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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is this just rude or do I need to suck it up?

36 replies

sellotapestucktomyarse · 27/12/2024 16:30

NC as this is quite outing. Big birthday coming up and I have decided to book a break away for a few days with my DH. I’m not a party kind of person but thought a lovely break away, just the two of us over my birthday and then celebrate by going for a meal with my DD (19), siblings and DP’s when we get back. This was also the only break myself and DH will get alone in this next year as we have other holidays / breaks booked but with above family. DP have today ‘surprised me’ and told me that they have booked to come along on break away over my birthday. This was the only break myself and my DH were getting alone and I’m so upset that they have booked without even speaking to us about this. My DH has said we will still have a great time as we are really close with my DP’s but I just think it’s rude to just announce you’re crashing someone’s holiday. My DP have form for doing things on impulse including booking other breaks for us all to go on, but without speaking to us, firstly to check we want to do it and secondly to see of leave can be taken. I have asked them before not to do it as we both work FT and it means taking leave when we don’t necessarily want to and having to change other plans. I know I sound ungrateful and I need to just suck it up now and go with it, but AIBU to think this is just rude?

OP posts:
Original poster
sellotapestucktomyarse · 27/12/2024 16:52

Terrribletwos · 27/12/2024 16:45

Yes, it's rude to not have consulted you first, absolutely you're not being unreasonable!

Is this your husband's doing as he seems to like all family get togethers?

No my DH wasn’t aware of it. We were both stunned when they told us. My DH is very easy going and just goes with whatever is planned but he definitely wasn’t aware of this. My error in telling the details of where we were going

OP posts:
Original poster
sellotapestucktomyarse · 27/12/2024 16:52

No my DH wasn’t aware of it. We were both stunned when they told us. My DH is very easy going and just goes with whatever is planned but he definitely wasn’t aware of this. My error in telling the details of where we were going

OP posts:
Original poster
sellotapestucktomyarse · 27/12/2024 16:49

Unfortunately it will cost to change it (and will cost my DP’s too if they cancel). Same hotel, different rooms. DH has said we will continue to do what we want to do and if they want to join is then that’s fine but we will be sticking to what we had planned. My DP’s are in their 70’s and not of the greatest of health so spending time with them is really important and special BUT on this occasion I am really upset. Special birthday, time alone with my DH and a much needed break away.

OP posts:
Terrribletwos · 27/12/2024 16:45

Yes, it's rude to not have consulted you first, absolutely you're not being unreasonable!

Is this your husband's doing as he seems to like all family get togethers?

ShrugGood · 27/12/2024 16:43

Do not suck this up. As they have form for this, change your holiday if you can. If you can't then tell them you are going away with your husband and will have no time for anyone else. You didn't invite them and it is bloody rude to crash someone else's holiday. It is really messed up to think it is okay.

ThinWomansBrain · 27/12/2024 16:41

I'd go with the move your holiday location and not mention it option.

tell them afterwards that you changed your plans because you wanted a romantic break away together - just in case they're really really dim and didn't get the message.

BleachedJumper · 27/12/2024 16:39

I don’t think you actually do need to suck it up.

Where are you going? Is there any way you can change your plans?

Unless it’s a very remote, stand alone stay in one spot all weekend break, I’d just say ‘ah that’s nice for you, maybe we can go for a lunch/dinner on the last day’ and just do what you planned. When they go ‘oh no, we’re lodging up with you all weekend!’ Just laugh at them and say I don’t think so, we’re planning to be gazing into each others eyes and shagging like rabbits all night!’

Katy232425 · 27/12/2024 16:37

It’s very rude and I don’t think you do need to suck it up or be grateful. I’d tell them straight that this was a romantic break for the two of you and you weren’t looking to have your parents come along. They’re already included in your birthday meal and other holidays. Or if move my trip to another time or place. If you can’t move your trip elsewhere and they still insisted on coming then, assuming they’re in the same hotel as you, I’d treat them like any other hotel guest and just say hi if you pass them in the lift. If they try and do things with you reply “Sorry, we have plans as a couple”, “sorry, DH and I are having a romantic meal for two”, “sorry, we’re off out, hope you have a nice afternoon whatever you decide to do” etc etc.

And then I wouldn’t be telling them about my plans in advance again!

NigelHarmansNewWife · 27/12/2024 16:35

First post nails it

WorldKeepsSpinningRound · 27/12/2024 16:34

Given that you have specifically asked them not to do this and they have I would not be happy.

Book elsewhere. Don’t tell them. When they realise be all spontaneous and say you suddenly decided to change your plans.

They will no doubt be hurt but perhaps it will make them realise the error of their ways!

HagTime · 27/12/2024 16:33

Yes it's very rude of them.

Tell them to cancel it, or you'll cancel yours and go elsewhere.

If they have form for this stop telling them about your plans.