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Original poster

Partner not wanting sex while I am pregnant

108 replies

Motherof1and2dogs · 27/12/2024 18:36

Just wanted to see what everyone thinks about the above. My husband is fully aware I am writing this by the way, but I am curious to see what others think so we can sit down and read together your replies, either I need to respect his feelings or he needs to respect mine (by the way this is not an argument, we have been joking around about the situation but he is 100% serious) so he refuses to have sex with me as soon as I start to show my bump, he gets really freaked out about the thought of having sex when I am pregnant, I can kind of sympathise as it must be a bit strange, but how can we both go the next 6.5 months without sex 😫 I mean he seems fine with it but I'm not. I am not an addict in anyway, but I think at least 1-2 times a month is healthy for your relationship. I do think it will affect me not being able to do it for such a long time in terms of self esteem as well as the emotional side of it, and then when baby is here it will probably be even longer after that!

Has anyone else been in a similar situation? Should I respect how he feels and just deal with it? Should he just build up the courage and have sex with me while pregnant? Sorry for so much information but just interested to see what people say, maybe some comments may help me or him with the situation. Thanks in advance! :)

OP posts:
SerafinasGoose · 27/12/2024 19:51

Not at all true. My DH felt the same about sex during my pregnancy, and my hormones made me rampant so it was an incredibly frustrating experience! I had to rely on my own resources, but I do remember feeling quite hurt and rejected.

Someone who does not want sex shouldn't have it: that's a very clear boundary. I breastfed for 18 months and he was completely supportive and admiring of that -
not to mention unphased by the fact that the big 'O' not infrequently made me spurt milk!

Sorry if that's TMI. But my point is that it's not necessary misogyny that makes some men respond like this, nor is it necessarily a rejection of you or your changing body. By my understanding it's not uncommon.

ItOnlyTakesTwoMinutes · 27/12/2024 19:51

Motherof1and2dogs · 27/12/2024 19:49

@AshCrapp not pressure at all! I've been with him almost 10 years, married, we have another child, just wanted to see what people thought about the situation. Me and my husband have a brilliant relationship, this was purely done to see other people's opinions. Not forcing him at all to have sex, never would force him, I just wanted to know if he was overreacting or if it was common or vice versa. I've just told him if no sex then he can make up for it in foot and back massages as he still expects blow jobs which is fine 😄

Obviously, he’ll be offering oral to you if he’s still expecting blow jobs?

Toriiaa · 27/12/2024 19:51

Toriiaa · 27/12/2024 19:42

My DP was so worried he would touch the baby. I mean, his willy is well sized but not that big 😂😂😂
What I would say is, we had a miscarriage before DD and he was worried about causing a miscarriage again.
I'm 8 months pregnant and we have had sex 4 times in total. I personally want to punch him in the face most of the time so that would be why I don't want it 😂😂

I also pressed send before finishing this.
Could he have any worries about sex while pregnant?
I used to be really driven by sex, I felt if we didn't have sex he didn't love me, but I think some relationships stay in that cycle and some fall out and either break or develop further (couldn't tell you which way mine is going on that aspect)
I hope you get through this, pregnancy hormones also don't help the situation either

Original poster
Motherof1and2dogs · 27/12/2024 19:49

@AshCrapp not pressure at all! I've been with him almost 10 years, married, we have another child, just wanted to see what people thought about the situation. Me and my husband have a brilliant relationship, this was purely done to see other people's opinions. Not forcing him at all to have sex, never would force him, I just wanted to know if he was overreacting or if it was common or vice versa. I've just told him if no sex then he can make up for it in foot and back massages as he still expects blow jobs which is fine 😄

OP posts:
Toriiaa · 27/12/2024 19:42

My DP was so worried he would touch the baby. I mean, his willy is well sized but not that big 😂😂😂
What I would say is, we had a miscarriage before DD and he was worried about causing a miscarriage again.
I'm 8 months pregnant and we have had sex 4 times in total. I personally want to punch him in the face most of the time so that would be why I don't want it 😂😂

AshCrapp · 27/12/2024 19:37

Did you really expect a forum full of women to tell you that it's fine to pressure someone into having unwanted sex?

JustMyView13 · 27/12/2024 19:37

Post Partum, you’re unlikely to want sex until you’re healed. And even then, you might want more time still. Is he ok with being patient? That could be a year or more no sex, how does he feel about that?
Your reasoning would be specifically medical, vs his preference.
Both should only have sex if you want to, but is he going to be nagging you when you’ve had baby?
Is he going to use this as an excuse for infidelity in the future?

Pickingmyselfup · 27/12/2024 19:29

Sorry but I'm on his side. I found pregnancy and sex very weird no matter who told me it wasn't an issue.

It's not ideal for you but there could be something else that prevents him from getting the urge.

For something that is temporary it's not something I would rock the boat over and I would be raging if anybody tried to get my pregnant self to have sex when they didn't want to.

Pregnancy and young kids cause the sex drive absolute chaos to everyone, don't take it personally until you are back here when the kids have moved out!

fuzzychic · 27/12/2024 19:28

ItOnlyTakesTwoMinutes · 27/12/2024 19:28

Don’t let the door hit you on the way out.

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What is your problem?

ItOnlyTakesTwoMinutes · 27/12/2024 19:28

fuzzychic · 27/12/2024 19:26

If someone spoke to me like that the bedroom I'd be out of there. It's not a joke to basically tell someone who doesn't want sex to get on with it

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Don’t let the door hit you on the way out.

fuzzychic · 27/12/2024 19:27

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I beg your pardon?

ItOnlyTakesTwoMinutes · 27/12/2024 19:26

BIossomtoes · 27/12/2024 19:25

It’s not for ever. Surely anyone can manage without sex for a few months?

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Going without sex, for me, is really bad for my mental health. Some can go without it, some it affects more than others.

YaWeeFurryBastard · 27/12/2024 19:26

BIossomtoes · 27/12/2024 19:25

It’s not for ever. Surely anyone can manage without sex for a few months?

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Of course, but I’d be upset if my husband made me feel unattractive and not desired during something as life changing as pregnancy.

fuzzychic · 27/12/2024 19:26

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If someone spoke to me like that the bedroom I'd be out of there. It's not a joke to basically tell someone who doesn't want sex to get on with it

ItOnlyTakesTwoMinutes · 27/12/2024 19:25

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BIossomtoes · 27/12/2024 19:25

ItOnlyTakesTwoMinutes · 27/12/2024 19:23

Of course! But problems regarding sex in a relationship cannot just be brushed off with that. Sex is very important for connection - it is something that needs to take in consideration both parties needs and desires.

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It’s not for ever. Surely anyone can manage without sex for a few months?

Jc2001 · 27/12/2024 19:25

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fuzzychic · 27/12/2024 19:24

ItOnlyTakesTwoMinutes · 27/12/2024 19:23

Of course! But problems regarding sex in a relationship cannot just be brushed off with that. Sex is very important for connection - it is something that needs to take in consideration both parties needs and desires.

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Tell him to bend you over, pop it in and get it done

Is not going to solve problems re sex in a relationship

YaWeeFurryBastard · 27/12/2024 19:24

I’d find his attitude very immature and a turn off. A basic knowledge of a woman’s anatomy would dispel any myths of his dick touching the baby if that’s what he’s bothered about 🙄. It seems very natural to me for a man to be proud of his pregnant wife and find her attractive - mine certainly does despite the weight gain.

There’s just something about this that would make me feel a bit off and I’d be wondering if he’d be feeling the same when you’re a mum and perhaps breastfeeding. It makes me think of a teenage boy going “ew gross”.

ItOnlyTakesTwoMinutes · 27/12/2024 19:24

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ItOnlyTakesTwoMinutes · 27/12/2024 19:23

fuzzychic · 27/12/2024 18:42

He has a right to refuse sex for any reason and none

Of course! But problems regarding sex in a relationship cannot just be brushed off with that. Sex is very important for connection - it is something that needs to take in consideration both parties needs and desires.

Katemax82 · 27/12/2024 19:23

I wish my husband would lose some of his ridiculous sex drive when km pregnant

fuzzychic · 27/12/2024 19:22

ItOnlyTakesTwoMinutes · 27/12/2024 19:21

I would be really hurt by this. I had sex through all my pregnancies. Tell him to bend you over, pop it in and get it done 😂

That's disgusting. He doesn't want sex.

ItOnlyTakesTwoMinutes · 27/12/2024 19:21

I would be really hurt by this. I had sex through all my pregnancies. Tell him to bend you over, pop it in and get it done 😂

fuzzychic · 27/12/2024 19:20

Motherof1and2dogs · 27/12/2024 19:04

@BIossomtoes that is exactly why he feels uncomfortable doing it, he feels he will be touching the baby while having sex. I totally get where he is coming from and why he would be freaked out by it, just going to be a struggle for me 😫 he will have to just make up for it with lots of back massages instead as it's the physical touch I will miss!

No he won't, he doesn't have to give you back massages as some sort of punishment