Am I being uptight?

Go home and get divorce proceedings under way for his arrival back. His disrespect for and disinterest in you and your DD are too much. You deserve so much more.

Neither of you are prepared to compromise, so it was never going to end well.

Yes, you are uptight trying to stick to the UK routine. It's a very British thing to insist on a very strict routine, in many other places parents are flexible and so are the kids! Babies and toddlers included.

Travel to a different time zone, and your child will adapt. It's a simple fact. It's not reasonable to expect everybody else to change their schedule to accomodate your preferences.

On the other hand, the father should at least give a few hours a day for his child. It wouldn't kill him to be up in the afternoon, that's where he's wrong.

Both too unflexible

I was going to ask if they were Transylvanian, because that sounds like the schedule of a vampire.

Are they spanish? Sounds like a spanish Christmas timetable. Expecting small children to go to bed at 10/11/12 at night...

You're not uptight at all, it sounds grim and I would be furious.

I can't bear it when people sleep all day, I think over the age of about 22 it's dick behaviour: complete waste of life and a fuck you to the people you're with.

It would be just about tolerable in young adults but from the whole family; no thanks. And the fact you've taken leave and spent money to be there and brought a small child and they're leaving you to it? Fuck that for a game of soldiers.

I would leave and actually divorce if this didn't change.

5pm to get up?! When he has a child? So everything falls to you, how lovely.
Clearly the family have no interest in seeing your child either.
I'd go home too.

It's not a 'change in routine' though, is it?
It's expecting to turn the day upside down - up all night and sleep all day.

@MyPurpleHeart we used to visit my in-laws abroad and there was a couple of hours time difference with uk so instead of dc going to bed at 1930 uk time I'd put them to bed 2130 (abroad time). I still got moaned at for going to bed early etc but it made it easier.

Who's looking after the other kids in the family during the day? Or are they up all night/sleeping all day too?
I would be livid if my husband did this, especially given that he works away most of the time anyway.

Your husband is an absolute waste of space.

As the old MN saying goes, you have a husband problem. Hes treating you like a nanny to your own child. Yes its his family you’re visiting but you’re allowed some downtime too.

The fact that he works away the majority of the week and can’t even push himself to spend his xmas
holidays with you speaks volumes. To me, you’d be better off not being with him at all.

This is ridiculous. I have friends from a very large family like the one you describe; absolutely lovely people also but no concept of moderation. They love socialising together and are creatures of the night. They are heavy drinkers and also drug users.

I love them, from afar, a few times a year and always make my excuses and leave at a reasonable time.

As the years then decades progressed cracks have appeared with the spouses and family units. I'm not surprised. That sort of behaviour is just not compatible with family life.

Your husband needs to grow up. He's a father and husband now. He needs to make a choice; you and DC to be his family or his siblings. Getting up while he's going to bed is outrageous.

I would quietly get myself organised to get home. Let him know the two of you will be sitting down to discuss if you're going to spend 2025 together after he's back. Then go. You can't live like this and raise your DC to think that's how a father behaves. You are single parenting within a relationship.

I’d go home and tell DH that it’s the last time I was going to visit his family when he can’t keep to his word. Juvenile man child.

My son and I are night owls but it's easy enough to revert back to a normal daytime routine when you have to.

In 12 years I've never known any of them to go to bed before 12pm, ever!

If I'm in bed before 12p.m it's because I'm ill. Even in normal working , not on holiday time, bed time is between 1 -2 a.m

100% this

I do hope you went home early and aren't still there

Awful treatment of you and DD by your H, especially given that he’s behaved like this before,m, you work full time and do all weekday parenting while he works away.

I just don't see why adjusting DD's routine for the holiday is such a red line.

Every child is different. My younger two would have coped with a change of routine at that age. My oldest absolutely would not, we learned the hard way not to mess with his routine as he was just unbearable.

The thing is, you knew what the family was like as you say that they have been like this in the past. You also say there are loads of adults and very few children. It's unfair to expect them to completely change the way they obviously like to do things just to accommodate your toddler.

Having said that, I wouldn't be going again until she is a lot older.

Hope you came home with your daughter @MyPurpleHeart

Your DH has form for this and assured you it would be different this year and yet he's reverted back to their nocturnal ways already. I'd let him know how bloody cross I was!
He's extremely selfish to leave all the parenting to you and it's bloody sad that your in-laws are missing a lovely opportunity to spend time with their grandchild. Leave them all to it and don't rush to go back there again!

This sounds really hard, it is worth it getting a bedtime routine sorted and kids on the whole especially at that age don’t often cope well with late nights and out of their routine. You can do one offs but you pay for it the next day.

This sounds more an adult Christmas get together not a family one. Different cultures plays a part as maybe their culture children are used to a more varied routine, but ours especially when both parents work FT in stressful jobs settled children in routines really pays off. I know you have to balance fun, play and not always having structure, but a week of very late nights and sleeping in the day kids won’t adapt that quickly - and nor would I!

difficult one, but I think if you go again with young children can you stay in a nearby hotel? Thing is I can’t see how your husband could leave early or his family swap routines.

maybe visit another time of the year for the next couple of years?

OP I hope you did fly home with or without the husband and I hope that’s the last time you spend Christmas with his family
What has annoyed me is your husband normally works away Monday to Friday and then over Christmas whilst on annual leave he has made no effort to be with his child or you I would be reevaluating the relationship at this point tbh wishing you all the best for 2025 OP

If they’re sleeping in till 2pm or 5pm and having naps on top I don’t think they necessarily need drugs to stay awake!

OP I hope you’re home now and I hope your DH came with you, otherwise I’d be making plans to leave him. What a selfish twat.

Do you have a toddler though?