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Original poster

To think men and women are actually programmed differently?

237 replies

Isittjustme · 27/12/2024 20:00

I have spent many years believing a lot of men just don’t get on with things in the same way women do (ie ‘seeing’ the jobs to do in the house etc) because they are socially conditioned not to. But… since having ds and watching my partner really do his best but basically be far less good at parenting than me, I have started to wonder if men and women are actually just programmed differently.

DP really does try (at least I believe so). But he doesn’t get a good system going with ds when doing a nappy, just one example, he will often be flailing around or forget to wash his hands etc. He will forget to blow on the food every once in a while.. there’s so many more examples and they are small things I guess, but in contrast I rarely do these things. And I’m not saying I’m a perfect parent, I’m not. But I recognise this with my friends and the men in their lives too, it’s the same sort of thing.

DP has a good job and does it well. He’s quite a sincere man and I think he really does try his best. This makes me think perhaps some of it is innate for women and not for men?

OP posts:
Original poster
Isittjustme · 27/12/2024 20:12

Zone2NorthLondon · 27/12/2024 20:06

Please let’s not have a thread of tropes and men are from mars women are from Venus ramblings

@Zone2NorthLondon 😂😂 fair. But I do honestly think DP is trying his absolute best!

OP posts:
Zone2NorthLondon · 27/12/2024 20:12

Spaceid · 27/12/2024 20:11

So how come the majority of directors are men? Most of the high powered jobs have been taken by men? You can’t be in those jobs by not noticing things, not remembering to do basic tasks. It’s social conditioning of decades of men not having to remember ‘household’ chores and not having any consequences of not doing them. If they ‘forgot’ things like that at work they’d be sacked. They don’t get sacked at home, occasionally their partners wise up and dump them though. My husband has a very technical, high responsibility job and can also manage to do all the household and childcare jobs. It’s not rocket science, it’s some people are lazy and are enabled to act like that.

Wholeheartedly agree

Spaceid · 27/12/2024 20:11

So how come the majority of directors are men? Most of the high powered jobs have been taken by men? You can’t be in those jobs by not noticing things, not remembering to do basic tasks. It’s social conditioning of decades of men not having to remember ‘household’ chores and not having any consequences of not doing them. If they ‘forgot’ things like that at work they’d be sacked. They don’t get sacked at home, occasionally their partners wise up and dump them though. My husband has a very technical, high responsibility job and can also manage to do all the household and childcare jobs. It’s not rocket science, it’s some people are lazy and are enabled to act like that.

Zone2NorthLondon · 27/12/2024 20:11

I’m afraid your dh need to get a bit of practice in and become competent
its not genetic it’s volition

Collette78 · 27/12/2024 20:11

I think maybe your examples are just that you have different variations of the way you complete tasks, and that would be the same if you compared your style with another woman’s.

However, yes men and women are innately different in lots of ways. I don’t mean better / worse, but absolutely there are differences.

Deadringer · 27/12/2024 20:09

Men and women are different in many ways, but they can both preform simple tasks consistently and responsibly if they want to. In many cases men just don't seem to want to.

Comedycook · 27/12/2024 20:09

soupfiend · 27/12/2024 20:04

I think men and women are different, boys and girls are different. Society has spent a long time trying to tell us we are all the same, we're not. We need the same opportunites and can do the same things as each other, perhaps in different ways, but we're not the same.

And thats ok.

Agree.

It's the nature v nurture debate isn't it. Yes nurture plays a part but overall yes I absolutely think women and men are programmed by nature to be different. There will always be outliers to this obviously but overall, yes.

WhereIsMyLight · 27/12/2024 20:06

No, men are perfectly capable of remembering to blow on food or wash their hands after a changing a nappy. A lot of men are good at pretending to be competent but still not really giving a shit and happy to look ineffective so more work is done by their partner.

Zone2NorthLondon · 27/12/2024 20:06

Please let’s not have a thread of tropes and men are from mars women are from Venus ramblings

Zone2NorthLondon · 27/12/2024 20:04

NO
You’re describing personality, socialisation and habit. Men aren’t genetically programmed to do parenting tasks badly. It can be mastered with practice (if he want to)

soupfiend · 27/12/2024 20:04

I think men and women are different, boys and girls are different. Society has spent a long time trying to tell us we are all the same, we're not. We need the same opportunites and can do the same things as each other, perhaps in different ways, but we're not the same.

And thats ok.

Original poster
Isittjustme · 27/12/2024 20:02

The examples I’ve given are silly but they all contribute to the general sense that he gets far more overwhelmed by me with it.

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