To think men and women are actually programmed differently?

However, some things can't be changed. Men as a sex are better at spatial awareness, women better at multitasking. That's not learned behaviour…

Yes it is learned behaviour.

Spatial awareness includes real life examples like if a toddler with a mass of 7kg moving at velocity of 8mph is dashing on a collision course with older sibling swinging forward on a swing with the curved trajectory of x to the h at a velocity of 13mph, and you are 3ms away you have just enough seconds to run in pursuit and grab toddler before he is bowled over and requires a trip to A&E.

The above requires more spatial awareness than landing an aeroplane.

Can men multi-task? Yes they can. Having affairs and living a double life is the pinnacle of multi-tasking and apparently two thirds of men do it for fun.

No. Nope
Read Cordelia fine - Delusions of Gender – How Our Minds, Society, and Neurosexism Create Difference
men aren’t naturally better at spatial design. Architecture courses have sizeable amount female students.Zaha Hadid did exemplary work (for a woman😉)

This.

It’s the opposite in my house. No kids, but I promise you up and down that I do not see the ‘mess’ my husband sees. Even trying my best I cannot do housework as well as him. I’m a woman. He’s a man. There’s no inherent gender difference, we’re just different people with different perspectives and different skills.

Wholeheartedly agree
we need to stop excusing domestic male inadequacies , oh diddums it’s the way he’s wired. It’s a tired harmful trope. Men are working and multitasking daily they can and do demonstrate these skills when they have to. Unfortunately some women cut them slack and acquiesce to faux incompetence

I'd say we're not just programmed differently, we're also running on completely different hardware.

The programming is learned. Men are more predisposed to be lazier, and less likely to put themselves out for other people than women are. Society teaches women to "be kind", but teaches men that women will handle the busywork.

But that's learned behaviour, it's caused by the way we're treated growing up. And learned behaviour can be unlearned, changed. Bug-fixed, to stretch the programming metaphor.

However, some things can't be changed. Men as a sex are better at spatial awareness, women better at multitasking. That's not learned behaviour, there are differences in the structures of our brain and it's chemistry that facilitate these different skills. The hardware is fundamentally different.

Sounds like utter nonsense. I don't think seeing jobs in the house, washing hands scrupulously and blowing on food are innate for any gender. That's just social conditioning to perceive such behaviour as "maternal" or feminine or whatever you're trying to imply.

My DH is as good, if not a better parent than i am. He does more than i do, but we have different methods.

No. These are all learned skills and behaviours, men are just as capable as women and vice versa. Patriarchy’s last gasp is to try and convince us that men just can’t grasp basic parenting and household management so we women have to do it so ooops we have less time and energy to be CEOs or A&E doctors.

It’s a fucking lie. Just like we can, they can too.

@Spaceid

Obviously I'm generalizing, but I do think there is such a thing as maternal instinct. But then again I do think it's how you grew up as many women who weren't around kids a lot don't have the instinct.

Anyway, I think it's more common for women to desire kids and be better at taking care of them. Obviously there are outliers.

My DH is at least as competent at me when it comes to parenting and housework, if not more so.

Well I breastfed and held my baby all day and it nearly killed me. I’ve never suffered from any sort of depression, but breastfeeding was horrendous for me and our baby. I’m pro breastfeeding and pro bottle feeding. Just do what’s right for your family.

Bottles turned out to be amazing for me, I felt I could relax, the fog lifted and form what I felt was a bond with my child. Just wish I did it sooner.

DH and I are equal attachment figures and then mine are also attached to their nursery keyworker.

You’re so very vexed it’s hard to establish what is your point
and yes I can read.i read voraciously

The word primary is there for a reason. You don't have to be the primary attachment figure if you don't want to be.

I have correctly said that breastfeeding supports bonding. Why is it so hard for you to accept that and start lecturing me about how it is not the ONLY factor when I never said it was. I said it supports bonding.

Babies can and do form attachment to more than one care giver.

My DH is just as capable of taking charge and giving bottles as I am.

Ok, you’re introducing a new tangent to deflect from your poor points
I have correctly said attachment isn’t solely achieved by breastfeeding one can formula feed and have a secure attachment. I have explained to you how attachment works, it’s an emotional & psychological state. Attachment is Not nutrition dependent
Breastfeeding is optimal, and has benefits. Formula isn’t suboptimal it’s nutritionally safe and different to breastfeeding
Do refrain from silly outbursts, read my posts (carefully)

Yes, men and women are different and given some of the batshittery on here I’m glad as it balances things out 😂
On a more serious note people just do things differently, when it comes to parenting men are taught from the moment a baby is born that they’re the secondary parent because of hospitals (e.g. visiting hours) etc. Then society teaches them that they “have” to go back to work and provide. What that often creates is a dad trying to do things the way the mum does and getting it “wrong” rather than learning for themselves.
I’m sure I’ll get flamed for that but it’s just my view.

Ok, you’re introducing a new tangent to deflect from your poor points
I have correctly said attachment isn’t solely achieved by breastfeeding one can formula feed and have a secure attachment. I have explained to you how attachment works, it’s an emotional & psychological state. Attachment is Not nutrition dependent

Breastfeeding is optimal, and has benefits. Formula isn’t suboptimal it’s nutritionally safe and different to breastfeeding

Do refrain from silly outbursts, read my posts (carefully)

Next you are going to tell me we shouldn't be promoting attachment to a primary care giver. Let the dads take charge and give baby a bottle.

Can you read?

If a woman is literally holding her baby for longer in the day and having her baby close to her she is going to have a better bond with that child. It also reduces the risk of postnatal depression which is incredibly common and can prevent women from bonding with their babies properly. I know the difference between bonding and attachment but they are interlinked.

You are so anti-breastfeeding that you are literally denying the benefits of it.

Feeding a baby supports bonding and building a healthy attachment, it doesn’t matter how you do it. It also isn’t the only way to bond or build a healthy attachment.

It’s often why people other than the parents like to give the baby a bottle.

Absolutely this. What a load of rubbish.

Kerthefuckching - that’s how you do it

I've been known to ask "aren't you embarrassed about that?" To men who say shit like "I can't work the washer". It's embarrassing.

Is it intuitive for me to be a good engineer? Most of my counterparts are men. I don’t think they are any better or worse than me because they have a penis. It certainly was not intuitive for me to be a parent. I learnt it as did my husband. I think that narrative is flawed and harmful, not feeling like you’re a good mother because you don’t immediately know how to do it doesn’t make you a bad mother and could possibly contribute to PND. You don’t love your child any less because you don’t automatically know how to hold a baby or change a nappy.