adult son’s age gap relationship

I was 37 when I met my new DW, who was 21 at the time. Took about 5 years to get married, but now married for 20+ years with three children. So that kind of age gap isn't necessarily a problem.

I missed what was the choice for YABU/YANBU...

There's a 13 year age gap between my sister and her DH, they met when she was 19. Apparently great for the first 20 years, disaster ever since.

I have a 14 year age gap, met at 27 and have been together 15 years. I would say I was a bit old for my years and my dp isn't really an old man and still enjoys the active life, sports and music gigs etc. I think that if your son rarely meets women he is interested in then he needs to go for it.

He is just going to have to accept there will be people who make comments and digs around their relationship.

As long as they are happy and on the same page

One of the things I really like about Gavin and Stacey is their ages are never mentioned and it doesn't matter. They're all grown ups and just happy with who they're happy with. Tell your son to just live and love and be happy.

My aughter is in her early twenties . It would keep me awake at night if she was with someone ( male or female ) in their thirties .

My partner is 20 years older than me, i was 23 when we first started dating. At first we were both very sensitive about the age gap, especially him as he worried people thought he was some awful creep. However its always felt really natural and he is not the sort of person to seek out a much younger gf. It just happened and we don't feel our age gap anymore. Been together 10 years with a 7 year old and very happy.

I understand where your son is coming from as it made me really anxious at first
I worried about people's reactions. But everyone we know has been so lovely and supportive it just isn't a big deal anymore. I hope the same can happen for your son and his gf as it seems sad to throw away a great relationship over what others think, as they are both adults at the end of the day.

To be really honest I think it’s fine for a couple of decades but when they get to 50 and 64 or 60 and 74 the gap shows more. Then again if they are happy maybe it would be a shame not to go with it. There are no rules.

Sounds good! I can’t see anything wrong with it. My only experience is my parents who are 12 years apart and have been married since the 70s. Now they are in their 70s and 80s.

I was 25 when I met dh. He is 10 years older. Generally, I have outearned him. In fact, me outearning him early on gave him the kick up the arse to improve himself - he took the a levels he dropped out of in his teens etc. We've had periods where we both earn the same, but I'm currently ahead by a long way.

I didn't realise he was 10 years older when we met. I was attracted by his looks, conversation and the chemistry. Further on, it was the way he looks after me. I bring the dynamism; he brings stability. Together 20+ years and 2dc. Numerous pets.

However.

The gap has had its problematic side as he's got older, especially his late 40s, and I'm aware that I may end up his carer; not necessarily have a fun retirement and be alone for a long time.

Not sure I'd do it again.

Its not that bad, he should not leave her if that is the only reason. I know people with the same age gap and it has never even entered my head that's it's a problem.

I'd be weary of the age gap and whilst it's great to hear of some positive stories on here, I just don't think it's the norm for it go the distance. But people obviously do and if they're happy, and want the same things within the same time frame, why not give it a go. How long have they been together?

When I was 20 I dated (a very immature) 35 year old man and now when I look back on it, we looked ridiculous together and it was a bit odd.
My SIL is 14 years younger than my brother an at the age of 31 (2 kids later) embarked on an affair with someone her own age.
I had a female friend who dated someone 10 years younger but he had such a complex about the age gap it ended up driving them apart.

It sounds as though your son has an issue it with more than anything. I suppose maybe it feels like it matters if she isn't fitting into life in terms of extended family making comments, feeling like the odd one out. Does she get along with his friends?

People will have an opinion and it will raise eyebrows. But so do loads of things

The only way you won't raise eyebrows is to not do anything of note

If they're happy and good to eachorher, what's the problem

Edited for clarity and to wish them the best x

Well, none of us can look into the future.

I'm now into a 20-year relationship with a man 22 years younger.

We even live in different countries, which suits me. I have an adult son here, living his own life in a different city.

If it works, it works.

No idea what 2025 will bring either. Enjoy wonderful people in your life.

Tomorrow it could all be over. Life is what you make it.

just to give a perspective on this as someone who could have been asked to sign a prenup. My husband owns a business which has been in the family a long time. I know there were concerns that I could be entitled to a portion of the business if we married and then divorced which certain family members weren’t impressed by. My position was always absolutely clear - I will sign one, if we agree we are never having children. However I will absolutely not bring children into a relationship where I need to prioritise being financially independent over what works best for our family in terms of working/care arrangements. MN is excellent and giving advice regarding the importance of being financially protected before having children, and to ask a woman you want to have children with to sign a prenup is just counter intuitive here IMHO. I am pleased he reacted this way.

I am 74 now - but I was raised by an aunt and uncle who had a 17 year age gap. They had been together 15 years when they took custody of me. My aunt was 39. Not a problem.

I'm unclear about the term, "Northern European" perhaps OP can clarify. Scandinavian? Baltic Countries? Poland?Belgium? Netherlands? France? Germany?

Who knows what works out though. I think OP just has to wait it out and be supportive. (To state the bleeding obvious and I am not an expert.)

My BIL is with a woman (financially independent, divorced with 2 teens when they met)
They are happy. But now she is 79, he is 62. She has major health problems. & he is healthy & realises he has become ambulance/nurse/companion.....

Nobody will think about age gaps when he is 68 and she is 54.

What a load of shit.

Misogynistic bollocks. I don't know a single man who has aged better than his female partner.

People will always have something to judge / comment on. If they are both happy he shouldn't care. I would say though an age gap can have it's downfalls. My mum was 24 when she had me with my dad who was 48. She would want to socialise with family and he was a grump who didn't want to go anywhere 🤣 my aunt is in a similar situation just now where she's younger and enjoys family company and her older husband isn't interested and is a grump. My dad also died when I was 18 which I know can happen to anyone at any time but just thought I'd mention it anyway!

There was a 20 year age gap between my parents. Although my mum was a complex character who I had problems with, I can't fault their marriage. They were very happy right up to his death at 80.

I'm not saying that I wouldn't have concerns about a 20 year age gap with my own children, but given what you say about how happy your son and his gf are, I don't see the gap as a big concern.

Is he more worried that she might leave him for someone younger at some point? I can't quite work out why he thinks it might go wrong.

I must admit, I have real concerns about age-gap relationships.

HOWEVER, two of my best friends got together when he was 25 and she was 37. Nine years later, they have two children and have just bought a house together.

If she is mature and confident and sure of what she wants (which I wasn't at 24!), then I don't think there's an issue.

Men age better than women unless either choose the alienized look and then it’s anyone’s guess at ages or species 🤣