Pregnant after two months - keep it?

No they don't. Terminations exist to give the person who is pregnant more options.

I think terminations exist to give anyone involved more options. It's more the unwanted child I have sympathy for, although know that there are some incredible single mothers.

Considering this man already has a child with another woman on another continent, I really don’t think he deserves sympathy. He is more than capable of using a condom presumably. Terminations do not exist to give MEN more options.

It's definetely a complicated one. You know you're more than capable of keeping it and going it alone but is that definetely what you want?

Another thing you have to consider is you may choose to keep it and the father may decide to be involved - but not with you. How would you feel about the potential of sharing custody? I share custody of my first born with my ex, and we get along really well, but it's still hard letting her go every weekend. Still hard having to share her during birthdays, holidays and other events. I can't imagine how much harder it would be if I didn't get along with my ex :(

I'd have a chat with him and explain your situation, explain you're happy to keep it and do it alone and see what he would want to do if you did decide to keep it x

HaveNeverLivedintheCastle

ParsnipPuree
I wouldn't keep it as although you were both responsible, I do feel the father shouldn't be forced to bring a child into the world he doesn't want.. not fair on either of them.

Oh fgs. He could have used a condom then. Condoms are extremely good at preventing pregnancy when used properly.

So he made a mistake as did they both. Happens! That's why terminations are offered.

I would stop worrying about if this man sticks with you and base my decision on whether you want this child or not. There's the risk you won't fall pregnant at later age (or you might who knows) but at your age I would stop thinking of what other people say/think and purely do what you want for yourself.

Oh fgs. He could have used a condom then. Condoms are extremely good at preventing pregnancy when used properly.

Here’s a big question. Do you have this man on social media? If so, does he keep parts of it private, acknowledge/post about you? Anything at all, or is he willing to? Is his friends list and/or follow list private? Or does he tell you he isn’t on social media..?

These might not seem important but are very telling on if he has more than one partner/a wife back home. I’d be snooping if I were you.

Out of curiosity how did you guys meet ? Its your decision OP but I would assume in my mind you will be doing it alone. If you are ok with it then have the baby.

He has a child on another continent. You shouldn’t even be considering a long term relationship with this man. He needs to return to his home country after completing his education so he can have a real
relationship with his child. If he doesn’t, is he really the kind of man you would want to be with, one who would leave his child behind like that?

if you want to keep this baby, you are looking at international custody agreements. The father might simply walk away, but what if he doesn’t. What if he wants his child to come visit. You may be prepared to be a single mother, but how do you feel about sending your child away every school break?

Well then use a condom.

Yeah. No contraception.

I wouldn't keep it as although you were both responsible, I do feel the father shouldn't be forced to bring a child into the world he doesn't want.. not fair on either of them.

You could abort and he could finish with you one week later.

Things happen for a reason.

Have you been tested for STIs? Both before you started having unprotected sex and since finding out you're pregnant? 😬

If you do have the baby, do your best that the father never takes the child to Nigeria, just in case.

Nigeria is not a signatory to the Hague Convention.

I’d put the relationship to one side and figure out if you are willing and able to be a single mum. If you do, then keep the baby. If the relationship works too then great, but I wouldn’t factor in a two month relationship when making this decision. Also the relationship may not survive an abortion you feel on some level you were persuaded into in the hope of keeping him.

This may sound a bit ‘cold’ but going it alone is financially challenging. Having a baby with a legal father will likely offer financial support even if you are not together or you don’t get practical support or involvement.

Please don’t count that falling quickly once means that the same will happen again. It rarely does

Keep it. It might be your last chance to have a baby.

I wouldn’t keep it. Much too soon. But, it has to be your decision. 🌺

You have known this man 2 months, you have no idea if he is an arsehole or not yet.

The first half of this comment is true.

The second half is not true.

He is clearly an arsehole -

he's made OP pregnant when HE doesn't want a child , he has no job, his future in the UK uncertain as he's from Nigeria and is a student, and has another child- 5 year old- in Nigeria, from a fling.

“This is a little baby we are talking about” - yeah, one they you are saying you would abort.

My dad has not played an active role in my life, I haven’t seen him for years and he obviously isn’t bothered about having a relationship with me. It would be a lie to say that this hasn’t bothered me and there havent been times in my life where it’s made me upset BUT I have a mother who loves me dearly and I had a lovely childhood. I sure as hell am glad my mom didn’t get rid of me on the basis that poor little baby me needed her to be married to a nice man who would stick around. The OP clearly knows this is not “ideal” but that’s life.

I would just offer caution on that. I got accidentally pregnant at a really bad time and I took it as a real sign that I'd be able to conceive easily again when we were ready. Bottom line it took several years and ivf to conceive again and we only started trying 9 months after the first accidental pregnancy.

Forget about the man.
He doesn’t really exist in this situation because it’s likely he won’t be involved.

If he went home tomorrow and never spoke to you again, how would you feel?

Would you still want the baby as a single parent?

You will have to explain to family, friends, co-workers, school teachers etc that the dad isn’t involved.

Not only that, but you will have to explain to the child why their dad isn’t involved, why they’ve never met any of their extended family and why you don’t know anything about their dad or extended family.

It absolutely can be done.
But the child does suffer.

Your child will be at a disadvantage financially with less money, physically with no input from dad or the wider family, emotionally from feeling unwanted and culturally because they’ll be mixed race with half their family from a different country but no ties to it.

So forget about the man.
Think about what you want as a single person/parent.
Then think about what’s best for the child.

Who the father of your child is has to be a consideration.

Going it alone through sperm donor ivf would be better than a man who casually says not great timing, get rid.