To be absolutely fuming

I've seen this before in a group of friends. One got cancer and saw what can only be called a sick lying bastard crook. All sorts of bollocks. Another of our group was a gp...the conversation didn't go well. The sick guy was completely taken in
The only consultation was that whatever happened he was terminally ill, but the fact is he spent £1000s on nothing of any use

Speaking of finances OP... how are yours? (don't answer me out loud).

Because an abusive man is not one who is going to make sure that you and his daughter are provided for upon his death.

Life insurance? He will cash it in and spend it or smuggle it out to his brother. Savings? Spent. Joint account, emptied, then he will make it your problem while berating you about it. Pension and will - dont' make me laugh, that'll go to his nuclear family.

Protect yourself financially OP.

Sending you hugs. Cancer sucks, however you experience it.

Don't try to explain any treatements to your DCs. Don't encourage him or his DBro to explain anything - there's no point because treatments (whatever sort) change frequently no matter how quacky those treatments may be. My DH lived, and lived well, with myeloma for 7 years. As a scientist, he preferred hospital treatments.

I reached a point where I wanted to leave but didn't feel I could - who leaves a terminal spouse?

I'm glad I stayed even though I didn't always enjoy the day-to-day. This is our first Christmas without him but DDs know I was there for him to the end as he was for their births and my post-natal surgeries and would have been for me.

Trying 'quack' treatments, is just the cancer talking. (My DH went through a period of mild depression, just waiting for his cancer to worsen). Treatments change over the time. My DH took a handful of tablets 3x daily plus went through radiation, chemo, stem cell transplant (x2!), more drugs, side affects and more in hospital.

I agree with @Endofyear , Do chat with hist doctors and the cancers nurses. Our cancer nurses were brilliant and made accessing hospital treatment so much easier. Having a direct line to knowledgeable professionals who could liaise and escalate if necessary was amazing and v reassuring. Doctors are busy and switchboards are anonymous but the cancer nurses were real and made things happen.

Protect your personal money now by moving it into an account only in your name - you will need your funds when the worst comes. My DH had a booklet where he wrote an account number on every page and then put his login and password and security answers. This was immensely helpful and continues to be.

If your DH has not made a will, big boss that and bloody make it happen. Ideally, he'll leave everything to you so that you can support his DCs - that was my DH's entire will: I leave everything to TarheeBaby and she is my executrix. I had the same: DH inheiris everything and he is executor. Perhaps your DH has a pension? Check with him how he's designated that. My DH left me 80% and 10% each to our 2 DCs.

It's never financially impossible to leave. There's always a way. I left my home with just my children and the clothes on our backs.
You're not showing your children how you should care for someone. You're showing them how hard it is to leave an abusive wank-stain.

My DH was ready to throw in the towel soon after diagnosis, with just weeks to live. I asked him to have the treatment, which wouldn't cure him, just prolong his life, for the kids. There followed immunotherapy, surgery, chemotherapy and radiotherapy. It gave him another 2½ years and ultimately he was glad he did it but it was tough, for all of us.
A lot depends on the type of cancer and what stage it's at. Really, regardless of whether he deserves it, how much time, money and of yourself can you afford in this situation?

To be completely honest I don’t think you should show your children they should care for someone that clearly doesn’t care about anyone else. I get he’s scared. I had very aggressive cancer when my only child was 9 months old, I would have done (and did) anything to beat it to make sure I saw my child grow up. No, the thought of chemo isn’t nice, nor is the reality. But it’s better than the alternative. Complementary treatments, ie alongside regular treatment and keeping your oncologist informed, are fine. Alternative not so much…

Steve Jobs and Caron Keating went the natural route...look how that turned out 😞I'm so sorry. Can't stand people filling others heads with nonsense when it's something as serious as treatment 😞

Does the alternative guy's first name begin with C? If so feel free to message me.

I’m with the PPs who say to leave him to his own devices. Just remember, he is shouting you down (you can tell the DC that when he dies, so they know it’s not your fault) and you would have left him if you could. This is hard emotionally but ultimately gives you a way out

It’s ultimately his choice, OP, as painful as that is. You have said your piece, and very robustly too. It’s his choice.

He will die with only alternative treatment. But it is not and never will be your fault.

My DH had surgery them radio but was actually never well enough for chemo.
What is the prognosis with only radio?
What type of cancer is it?

Let me be blunt Op, if he'd been a good DH and Father then you would owe him a duty of care now that's he seriously ill, but he's abusive to you and he's abusing you and your DC now. A good DF would want to take any treatment offered so that he could be there for his DC as they grew up, he's not going to accept chemo and that will radically reduce his chances of surviving. I've had cancer, losing your hair is horrible, but I wanted to live, for me, and for my DP.

I agree with pp - you can’t influence his decision over his treatment plans, leave him to explain his decisions to the DC (and be there to support them as needed)

If he’s going down the alternative pathway, he is likely to end up ploughing more and more money into it.

Your priority needs to be on protecting your own welling, and the finances for you and the DC before he spends it all on magic memory water or snake oil.

sorry you are having to deal with this

Focus on protecting as much of your joint money (if you have any) as you can, to stop him spaffing it on magic beans.

If that means initiating divorce then so be it.

I'm so sorry for you and your DC. Fear of death makes people do crazy things. FiL refused chemo and later palliative care in favour of spending £60k on some sort of treatment he found online. Because the hospital was making money off NHS chemo which won't even work. His death was very hard on MiL and the cost of his "treatment " had a massive impact on her retirement.
Is there anyone he might respect you can appeal to?

So sorry OP what a nightmare for you 😔 unfortunately you can't force him to have the treatment but you can certainly keep expressing your opinion that it's the best thing to do - and that you don't want him to die. I would speak to his oncologist even if he doesn't like it - they need to know.

He may not listen and you may not be able to change his mind but you will know that you have done everything you can.

You are asking all the wrong questions here, OP. None of it has anything to do with you. He is entitled to make a decision about his treatment. You are entitled to make the same about the viability of your relationship.
You decided to stay with him which, to be blunt, is not exactly a wise decision either. Both of you are making poor choices here but it's not your job to make him change his mind. You actually do need to stop avoiding making a difficult decision yourself.

Step away.. Your mh is as valuable as his physical health. He really isn't your responsibility.. He is a cunt. So happens he is now a cunt with cancer. He won't morph into a non-cunt..
Save yourself. You owe it to yourself and your dc. What thanks will you get from helping him?

Sorry to bring this down to money, OP, but if the alternative treatment or the conventional treatment without the chemo / radiotherapy (sorry can’t see the relevant post) doesn’t work, your DH will spend more and more on the alternative treatment. Please be hard headed about preserving your family’s assets from this. It happens time and time again

How much this guy is charging? Who is this guy??

The guy seems to me to be a bit of a quack, into conspiracy theories etc. He told DH that the medical profession are only interested in money and they want people to get cancer!!

The question in answer to that is "Who is charging you for any treatment here?".

I want to help him. I couldn't live with myself if I didn't.

Why? He is abusing you and will use his cancer to abuse you all the more. You are not responsible for his decisions. He will do what he wants no matter what. If you can accept that there will be fewer opportunities for him to call you "stupid and ignorant" and all the other lovely ways he likes to abuse you.

I understand you want to protect your children but it's important to protect yourself too, so you will be stronger for them when they need you. Learn the art of grey rock, it will help you stay a step away from your abuser and give him little ammunition to use against you. His abuse negates any care he may have once been deserving of.

I'm sorry you're going through this

Ummm, sorry to be blunt, but - given abusive nature - wouldn't it be for the emotional and financial best (for you and the kids) if he Darwin awarded himself out of existence, with no stain on your character?

I set him do his stupid ill-informed thing, and roll on the inheritance personally.

It’s his body and his choice. You have to take a step back and allow him to do what he wants.

I’m currently going through chemo. It’s not as bad as I thought but not a total party either. It does give me a much better chance of the cancer not coming back and is absolutely worth it for the hope of seeing my kids grow up further. Every treatment I focus on my dh, kids and friends as I want to be here with them, not regretting I didn’t have the treatment that science, not woo, has proven saves lives.

He is an idiot (you know that). Has his oncologist been through the PREDICT stats with him? This will break down the benefits of each part of the treatments.

Have a look at Liz O’Riordan on insta. She is a cancer specialist and is living with cancer herself. She gives these other avenues pretty short shrift when they are touted as an alternative to chemo.