Things you make a point of doing as a parent, that your parents didn’t

Same here. One thing I've never tolerated is arguing and shouting between my DC, and certainly never being physical with each other the way me and my siblings were at times... With my Dad being heavy handed too.

Me and DH have basically tried our hardest to do most things differently to our own parents

Give lots of hugs and say " love you" . Praise him when appropriate. Try not to embarrass him.

I grew up in a shouty house and hated it

My house is quiet and calm

I speak positively about them in front of them. To this day my parents will talk about how all I ever did was cry as a baby, I was a “whiny child” my room was a mess when I was a teenager. They can never say one positive thing about me. It’s always done in jest and it’s supposed to be funny but I will never put my kids down in front of them to other people. I will always always always say how wonderful they are.

Making things magical! My parents are lovely and im
quite happy with my my upbringing.
but, I was a very imaginative child and always felt a bit disappointed around Christmas and birthdays as there was no ‘magic’ - just all very practical and sensible.
in our home we decorate for birthdays, Christmas or any excuse. Eat all the special food and make things as festive as we can!
I don’t mean consumerism and over the top gift giving - just all the little touches and effort that makes it extra special.

Take my kids to parks
Take kids for fun days out, zoos, theme parks etc
Replenish the snacks mid week if eaten, my parents never did this.
Let my kids add to the list for supermarket shop
When they need or want something, within reason they get it rather than waiting until Christmas or Birthday. I'm not talking x boxes mid year but if they ask for a new barbie or train set they generally get it

@EmeraldDreams73 Help them develop self esteem as well as being polite. Our upbringing was SO "it's not about you, it's all about Other People" that both my brother and I ended up as doormats with abusive partners.
This. One hundred per cent this.

@Mangocity "School is optional but effort is not. All are self motivated high achievers at present but we spent a lot of time building forest dens with other wildlings and messing around at the beach for a while there."

School is optional???

Who are you responding to here?

Apologizing when we mess up shouldn’t require parents “prostrating themselves.” Are you that uncomfortable with the idea of a simple apology that you need to frame it as some act of groveling submission? I don’t want my DC to be that resistant to apologizing when they realize they could have done better in a situation, so I model the behavior I want them to learn. Of course I don’t apologize to my DC for telling them off when that’s what’s needed (where are you getting that?) but I do apologize when I jump to a wrong conclusion, or shout over something small because I had a stressful day at work, or forget to pick up something they need for school, or realize in hindsight that a rule or decision was poorly thought out.

And saying I love you isn’t a substitute for showing it. But expressing that feeling in words absolutely does have value when your actions back it up.

FFS. I have only one child, not through want of trying and after many miscarriages. Though I have a sibling, I had to deal with the fall-out of the deaths of both my parents, as my sibling was unavailable and fairly useless, though they meant well. Your comment is so tone-deaf as to be way out of the orchestra-pit.

Oh yes and;

• make sure to apologise to her when I’m wrong and acknowledge when I’ve made a mistake
• work on having a genuinely (mostly) harmonious relationship with DH
• allow her to see us disagree and reconcile respectfully

I do think parents are a bit "dammed if they do, dammed if they don't" with some of these things.

E.g. several PPs have mentioned that they try to be punctual because of was embarrassing that their parents were so often late. But my parents were very punctual and I found it really stressful that everything was on such a rigid schedule and there was so much rushing to get everyone out the door on time. So I'm more relaxed about time keeping - we're often a little late to things because I'd rather do that than start every day with a lot of stress and frustration, trying to make sure we're bang on time for everything.

Equally PPs have mentioned lots of clubs. I only did piano and swimming as a child, and my DC have similarly sparse schedules. I had loads of time to play and read and create and explore, and I loved it. I don't want our life to be crammed full of organised fun: I want the DC to learn how to occupy themselves and create solutions to their own boredom, do lots of free risky play etc.

So maybe they'll be on MN in 20 years complaining that we're late to things and that I don't take them to clubs every evening 😅 You can't please everyone.

Talking about periods and the intricacies of the human body right from the get-go, ever since my DD could talk and understand, I've been frank and honest (in child appropriate language of course) about everything and anything. I want her to know what happens as you get older without it being this big "talk" when you hit puberty. I want it to be normal to talk about these things.

Words can affirm actions. Lots of posters are saying they were not told they were loved and as a result want to tell their children this more frequently.

My kids aren't scared of me or their dad.

Continuing to buy my children Christmas presents when they turn 18.
My mum stopped all together when we reached 18, despite us still living at home.
Not a single present.

Loving their children. And treating them fairly.

It's interesting that you say "wore clothes" @Allthebestfood. One of the things I have tried to ensure is that my children do not feel bodies are something to be ashamed of. As a child, my mother was ridiculously secretive about being naked and therefore the thought of her naked repulsed/repulses me. I don't want my dc to feel like that, so although DH always makes sure he wears pants, I don't rush to cover up if DC comes in when I'm changing, or while I'm in the bath. So what? It's just a body. Hiding it and being weird about it was... well, weird.

I think she means just saying you love a child is meaningless. Love is an action. You have to show it as well as say it.

My parents weren't your 'typical' 80s/90s parents. We took friends on holiday, my mum took my sister and our friends out every Saturday, we were never made to eat all our dinner and we weren't smacked like a lot of my friends were.

My parents were in professional jobs and they were very focused on academia which I guess for some that would be a positive thing. They weren't super strict but it was almost without question that we'd go to university. Also I was afraid to come to them if I'd gotten into trouble or when I went down a slippery slope of drink and drugs. They didn't feel approachable and would go mad when I would be caught drinking or fighting/skipping school.

It turns out I'd have ADHD so that's why I was the way I was. I've not set career world alight but after everything they went through with me they realised all they wanted for me was to be happy which I finally am now. With my kids I won't focus so much on academics if I don't feel it's their 'thing'. I also want them to be able to talk to me about anything.

My parents had a bigger house than we do and I grew up in a more affluent area so I imagine there would be things my children might prefer about my upbringing too.

How sad. You can never tell a child that you love them too much.

I never had any after school or weekend activities as a child. DD has after school clubs on 4 weekdays plus 2 at weekends.

She’s his parent, not his teacher.

completely agree; they may not say it but thet are showing it with their actions. My mother is the same, not very affectionate because of the way she was raised but she has showed me and my siblings love in so many ways and sacrifices; that is more than enough for me.

There are so many

-Apologizing when I get it wrong
-Not telling my DC how they feel or punishing them for having negative feelings. I work hard to distinguish behavior from feelings and help them find acceptable ways to respond to feelings. In particular, my DC don’t have to like all our decisions as parents and I try to let them be angry or frustrated or disappointed with a rule or decision without that being an attack on my “authority.”
-Graduated support and involvement with tasks and goings on in their lives. My parents tended to be all or nothing and if they “had” to get involved it was because I was failing - ex. their only way of getting involved in my schooling was punishing like a ton of bricks any time marks or reports weren’t perfect, then they would disappear again. Conflict with siblings had to be kept out of sight/hearing or they’d immediately jump to punishing one or both of us.
-Complimenting them, especially for acts of kindness, hard work, curiosity, bravery & the like
-Playing with them and engaging in things they enjoy. This can be things like sitting down and building blocks and playing dolls but it’s also riding bikes and playing ball, exploring the woods, racing and splashing in the pool, going to shows they like, doing kitchen experiments, goofing around with weird tik tok dances… I can’t remember my mom in particular ever playing. If I wanted time with her I had to join in things she liked or would be doing anyways. It made me feel like I was tolerated but not necessarily liked.