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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is this just rude or do I need to suck it up?

36 replies

sellotapestucktomyarse · 27/12/2024 16:30

NC as this is quite outing. Big birthday coming up and I have decided to book a break away for a few days with my DH. I’m not a party kind of person but thought a lovely break away, just the two of us over my birthday and then celebrate by going for a meal with my DD (19), siblings and DP’s when we get back. This was also the only break myself and DH will get alone in this next year as we have other holidays / breaks booked but with above family. DP have today ‘surprised me’ and told me that they have booked to come along on break away over my birthday. This was the only break myself and my DH were getting alone and I’m so upset that they have booked without even speaking to us about this. My DH has said we will still have a great time as we are really close with my DP’s but I just think it’s rude to just announce you’re crashing someone’s holiday. My DP have form for doing things on impulse including booking other breaks for us all to go on, but without speaking to us, firstly to check we want to do it and secondly to see of leave can be taken. I have asked them before not to do it as we both work FT and it means taking leave when we don’t necessarily want to and having to change other plans. I know I sound ungrateful and I need to just suck it up now and go with it, but AIBU to think this is just rude?

OP posts:
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ShelfyElfy · 28/12/2024 20:13

I hope they are understanding when you speak to them @sellotapestucktomyarse. You absolutely deserve this holiday on your own. Even though it'd going to cost them some money - that's not your fault, and maybe it might make them think twice next time 🤞🏻 let us know how it goes? X

Original poster
sellotapestucktomyarse · 28/12/2024 09:50

Thanks for your responses. I spoke to my DH last night and he said he couldn’t believe they had done it. He was as shocked as me. We’re really close to my parents and have a great time when we go away with them. My DF has form for getting an idea into his head and running with it without thinking that we work and can’t take time off at the drop of a hat (they’re both retired). I also need to tell them that we have booked in advance because they look after our animals for us. (Yep that wasn’t thought about either!) They’re extremely generous people and are in the winter of their lives which makes it harder on us because due to ill health on them both we want to do as much with them as we can BUT it doesn’t give them the right to just tag along without asking! They’ve paid for the holiday in full (although can get a good amount back) and paid for their travel insurance which has cost a fortune because of health issues. This isn’t refundable. I’m going to speak to them today and ask them to move the holiday to one we can all go on together but this one is for myself and my DH.

OP posts:
HoppityBun · 27/12/2024 19:04

MsNeis · 27/12/2024 17:36

HagTime nails it.

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Unfortunately not, because the OP has already explained that it will cost to change it.

Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 27/12/2024 18:52

Tell your parents you hope they won't get bored on your romantic holiday with your husband because you and he plan to be having a LOT of sex. That's why you booked the time away as a couple.

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 27/12/2024 18:48

I'd ring the hotel and explain. Maybe you'll get someone sympathetic

Sossijiz · 27/12/2024 18:24

Very rude to assume without any discussion that they will be welcome on what was planned as a romantic trip for a couple. Do they have no self-awareness?

dunroamingfornow · 27/12/2024 17:56

Beware the sunk cost fallacy.
How much will it cost to change the hotel versus how much you do you need the break without your parents ?

arcticpandas · 27/12/2024 17:50

Tell them this was supposed to be a romantic break for you, like you needed to work on your sex life. I think DF can understand why him being around might spoil things..

CandyLeBonBon · 27/12/2024 17:43

Completely out of order! Ffs I'd be pissed off too but my dm would pull something like this too. You have my sympathy op

SunshineAndFizz · 27/12/2024 17:42

I'd be annoyed too. Do you feel like you could talk to them about it and ask them to cancel?

MagpiePi · 27/12/2024 17:42

I agree that you need to tell them to cancel or change your booking.

But, more generally, why do you change plans and take annual leave to go on trips that they have booked at other times? Can’t you tell them no?

IDontLoveTheWayYouLie · 27/12/2024 17:36

Don't tell them anything like that again.

I would also change the place just to prove a point, even if it cost more.

MsNeis · 27/12/2024 17:36

HagTime · 27/12/2024 16:33

Yes it's very rude of them.

Tell them to cancel it, or you'll cancel yours and go elsewhere.

If they have form for this stop telling them about your plans.

HagTime nails it.

LookItsMeAgain · 27/12/2024 17:34

HagTime · 27/12/2024 16:33

Yes it's very rude of them.

Tell them to cancel it, or you'll cancel yours and go elsewhere.

If they have form for this stop telling them about your plans.

100% this.

If you have booked to stay in a hotel and it happens to be one of a chain, could you see if your booking could be adjusted so that you stay in a sister hotel of the one that you were originally planning on staying in?
Then you could play it that you thought it was X hotel but it's actually Y hotel (but only do that at the very last minute when the DP's can't change their booking).

Oh, and stop sharing so much information that allows them to do this in the first place.

FrenchandSaunders · 27/12/2024 17:34

You need to tell them OP. I’d be fuming as it will be a totally different sort of holiday.

Ella31 · 27/12/2024 17:33

Terrribletwos · 27/12/2024 17:07

So, I guess your husband is going to tell them that it doesn't work for you both?

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It's the op's parents.

CandyCane457 · 27/12/2024 17:30

How rude of them- especially when you’ve explicitly told them before not to do this, and now they do it as a “surprise”?! Surely they know this would annoy you after you telling them before?

Id go back to them with something like “mum, dad, I know you thought it was a nice surprise to join our holiday but I’ve been thinking about it, and do you remember a few months back when I told you not to do this? So it’s just made me wonder why you did? This is the only holiday my husband and I are getting together next year and is quite like to keep it that way. Are your tickets refundable, so you’ve not wasted your money?”

ThriveIn2025 · 27/12/2024 17:20

ZaraSkyTraveler · 27/12/2024 17:08

I can’t understand your frustration, especially as they have form for this and you’ve told them before.

however, your mum was part of this special day 50 years ago (or 40 or whatever it is), So I kind of feel sorry for her…

Bonkers. She’s just going to end up alienating her daughter.

ThriveIn2025 · 27/12/2024 17:19

Sounds awful. It will completely change the break because you’ll constantly be considering them and their requirements. Can you ask them to cancel? I know you said they will loose money but that’s their fault and you said you’ve told them before not to do stuff like this.

WigglyVonWaggly · 27/12/2024 17:18

No, I wouldn’t accept this. You’ve asked them not to do it and they’ve done it again. You are entitled to spend private time alone away with your husband without your parents tagging along uninvited.

2chocolateoranges · 27/12/2024 17:14

I’d be livid!

holidays are special for us either as a family or as a couple, I’d hate to share them with extended family.

id ask them to cancel as this is a special holiday planned for just you and dh.

ZaraSkyTraveler · 27/12/2024 17:08

I can’t understand your frustration, especially as they have form for this and you’ve told them before.

however, your mum was part of this special day 50 years ago (or 40 or whatever it is), So I kind of feel sorry for her…

Terrribletwos · 27/12/2024 17:07

sellotapestucktomyarse · 27/12/2024 16:52

No my DH wasn’t aware of it. We were both stunned when they told us. My DH is very easy going and just goes with whatever is planned but he definitely wasn’t aware of this. My error in telling the details of where we were going

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So, I guess your husband is going to tell them that it doesn't work for you both?

Weyohweyoh · 27/12/2024 17:06

I’d tell them they need to cancel. This is a break just for the two of you and they were not invited. Don’t be diplomatic, make it very clear they are not welcome and should have asked before they booked anything. Gatecrashing is not acceptable behaviour.

SoMauveMonty · 27/12/2024 17:05

That's really bloody rude of them. You're an adult in your own right, not an extension of them, and should be allowed time away on your own with your DH.
Tell them bluntly - if you'd wanted them or anyone else along on the holiday, you'd have invited them.
I appreciate it'll cost you to change your booking but if you can stretch to it, do - and don't tell them where or when you're going instead!