To be absolutely fuming

He explains to the kids what treatment he is going to have and the treatment he is not going to have and why.

Not your job to do that. He's an adult and so are your kids.

It's terrible that anyone gets cancer but people do and they are free to accept whatever level of treatment they want to.

The way insee it, he has every right to make this (very very) stupid choice. All you can do is say your piece and leave it alone.

I'd suggest you plaster on some faux naivety and tell him you don't agree but perhaps that's because you don't understand as well as him so he is best placed to explain his treatment to the kids. Keep yourself well out of nit and redirect to their dad.

@Benny22

What stage, grade and type of cancer makes a lot of difference to outcome and the choices you make.

It's difficult to comment without this information.

Obviously he shouldn't be abusing you.

A good starting point would be to get yourself a job and start earning money independently of his business. You need to be financially independent of him. Even working 30 hours a week part time will get you far more than £1000/month.

Has his business been making your national insurance contributions? You can log into the government account and check:
https://www.gov.uk/check-national-insurance-record

Having a huge mortgage doesn't mean you have life insurance. Most mortgage companies are happy as long as the house has sufficient equity e.g. if you can't pay the mortgage, it can be sold and the mortgage paid off.

You need to find out these things.

Regarding the treatment, by the sounds of it, it's utterly pointless trying to discuss it. You have to let him do what he thinks is best. Sounds like he is easily swayed by his brother who doesn't sound the brightest spark!?

This is tough for you and for the children, but it is DH's body and he needs to make his own choices about it.
I hope the therapy helps.

There's no case of being in league with pharmaceutical companies in the uk, that's the US. Ridiculous of his brother

Stop typing threads about it and start moving on.
Lifes to short for drama.

That's good @Benny22 . The more you can do to nurture yourself the more you can support your children and be slightly distanced from your husband and his behaviour. It's not easy

Im the one getting all of his anger

Abusers will use anything to justify their abuse. The fact that he is keeping his anger for you shows that he can choose when and on whom to use it.

I agree with the PP who suggested speaking to Women's Aid, just for a bit of support. They won't pressure you to leave or do anything you're not ready/don't want to but they understand what you're going through and that can be such a relief in itself.

As somebody who has cancer I think you are being unfair. I quite I understand why you feel the way you do, but when it comes down to it it is his body and his choice. Chemotherapy is horrible and I understand why he may not want to have it.

All the other things are different and should be considered separately. He is spending money on alternative treatment - is that his money or joint money? Can you afford it? Even if you don't believe in it, maybe he does and really believes that it will give him a chance to beat his cancer.
Then you say he doesn't believe he even has cancer - this is denial and is not uncommon.

You were considering splitting up anyway - your children are adult now, if he wasn't the person you wanted to live with before, having cancer isn't going to change that.

You are perfectly entitled to be angry about his choices. You are not entitled to make his choices for him.

Worth finding out the benefit of chemo in his case. Both DH and I have had cancer twice. Neither of us was offered chemo, because the risk of harm was greater than the benefit.

My friend’s relative was persuaded to try an alternative clinic by someone she met online . They went to a clinic in a remote area in South America . The relative died in a very poor local hospital .When she was close to death my friend and another relative flew out and there wasn’t even a chair in the room for them to sit on . They had to help with the relative’s care. When she died they were initially quoted a ridiculous amount of money to repatriate her body though they did eventually get her home. I do understand why someone with cancer would be desperate enough to try anything but there are some cowboys out there.

I don’t have any advice for this because you don’t want to leave him, but could you contact Women’s Aid? Just to talk it through?

That's a pretty evil way of thinking It isn't that simple is it? Her kids are going to lose their father

You can’t affect his thinking, but you can tell your children that you would have preferred him to take all the treatments being offered under best practice guidelines; that there are some holistic treatments which can help, but ‘alternative’ and ‘natural’ treatments don’t fall into this bracket. And if necessary- That you want to stay and help him, but he is making it very difficult for you to do so.

Good luck. I’m sorry for this to be happening to you and your kids.

Kindly, the kids are adults, so explaining to them shouldn't be that difficult.
As for your husband's treatment and (continuous) behaviour, well, treatment choice is up to him, building your new life for yourself (or not) is up to you.
Good luck.

I think your reasons for staying are poor OP.

He's abusive, uncaring, selfish and yet you think "you need to show your children how to care for someone". No. They already know how you should care for somebody (you) and how you shouldn't (him).

Nevertheless I'm sorry to hear of his diagnosis.

But I agree with others. You need to actively protect your financial future. Do not let him spend all your money on quackery and leave your and your children with nothing. You have to be hard headed. You must.