Pregnant after two months - keep it?

Don't make any decisions based on the survival of this relationship because two months isn't even a relationship. Take his presence out of it. If you are fine with raising a child - physically, practically, and financially - on your own then go for it.

Also consider that he might stay in the UK and be an active and involved Father but not in a relationship with you meaning there will be periods of time away from your child which will get longer as the child gets older. He may wish to take this child back to Nigeria at some point to meet their half sibling and his family.

You may not be on the same page re how to parent (read a million threads on here about it) and as you might not be together he can decide how to parent his way at his house.

If you were my friend I would be telling you to think long and hard about tying yourself to a man you barely know for the rest of this child's life. It doesn't stop when the child is 18. There are all the future events that bring parents together for their child too. Again read a million threads on here about issues with a man with PR and who is an arsehole. You have known this man 2 months, you have no idea if he is an arsehole or not yet.

Marriage doesn’t equal stability but at least the child will have been conceived in a loving, committed relationship. Of course marriages break down but the statistics of a broken relationship after conceiving a baby within a few weeks of meeting must be much higher. I’m sure there are statistics available . I do not understand women and men who put/ find themselves in these stupid ( and they are beyond stupid ) situations. This is a little baby being discussed. One who may have to grow up never knowing his /her father. In no situation is this remotely ideal.

You've known you want to be a mum forever.

You've known him for two months.

The latter is no time, and there's probably still an awful lot you don't know about him.

I'm your age and I wouldn't necessarily expect a second chance at conceiving. If you really want to be a mum, keep it. Don't expect to rely on him, though.

There's absolutely nothing stopping him starting his career as planned. He can do that and have a child as many people do, so that excuse is bollox in my opinion! I wouldn't abort OP. If you've this much doubt in your mind about it, it's not the right decision for you

You want the baby. You were prepared to go it alone.

Look, chances are you won't get your happily ever after with him. Like you said, he has visa issues and a son back in his home country to consider. That won't change when you've been in a relationship longer.

Establishing a career takes years, visa issues can take years, he will still have a child in another country. You won't be in a position to start a family with this man for years - by which time it may well be too late.

You need to choose between your dream of being a mum and wanting a 'higher chance' of this relationship continuing. I wouldn't be giving up on being a mum for a man I've known 2 months at 36.

At 36 and in a new relationship it COULD be the OP’s last chance. I would say it’s equally as helpfully as the whole “it’s just a bunch of cells” comments.

The OP has already stated she was considering doing it alone anyway so unless she’s a complete idiot then that would suggest that the child would not be in danger of growing up in poverty. Then again, this is mumsnet - a place where you can have multiple children at private school and a six figure salary and still argue that you’re not rich so I’m not sure how some posters would define poverty.

You are 36 and you want a baby this is an absolute no brainer if you don't have this baby you may never have another chance.

Firstly, I'd be concerned (as pp have said) that your boyfriend isn't telling you that whole truth.

How long has he been in the UK? How frequently does he get back to Nigeria to see his son? What was he intending to do post graduation? Stay or return? How easy would it be for him to get a visa?

Secondly, you cannot rely on a very short term relationship becoming something significant, so I'd be considering what the real likelihood is of you two making a go of it, and still being together in 10 years. It's still very very early days,

Thirdly, it is your decision to continue with this pregnancy or not. If you do, then work on the basis you are likely to be raising your child solo. If you decide not to continue, then for goodness sake think about contraception.

Having a termination is not an easy decision to make, as when it comes to it, it is heartbreaking and might impact you more than you think. I am pro-choice so fully support any woman 100% to make the decision she needs to, but it is one of the hardest things I ever did.

You want to keep the baby. Everything else is just noise and it will all fade when you have your baby in your arms.

Regardless of whether he wants to be with you/baby after he finishes his masters is very very much dependent on visas as it is very hard to get a settled status in the UK opposite to what many think. It is not free for all.

choice 1: Legally he can’t stay here after his masters unless he’s in a sought after job like healthcare where he can switch visas whilst on uk soil. Foreign nationals have to apply from abroad to get work/settlement visa in the uk.

Choice 2: going back and applying from home country. Chances of getting an employer to sponsor him as an employee is very hard.

Choice3: The other way of getting back to the uk is on a fiancé or married visa.

We were married, had house,
Husband left,
It’s really hard bringing up a child solo.
People think ‘baby” but a baby is there for a twinkling of an eye- Children and teens are far more demanding.
And can be quite questioning of parents choices.

That depends on the family , you can't judge everyone on yours !
Some families are hugely supportive , mine included

Some posters on here seem to view having a baby through rose tinted spectacles.

Most babies are a blessing. Some aren't.

At this stage it’s not a child.

It seems so desperate to grab at the first sperm producer outside of a secure marriage.

Yes, husbands may leave in future , but at least a stable upbringing was planned for.

Have you not heard of secondary infertility @BettyOops89 ? Just because you've got pregnant now doesn't mean you will again. Having said that, I don't think this man should be the father of your child.

It's a blessing you may not get another chance x keep it and enjoy your Christmas gift x

People have no idea when on that quest to get pregnant by the first man when the clock ⏰ is ticking.

Single parenthood is hard, and the child deserves a committed father.

But this one seems rather feckless , not using contraception.

( Op is desperate to get pregnant)

The child as a teenager may want to know about their dad and could well judge such a short term fling.

A baby turns into a questioning adult in the blink of an eye.

Boys especially need good male role models to learn from and look up to.

The life of the child is the most important thing.

And yet you are advocating terminating it

I think this relationship has 0% chance either way.

Keep the baby
Bear in mind this relationship has a fifty fifty chance either way

What's more relevant is can the OP survive as a lone parent?
Ignore the man- he's a waste of space.

Completely agree. I would never have chosen to be a lone parent. When I was 36 I earned considerably more than average wage with potential for career development. I still wouldn't have gone solo.

This is sound advice.

My opinion is that no man could ever mean more to me than my child, and if by having her it meant losing him then so be it

I'm pleased you added that this is not yet a baby or a child.

It's a tiny set of cells. Not even a foetus yet. An embryo.

I don't think it's helpful for posters to keep plugging away at 'this could be your last chance'.

The life of the child is the most important thing.
What kind of life would it have? Would it be raised in poverty?
Will it always be wanted?

Keep the baby, you may never get another chance. You want this - you’ll make it work! Just one word of advice: make sure you organise things well from a legal point of view.