Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Pregnant after two months - keep it?

237 replies

BettyOops89 · 27/12/2024 13:01

I'm in a sticky situation and I don't know what to do.

Just found out that I'm pregnant, on Christmas Day.

I've been in my current relationship just two months, but it's the best connection I've ever had and see long term potential with this man.

I'm 36, have no other children and all I've ever wanted is to become a mum. Before this relationship I had spoken about going it alone because I didn't think I'd find anyone.

I've told him but he said the timing is all wrong. He's just finishing his Masters (mature student) and I'm in a secure job but don't earn tons. He's also from abroad on a student visa so pressure is on to find a proper job in the New Year so he can stay.

I think I would have help from family if the worst happened but I also don't want to lose this special relationship if he really doesn't want the baby right now.

What would you do?

OP posts:
Tandora · 27/12/2024 13:09

Whatever you do , do not abort the baby to keep the man.
If you want the baby that’s all that matters. Keep it.

OnlyMothersInTheBuilding · 27/12/2024 13:08

I'd also keep the baby given your age and that you want one. At 36 it's risky to wait another year or two. The opportunity might not be there then.

Mummyboy1 · 27/12/2024 13:08

I would keep the baby but be fully prepared to be a single parent. If you were already open to that option then with preparation, you'll be fine.

Applepoop · 27/12/2024 13:08

Keep the baby. You were thinking of going it alone anyway. You never know when time is not on your side - I went into premature menopause at 39. Luckily I’d had kids in my 20s, but I did not have any kind of warning or indication that it was going to happen. No health issues, nothing.

If you abort now, you won’t feel the same about this special new relationship. So don’t abort to save the relationship as that doesn’t work.

sesquipedalian · 27/12/2024 13:07

It isn’t a matter of what a bunch of strangers advise on an online forum - it’s what do YOU want to do? If you have always wanted children, you might regret not keeping this pregnancy and perhaps ending up childless. If you really have a “special relationship” with this man, then I suspect he will come round - but you need to be prepared to go it alone, in case he runs for the hills. You also need to give him plenty of space between now and finishing his Masters - it’s a lot of work and it’s not fair on him to jeopardise it.

Plastictrees · 27/12/2024 13:06

It sounds like a no brainer to me. You want to keep this baby.

Halo20 · 27/12/2024 13:06

Keep the baby but you need to be aware and prepared to raise it yourself in case the relationship doesnt work.

Merryoldgoat · 27/12/2024 13:05

I wouldn’t keep it because I only wanted to have children in a stable relationship.

We aren’t you so you should do whatever you feel is right but make your decision with open eyes knowing you may be bringing a child into the world whose father does not want them and you will have to do all you can ameliorate that.

TwinkleLights24 · 27/12/2024 13:04

I wouldn’t keep the baby. I have been a solo mum from the start due to getting pregnant very early into dating.

Family do not help the way you may expect or they way they offer.

Katemax82 · 27/12/2024 13:04

I agree with the above poster. If you want the baby, keep it. You will regret the other option

carseatffs · 27/12/2024 13:04

Yes if you want a baby as you are 36. Asking a forum is not the best way to make such a choice though. X

Shinytaps · 27/12/2024 13:03

I would 100% keep the baby if I had always wanted kids, was 36 and been thinking about going it alone anyway.

you will find a way to make it work.