Pregnant after two months - keep it?

Nobody can tell you what to do OP, but whatever you decide I wish you well.

For me it’s a bit of a red flag that you feel such a connection so soon. It suggests that he might just be telling you what you want to hear.
I second the previous poster who said he’s probably married.
Regardless of the above I think you should have this baby. It will be loved and well cared for and you may not have another chance.

I would keep the baby but would plan to raise it alone.

I would also think very carefully about whether to involve this man at all. You barely know him, he doesn't have rights to live here and he comes with baggage. It's probably all sorts of unethical and dishonest but I'd consider telling him I'd had a termination or a miscarriage.

You have been exceptionally silly having unprotected sex with a near stranger.

I couldn't have much respect for a man willing to live in another continent to his young child and isn't someone I could love or trust.

Keep it
Even people who think they are in stable relationships end up in divorce and single parents . Nothing is promised. Who knows what the future holds
Enjoy this blessing, it will be ok

I think this is your risk here.

There are a few outcomes:

• You keep the baby and it breaks you up
• You keep the baby and you stay together
• You don't keep the baby and you break up for other reasons
• You don't keep the baby and you stay together but never have a baby
• You don't keep the baby and you stay together and have baby in future

In all honesty, the last option is probably the least likely of them all given your age and his visa status. If you were likely to stay together forever, then keeping this baby probably wouldn't change that.

And I presume your best case scenario is to keep the baby and stay together. You'll be ruling that out entirely if you don't keep the baby.

So you need to ask yourself, would you be happier if you broke up but had the baby, or broke up and you had neither him nor the baby?

And I think you know the answer already.

Speaking bluntly, if you really want to be a mother and were prepared to do it alone anyway then given your age I would continue with the pregnancy. BUT I wpuld be giving baby my surname and keeping dad off the birth certificate for reasons already given by pp.

You have to accept if you keep the baby you are 100% doing it alone. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that but you need to go into it with this understanding that from the get-go.

Also I am trying hard not to judge but I’m pretty taken aback that you could be so casual
about contraception so early in a relationship. Condoms are a perfectly legitimate option if you don’t want to be on hormonal birth control. I’m surprised neither of you took it seriously that pregnancy was a highly likely outcome to using no contraception beyond tracking.

Odds are the relationship won't last anyway, most don't and you have the issue of cultural differences and him not having a network over here (presumably) which would make it even more likely to fail. So I'd forget about that, if it works out great, but don't base the decision on it. You could be throwing away your only chance to have a baby for a relationship that ends anyway.

You didn't exactly handle contraception sensibly so this can't be a huge shock, but you've got time to consider your options. In your shoes I'd have the baby but plan to be doing it on my own. Of course it's true that you could have children later, I had none at 35 and then had three by the time I was 49, but this pregnancy exists now so you need to decide based on that.

If you want the baby keep it
However
I agree with your partner it’s very early days in your relationship and if he hasn’t already declared he wanted a child with you and a long term relationship then maybe he doesn’t.

As you were thinking about having a child on your own anyway then for you there’s no difference, except your partner might move on.

At 36 I would keep it. If I was 26 I would abort.

I'd keep it , there's no such thing as good timing if he doesn't want to be involved you would be better finding out now and having lower expectations of him . I'm also pro choice .

Yeah, it doesn't work like that. Men and women who don't want children can, and frequently do, practice unsafe sex.

Some of the most long term and stable relationships don't work after a baby. Marriage doesn't equal stability.

Hard for anyone else to help you on this. Two months doesn't sound like it's going to work somehow. Seems quite likely you'll be a single mum. If that's fine by you then yes, keep the baby.

This..100%. You will make it work.

Dude needs to start wearing condoms.

I think it's a bit naive to rely on tracking your cycles with someone you only know for 2 months. Unless you were okay with getting "accidentally" pregnant.

If he is a student and might not even stay in the country, I would plan to be a single parent. Since he is from non Schengen country, I don't think you'll be able to get a child's maintenance from him, so make sure your finances are all set.

I would bear in mind that 8 weeks into a relationship, you know very little about this man. And you're thinking of tying yourself to him for the rest of your life by having a child.

Please get an STI check immediately. If you are going to be a single mother, you need to become a LOT more responsible than you have been: I'd be judging an 18 year old who has been having unprotected sex with someone they've known a few weeks; a 36 year old has NO excuse.

I wouldn’t have a baby in a casual relationship. I think a baby deserves both parents to really want them. Obviously some relationships break down and that’s different but to have a baby in such a short lived fling would be a big no from me. You’re also putting obstacles in the way to meet a man who you will want to grow old with and who will want to grow old with you. You’re 36 , baby at 37. If you only want a baby and not a loving long term relationship then crack on. It’s going to be more difficult to find love with another man’s baby in tow.

How would you feel if you miscarried today? Sad or relieved? That thought might help you decide what to do.

If you do keep the baby, as someone else said, don’t put him on the birth certificate. If you split up he may want to take your child back to Nigeria, which could cause all sorts of worry for you.

Gently - this supposed connection after 2 months CANNOT be relied upon

Have the baby, solo.....the relationship is unlikely to last with or without baby especially as your 'connection' has form already

I think you should continue with the pregnancy. You should also give the baby your surname, not his.

This is good advice. If you decide to keep the baby, he can always be added at a later date.

As for whether I would keep the baby in your shoes. Yes, I would. This is what you’ve wanted for a long time. I imagine if you abort when it sounds as if you want the baby, the relationship will be over. So I wouldn’t abort to save the relationship. He will either come around or mot.

So… he didn’t learn the first time about not using contraception? Yikes.

I would be very careful OP as realistically you don’t know, and have no way of knowing, that what he’s told you is remotely true. There’s a lot of discourse on the culture of Nigerian men and what it’s like to date them. It might be worth doing some active research, paying close attention to the wise words of Nigerian sisters.

I accept you’ve fallen hard in a matter of minutes but he will continue to travel back to his DC and ex to spend lengths of time there without you.