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Original poster

Do you still pay for your teenagers birthday celebrations with friends?

57 replies

MistletoeAndWine123 · 27/12/2024 12:59

Just wondering, if you still pay for your teenagers birthday celebrations with friends?

DS has a birthday next week, will be 15, and 6 of them are doing an activity and then getting a bite to eat after. Total bill will be approx £40pp. I had never questioned covering the cost until a friend asked me why I was paying for everyone. According to her, the teens should each be paying for themselves at this age.

Do you cover your teens birthday costs? For context he is still getting a gift and there will also be a family celebration meal that I will cover as well.

OP posts:
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SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 28/12/2024 12:15

ThatsCute · 27/12/2024 13:59

How does this work….you send out a birthday invitation to DC’s party, but inform the parents that their kids need to bring £40 to pay? Seems pretty crass to me.

Mmm, that wouldn't work. There would have to be no invitations. DC would ask friends to come, and tell them that everyone pays for themselves. They can decide to do something cheaper if some friends back out on cost grounds.

SLRUS · 27/12/2024 20:59

I do because I would be the poor kid that couldn't attend any party if those were the rules. I'd hate for a kid not to celebrate with mine just because they couldn't afford to come. Not really values I'd like to see my child replicate.

Oblomov24 · 27/12/2024 20:19

Yes of course.

HPandthelastwish · 27/12/2024 20:01

Yes DDs birthday is in the autumn so I book her and her friends tickets to Fright Nights at the local amusement park and act as taxi, they meet at ours for light party food, cake and finishing touches of face paint and glow sticks are always a hit.

If things were tight and I had to pick between family meal out and DDs birthday activity with her friends Id cut the family meal / do a cheaper version at home.

MrsPositivity1 · 27/12/2024 19:51

I didn't pay once in big school except for 18 & 21 - which cost a fortune 🤩

buttonousmaximous · 27/12/2024 18:42

Structured activity yes. Going out and getting drunk (at 18) no.

Tig44 · 27/12/2024 18:30

Yes definitely at 15, we paid for celebration until 18 and also their 21st party. Also meal with family if not combined with their main celebration

MereDintofPandiculation · 27/12/2024 18:25

Yes, of course. Extra cost of teenagers is offset by not having so many of them.

TwoLeggedGrooveMachine · 27/12/2024 18:23

I paid for my 17 year old to do an escape room with 5 friends then pizza at our place afterwards. She is autistic and has anxiety and isn’t ready for a job yet. I’m just so pleased she has her loyal gang that I’m happy to pay.

pavillion1 · 27/12/2024 18:18

No way

Bushmillsbabe · 27/12/2024 18:17

I would still pay, but would give my teenager a budget of for example £100/£150, and they can decide cheaper activity with more people or more expensive with just a couple of friends. If they wanted 6 people I would say I would cover an activity - such as movie or whatever, and they could either pay to eat put themselves or I can get some pizzas etc for them to have back at the house.

msmatcha · 27/12/2024 18:13

Yes of course!!

mitogoshigg · 27/12/2024 18:11

Until 18 they got a birthday treat, it could be a party, activity with friends or something with me (plus now exh). Dd1 had a party one but mostly negotiated tickets for something with us accompanying, she's autistic and deeply into music, high brow mostly which can be £££ eg royal opera Covent Garden dd2 varied a bit but being a foodie she would request an expensive meal out with us and bring along her boyfriend since 17, she's still with him so I hadn't scared him off

Gekeos · 27/12/2024 18:07

Yes always pay.

redskydarknight · 27/12/2024 17:15

MistletoeAndWine123 · 27/12/2024 14:41

Well I can't speak for his friends, but DS receives a monthly allowance, has a healthy savings balance in the £££s and has also been gifted nearly £500 for Xmas so far, will likely make the same in cash for his Bday as well.

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Well, that's the difference isn't it? Amongst teens we know, prior to 16 and part time jobs, the monthly allowance was around £40-£50 which often had to cover paying for phone and other essential costs. And no one had great amounts of savings.

If you're all from wealthy family backgrounds where a teen can easily afford to pay £20 or £30 or more to attend a friend's birthday party, it's a bit different.

Minikievs · 27/12/2024 15:17

MistletoeAndWine123 · 27/12/2024 14:15

Well they're not self funding as I'm paying so we don't need to communicate this to them. My friend was saying that at their age, they should be spending their own pocket money to celebrate with a friend, which tbf I did when I was that age. So I was just interested to know what everyone else does.

I agree with you. Your friend thinks they should be paying for themselves out of allowance? My DC is 15 next birthday. If he spent £40 on a meal out with his mates fur a birthday, that's his whole monthly allowance gone in one day.

Newname71 · 27/12/2024 15:09

I figure it you invite people anywhere you pay. Birthdays, cinema, out for food whatever it is. You invite, you pay

Original poster
MistletoeAndWine123 · 27/12/2024 15:08

TwinklyStarlight · 27/12/2024 14:51

Round here I think this has changed quite recently. Pre-covid older teens largely transitioned to all chipping in and paying for themselves (and tended not to bring gifts on top), whereas current teens haven't. Now it's more parents paying for it all and teens still bringing gifts.

This is what I remember at that age. We would go to the cinema, pizza etc and pay for ourselves and the birthday person as well but there would be no additional gifts on too, unless it was a very close friend.

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Original poster
MistletoeAndWine123 · 27/12/2024 15:06

@TeenageRooster not suggesting he pays for his friends out of his own money, was just replying to @Bertielong3 when they asked where his friends would have the money to pay for this activity.

OP posts:
TeenageRooster · 27/12/2024 15:00

MistletoeAndWine123 · 27/12/2024 14:41

Well I can't speak for his friends, but DS receives a monthly allowance, has a healthy savings balance in the £££s and has also been gifted nearly £500 for Xmas so far, will likely make the same in cash for his Bday as well.

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I still think you should pay at 15, but the teen will be getting any treats or big things he wants beyond the party for a good few months if he's got plenty of savings and Christmas money. Don't think it's fair to say he should use that on his own party though.

Fratty · 27/12/2024 14:58

I did up to the 18th birthday (small party at home with pizza from local restaurant and supple of booze) but not beyond

TwinklyStarlight · 27/12/2024 14:51

Round here I think this has changed quite recently. Pre-covid older teens largely transitioned to all chipping in and paying for themselves (and tended not to bring gifts on top), whereas current teens haven't. Now it's more parents paying for it all and teens still bringing gifts.

Original poster
MistletoeAndWine123 · 27/12/2024 14:41

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This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Well I can't speak for his friends, but DS receives a monthly allowance, has a healthy savings balance in the £££s and has also been gifted nearly £500 for Xmas so far, will likely make the same in cash for his Bday as well.

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AxolotlEars · 27/12/2024 14:41

No. We wouldn't have paid that sort of money at any point. By that age, if they organise it themselves, I would expect them all to pay for themselves. My kids definitely wouldn't invite anyone to something and assume I'd pay.

Bertielong3 · 27/12/2024 14:38

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