Pregnant after two months - keep it?

OP to be blunt I think you have been very naive.

But now is the time to wise up. On this set of facts, if I were you I would keep the baby and ditch the man.

Don’t go into this thinking you will have both; equally if you sacrifice the baby for the man you are absolutely right that the most likely outcome is you end up with neither.

Think it all through in terms of how you will manage on your own, and / or with ties to a man you don’t fully know/ can’t fully trust, and go from there. If you still want the baby, keep it.

I'm going to go against the grain and say I wouldn't keep it. You'll likely end up as a single mum and having been a single mum from day 1 myself, it's so so hard, I feel like having a breakdown most days as my toddler is very high energy shall we say. I love my child so so much but knowing what I know now, I don't know if I'd do it single. This is just me though, you need to make your own mind up. Good luck with whatever you decide.

I think you would regret choosing this man over a baby.

Theres a lot of red flags here and potential love bombing, ‘I haven’t had a connection like this ever’ is textbook. Be careful OP.

I mean this kindly but how can the timing be wrong if you're 36??! Congrats!!

You don’t know that he isn’t married. You only have his word for it.

Definitely don’t terminate a child you have wanted enough to do it alone. Don’t marry him yet, don’t put him on child's birth certificate save like crazy and book a nursery place at a nice nursery as the waiting lists can be crazy. Baby to be born in Britain don’t go abroad at the moment. You may like partner but you can’t know him truly yet! Be up front you would like to continue with relationship it’s on him. Look into custody rights from the county he is from and personally would be uncomfortable with him taking child home alone depending on what country he’s from so research this properly. And hope he’s going to want to be involved but the fact he’s left another child and gone abroad may even mean he’s married or in a relationship at home. Good luck!

His DS's mum was a casual thing and that pregnancy wasn't planned either

Sorry to be cynical OP but why do you think that your identical situation is different?

Have the baby by all means but you probably need to give your head a wobble about this man's longer-term intentions towards you. You barely know him.

Well he's on a student visa, so perhaps he'll keep that lovely connection until he secures a permanent visa...

Did you both have STI checks before having unprotected sex? If not, have one IMMEDIATELY.

You are 36 and all you have ever wanted is to be a Mum.

Congratulations !

You will manage and you will be fine.

You've not given any reason to abort other than his worries. You say in your heart you want to keep it. So keep it.
But be prepared to do it alone. Family and friends will promise to help but in my experience, even they aren't reliable. I was with my sons father for 14 years when he was born. Still left holding the baby. I wouldn't change a thing now but 3am with a screaming newborn is a very lonely place to be. Equally 3pm with the baby guzzling his milk, heart lifting.
Gather a support network now, join a nct group in your area, arrange someone to stay with you the first couple of days after birth and I wish you the best of luck and a healthy pregnancy.

Or this man knows he can basically fuck off home and there’s nothing the op can do about it.

Keep your baby!
Sadly, I expect the relationship is doomed either way. There is no scenario where you terminate the pregnancy and the relationship survives, it will just be too loaded.

I hope you can enjoy the positive that the relationship has brought you and enjoy your l9ng awaited baby.

Probably easier for OP to relocate to Nigeria?

This man was obviously happy to have another baby, if he wasn't he'd have used condoms.

If you're happy to be a lone parent go for it. Even so it's a risk - you barely know this bloke and you (may) be committing to being tied to him for the next 19 years. That could be great but it could also be worse than having him ride off into the sunset.

Agree.

He wants something from you and it isn’t a marriage and babies. I can’t believe you didn’t make him use a condom. Especially when he’s from a country with such high rates of HIV. I wouldn’t keep the baby and I wouldn’t date a man who could make a new life for himself thousands of miles away from his young son.

We have spoken about babies and marriage already, but he wanted to start a career here first which is understandable.

You’ve known this man 2 months.
You don’t even know each other.

Why would you even want to be with a man who has a 5yo child in a completely different country who he’s essentially abandoned?

What’s worse is that you’re hoping he stays in this country and therefore barely sees his own child.

You are coming across as very naive here.

You are a shag whilst he’s studying in this country.

After he finishes, he’ll either go back there and be with his child and family or bring them over here.

Just be honest with yourself, you wanted a baby to the point you were prepared to go alone- this was purposeful on your part wasn't it, so why would you even consider not having this baby? You evidently really want one and have previously before even meeting this man weighed up the possibility of being a single parent.

As long as you feel you would manage as a single parent should things go south your fine. I feel very different now to what I did about my bf 2 months in and we are the same age. No way would I want his baby. I have 2 anyways age 15 and 10. But as long as you could manage emotionally that's fine keep your baby and enjoy. X

I was going to ask if you definitely know he's NOT married already. @BettyOops89 I work with a lot of Nigerians and the majority seem to marry young. Although most of them have also brought their families with them or aim to.

He has a child in Nigeria already.
Possibly still married to his wife.

Tracking cycles is generally a terrible method of avoiding pregnancy, so if he was happy to go along with this "method of contraception" and not use a condom then he shouldn't be surprised you ended up pregnant.

You clearly wanted a baby, you were effectively not using contraception, so there's not a lot to get your head round other than the father's reaction was a little disappointing given he also opted for no protection.

There is no cliff edge. Fertility at 35 vs 40 shows a minimal difference.