

It would be interesting if the level of competence in men changed if childrearing was attached to pay!
I know in office situations women do more to make the office a nice place to be and that work is not attached to bonuses/targets/promotions etc but now some of the corporate world is attaching a proportion of bonuses to this kind of work or ensuring women get supported in higher level jobs and it works. I know namalt but it's a big enough proportion. I sort the birthdays out for our team. My male colleagues will sort it if I specifically say X's birthday is next week please arrange to collect the money and buy a gift but they still ask questions about what even though they are better friends with the recipient whereas I am expected to know because I take an interest in general parts of their lives (if they are happy to share)
I know men who are incredibly good with their children and think ahead about food, clothings etc and sort it for when they are travelling. Equally I do notice that none of my male colleagues ever say they can't wait to get back to their children like my female colleagues after a work trip away.
Lastly I am extremely clumsy so I wouldn't say I am better than most men but I care enough to practice and improve within my ability on any child related things. Equally I can change a plug, a tyre, a light bulb, a light fitting, a plug socket, a car lightbulb and windscreen washers because my dad taught me. Most of my female friends aren't interested and don't even try. I have heard that women are generally interested in people and men in things but society can definitely help change that, nowadays surely it's more acceptable to be either sex and good or bad at anything.

Breastfeeding doesn’t result in increased or better attachment vs formula
Attachment is emotional & psychological. Attachment isn’t triggered. or initiated by mode of nutrition

Some of you are socialised into letting men be suboptimal because you are conditioned to expect it. Raise your expectations

I don't think we should derail this thread but happy for you to start a new one. The breastfeeding benefits are pretty clear.

Men and women are different. Women ar

You were talking about survival. It simply isn’t true that babies can’t survive without their mother thanks to formula.

Even so, babies can bond and have a healthy attachment to their mother without breastfeeding. It happens all of the time considering the UK’s poor breastfeeding rates.

Formula is nutritionally robust medically approved - it’s safe and used by millions parents
Attachment is fostered by habitation, repetition, regard and consistency to build trust. Certainly BF is part of attachment and bonding as is formula feeding. Attachment is the authentic emotional state and unconditional regard that primary carers and parents give to babies

And for those that say men can't hold all these tasks in their minds, how do they function at work then? Excluding those that have a PA.

I agree with this when looking at the population as a whole however I wish people could acknowledge this but also accept that it’s not so black and white when looking at individuals and that such typical characteristics can be found in both sexes. Basically I dislike the extreme feminists and traditionalists.

Breastfeeding isn't just about nutrition. It also supports bonding and a healthy attachment to mother which is very vital for children's mental health. There are also many other benefits to the child in terms of their future physical health. I understand why women cannot and do not breastfeed but formula is not a substitution.

I'm confused - surely you notice your DS2 needs a poo because you've paid attention to his body language in the past, and recognise when he starts to display that body language. That's basic stuff, it's not something that only happens in a blue moon, and you've not mentioned if your husband has a vision impairment, so how does that translate into him not being able to see it?

Or maybe he doesn't want to deal with the poo?