Pregnant after two months - keep it?

And the 5 year old back in his home country.

If I was you I’d keep the baby. You mention you might regret it breaking your relationship up but don’t you think you may end up very resentful if you decide not to continue the pregnancy and you don’t get another chance later down the line? That may well be a relationship ender too. Imagine if you realise in another 2 months that you’re incompatible, how would you feel then?

I AM pro choice but having been through a termination I can tell you that if having a baby is something you have longed for like you state, then it won’t be easy for you so I would really, really consider what you want before making a decision.

Being a single parent is hard - really hard. I’m sure if you do keep the baby and end up going it alone you WILL have days where you think what have I done and how am I going to keep doing this but those days are far outweighed by the wonderful ones, the lovely ones and the just ok ones! You were considering doing it alone anyway so I’m sure it’s something you’ve already contemplated. I would prefer to know who the dad was personally so I think it’s a win win situation for you. You keep baby and you end up staying together - great, you keep baby and you don’t - well it’s a shame but you have your much wanted baby and the relationship obviously wasn’t meant to be anyway.

My opinion is that no man could ever mean more to me than my child, and if by having her it meant losing him then so be it - even if he was the kindest, richest man in the world who happened to look like like Brad Pitt in fight club - there is no comparison to the love I have for my child. BUT I’m coming at this from an angle where I already know my child, they’re not still at the foetus stage so I’m in no way trying to make you feel bad if not continuing is what you decide. I wouldn’t put him on the birth certificate though. Good luck with whatever path you choose x

She's behaving like a love struck 16 year old. OP and this almost stranger have both behaved very irresponsibly. However I agree with you I wouldn't keep it for the reasons you give.

The baby was to all intents and purposes "planned" by OP. So far as by him? I don't know- is impregnating a naive UK citizen and perhaps marrying her still a ticket to remain in the UK?

FFS.

I bloody give up.

keep and be a great mum to you’re baby x

Someone whose visa is running out in the New Year has you head over heels for them and pregnant after 2 months. If you can’t see that for what it is then no one here will get through to you.

Love, said kindly, your head is all over the place.

I think you ned to be very honest with yourself and maybe start to accept that this baby was 'planned' in so much as you weren't doing anything to stop it happening.

This man has form. He's not coming over as safe bet in any shape or form.
Is he so silly that he was prepared to risk you becoming pregnant when he doesn't have a job and can't even support you or your child?

He already has a child in another country. Whether he will even be able to stay in the UK long term is another matter.

If you go ahead, how will this affect your work?
Will your baby be looked after by family or at a nursery?
Will you be okay with an absent father and your child asking about their father further down the line?

I also think you need to ask yourself why you find such a man so attractive, when his life choices point to being irresponsible.

You don't know him! Two months is nothing.

As lots of people have said, the first step is for you to be tested for STIs.

As long as you are ok with being a single mum then keep the baby.
Assume you will get nothing from this man and anything you do get will be a bonus.
Either way your relationship is probably over, either you terminate and resent him or you don't and he resents you.
If you were thinking of concieving alone anyway at least hes saved you that hassle

No, not necessarily.

Recent posters need to read 'All'.

This is the 2nd child he's 'created' by not using birth control.

Keeping the baby - it’s your choice. It’s your body.
his visa situation is tricky. It’s not that easy to switch to a normal visa.
i married my husband because he needed a visa. Life has not been easy.

100% keep your baby.
Be absolutely prepared you will need to go it alone though

All babies are a blessing. Congratulations.

So he already has a 5 year old through a 'fling' and now he has another baby on the way.

He's a star, isn't he?

What kind of man would have sex with a woman 'tracking her cycles' and not use a condom?

Only an idiot and one who will likely walk away.

After 2 months this was still a fling.

OP his history tells you all you need to know.

I kept the baby.
37, body clock ticking.

He decided the timing wouldn’t work for him, but as a previous poster said…. don’t abort the baby to keep the man.

Solo parent from day one.
Best decision I ever made.

My parents were blown away with joy, having never contemplated becoming grandparents at all.

She’s 11 now and thriving. Money is tight, as we get literally nothing from her father, but our relationship is tighter.

To be frank, I’m pretty relieved that I don’t have to share and am not forced to run things by someone else. We are our own little world.

Keep the baby.

Heartfelt congratulations.

Do stop the scaremongering over OP being 36.
You're all talking as if she's ancient.

The chances of conceiving at 36 are almost 75% within 12 months of 'trying'. Up to age 39 the chances are still 67% within 12 months.

The fact that the OP became pregnant so easily this time- within one cycle it would seem - shows she's able to conceive easily.

Yikes. I’d be prepared to do this entirely alone. Which is probably for the best really.

What’s worse than no father (ie going turkey solo) A rubbish abusive father with who you have ongoing strife for decades.

my biggest concern is whether this man is a good choice to have a child you can’t possibly know him well in two months, particularly given you’ve not seen him for a while. I’m sure you’ve read the threads on here. You’ve known him two months. My best friend had an accidental pregnancy with he ex who turned very abusive she’d known him 18 months or so and didn’t see it coming. Their child gives him ongoing way of trying to cause her issues.

it sounds like the relationship is doomed either way so I’d forget about that and focus very carefully on whether this man is decenT.

given your desire to have children though I’d keep it. but solo parenting is super hard. X

Wow - you’ve known some guy for two months and you’ve decided he’s the one? You haven’t had a chance to know him at all! It’s called the honeymoon period for a very good reason.

The potential end of the relationship shouldn’t really factor in to your decision since it is so new, it is doomed now anyway, you will resent him if you have a termination, or alternatively for not being supportive of you keeping the baby (he sounds like an idiot anyway, fathering kids all over the place).

This could well be your last chance to have a child, if you’re prepared to do that alone, and you have the finances and support in place, then go for it.

But get an STI test straight away - the rates of infection for several diseases in Nigeria are way higher than the UK and many can be life threatening for a foetus (and for you).

He doesn't sound great TBH OP, impregnating women willy nilly.
I still think have the baby but accept that more likely than not you'll be doing it alone.

What a load of fearmongering over the OP's age. She's 36 not 46. She's got time to build herself a proper relationship before bringing a child into the world. I wouldn't keep it because I value being financially secure and in a stable, long term relationship. YMMV

@BettyOops89

You've always wanted to be a mum and now you're going to be a mum. As long as you have the financial means to afford the child, why wouldn't you have the baby? IMHO never choose a man over a child, if a child is what you really want. This baby IS, any future babies MAY BE. At 36, is that a chance you want to take?

BUT, I think you need to do it with the full knowledge that chances are you'll be doing it completely on your own. This man has said he's not happy with this. He already has a child from a short term relationship and the relationship didn't last. He's also left that child behind and moved to another country so he's not much 'practical help', is he? Just be prepared for the same to happen to you. You've also said you don't think your mum will be 'best pleased' so you can't truly count on her, either.

So, go ahead as long as you can afford it. Just be sure that all your future plans to NOT include this man. Don't think 'Oh we'll do 50/50' or 'He can do the school run' or 'We'll split daycare costs' because that probably won't happen. Same for your mum. She may be thrilled and be all you could wish for. Or she may be 'pleased' but not offer much in the way of concrete help.

Think carefully, and the best of luck to you whatever you decide.