To leave over sausage in bread…

Thats a point. What did the kids eat?

His statement was horrible but in any case he also had to feed your DCs on Christmas Day, didn’t he? It’s so easy to buy Christmas food that just needs to be bunged in the oven and so bad that he didn’t manage it.

Well if he's not going to bother when it's just you then he doesn't value you.

TBH I think he's deliberately being a shit so you will leave him. That way it was your decision and it means he's not a shit to leave his critically ill child and disabled/ill wife. Even though he is being a shit because he wants to leave.

There must be a name for what men do when they behave so badly they force other people to make the decision for them.

Make a plan, consult a lawyer, get your ducks in a row. In the meantime, be sweetness and light to him. Nothing's a bother, everything is fine, you love him very much etc. It doesn't matter how awful he is, you are always lovely. Firstly this will drive him mad and you want him to be feeling crap. Secondly he will probably go bigger on being a shit. This will be more evidence for the divorce. Thirdly when you kick him out he will be very surprised and you will have all the control.

How awful OP, I am so sorry you are in this position. Leave him now whilst the children are young and will adjust and adapt to a new family life.

His explanation was that’s for everyone else but he wasn’t going to bother if it was just me.

Whatever you choose to do with this 'marriage', hold on to this. He doesn't care about you, so until you leave, make sure you find ways to care for yourself whilst disengaging from him.

That response tells you everything you need to know, doesn’t it?

"If it was just me"

Such a complete lack of respect, care and love for you. Truly awful. I'd be OUT.

In a word, 'Yes'.

He sounds an utter waste of space.

I'm sorry about your disability and your child.

You deserve so much more as do your children.

It's a slightly fancier roast dinner. One cooked by a million people every weekend.

Tree, decorations, gifts takes thought and a lot more time.

I have become disabled over the last few years. My body was wrecked with pregnancy and then Covid finished it off. I barely go out and I’m usually in bed because I’m in too much pain the rest of the time. My dh works full time and then comes home to clean the house and do dinner.

He wasn’t feeling great on Christmas Day but he still cooked a full Christmas dinner for me and the kids to enjoy even if he didn’t. That’s love

That's awful. It shows his lack of love and care for you OP.

he didn’t bother for you, but he didn’t bother for himself either
that sounds like someone who has become. Totally overwhelmed and probably depressed

the devision of labour seems somewhat unfair.
whilst I recognise your ill health, all your tasks were ones that could be done a month in advance, and largely online, where as sourcing groceries, getting them in fridge, then prepping dishes and cooking everything is a lot more work.

did you not check in with him about how he was getting on with it all?

There you go. He’s proven that he doesn’t care. All you’re worth is sausages in stale bread

Leave him

OP, our Christmas is my husband, my six year old and me, we have the full works, it is OUR Christmas, the most important there is. No guest is more important than the inhabitants of this house. He has checked out, sorry. I really feel for you, that is so unfair.

Oh wow. The final words say it all. I could cry at that, so heartless.
Please find all the external help you can to support your child’s and your health needs. Make sure you claim everything you’re entitled to.
And tell him he either pulls his weight big time or fucks off.

Yes, he was responsible. I’d still notice the absence of a turkey!

This is sad but I wouldn’t have left it on Christmas Eve knowing there was no food in.

He's cruel, as a PP said.

Not only did he deliberately let you eat shitty food, he made sure he rubbed it in by asking whether you enjoyed it. Thats cruel. You don't deserve to be treated like that love. Arseholery is one thing - cruelty is something else.

Do how much work is your illness on your other half?
I say this because at points in my husbands illness I didn't have the energy or willing to do something like a Christmas dinner (or dinner at all sometimes). Working full time, caring for both you and your children he may be depressed, struggling with doing it all or just be burnt out.
I say this having watched hubby nearly die and go through 18months of rehab, and still 5/6 years later I work full time, take care of the house, sort birthdays and Christmas and do most of the cleaning and washing. Some weeks I am exhausted and want to run away
So I say this do you think there is depression/anxiety or burnout at play or is something else going on
And sometimes I would love it if he did the shopping/cooking but that's my domain (with most other things too)....

That's one possibility. But another is that the strain of coping with the situation means that OP didn't have the time to register the problem.

One of our DC had a big health problem around 16yo ("something in the brain but we're not sure what", the doctors said), and we both stopped functioning normally for a while. Making silly mistakes in household routines was part of that.

If DH has not always been like this, and is mostly just expressing his befrazzlement in a different way to OP, then counselling might help. His comment that "he “knows” the problem will be him" suggests that he might be pleasantly surprised to discover that couples counselling is not like a lawsuit.

You deserve more than his callow disregard

Oh OP you deserve so much more.
He's told you who he is and where his priorities lie and it isn’t you.
I can’t get my head around someone who would do that to his wife.
Three sausages and stale bread is a joke of a meal.
Truly you deserve more.

He sounds like he wants to make life horrid enough for you to leave, so he can't look like the bad guy that's upped and left a poorly wife and children (which is what I think he wants to do). Behaviour that callous isn't accidental or without agenda.

Apologies - realised others mentioned the missing food.

He knew what he was doing with the stale sandwich - very mean of him and agree he was punishing you.

That is a disgusting remark! I'm fuming for you 🤬.
I could not stay after this. Sorry OP.