Am I being uptight?

Fun if you didn't have kids maybe. They sound like teenagers

YANBU at all.
Fair enough he wants to let his hair down with family for a night or 2 but he is taking the piss. It is hard work looking after a toddler all day and if you kept her up she would be a nightmare and guess what you would be doing the childcare with an extra grumpy toddler. He has a child now yet he is being incredibly selfish to you. I wouldn't want to be doing what he is, I loved spending holidays with my kids and prioritised time with them. Do not go next year. You would be better off at home with your home comforts and friends to see. Plan a day to do something for yourself when u get home and leave him in charge.
Don't have a 2nd child with this man. He is a selfish bastard

You should remind him of his promise and tell him he will be in charge of the baby all day tomorrow so he might like to remember to go to bed early.

Hope you made it home ok @MyPurpleHeart - your DH is shocking. He didn’t have to stay up to the bitter end every single time.

What is happening with the other three children in all this? Are they staying up all night? Who is seeing to their welfare?

I completely agree, it's utterly grim and doesn't bode well for what "family life" would be like with this family. I would seriously be rethinking the marriage.

You and your daughter deserve a Christmas. Next time I would plan to go 28th-2nd, expect it to be some alone time for you and DD, but no way would I continue to basically miss having proper Christmas with DD like that going forwards.

Is he normally this absent? Why on earth does he think it's acceptable to tap out of being a parent completely? I'm in shock! My partner would never do this and if he did I'd leave him. Firstly, I'd be getting on a plane back home now. This is so unacceptable I can't even cope!

I hope you flew home and I hope you're ok.

And I’m not talking about the odd night of keeping the kid up late - that’s fine. It’s the father going up to bed at 8am and expecting his partner to do all the childcare that’s bloody rude. Did he expect the kid to be able to stay up that late? I’ll bet no - but it’s ok because he can just have a jolly and let his partner do everything.

Sounds crap. Hope you managed to sort an early flight home. You deserve something resembling a break.

Son and DIL have always gone to Spain with her parents every summer.Her parents are very generous and have always paid for everything and they always seemed to have a nice time. After first grandchild was born it collapsed a bit. Its her parents big holiday of the year and , absolutely understandably, they haven't changed how they do it. They become more nocturnal during the 2 weeks. Get up at 2 go out and eat. Drink alcohol with that meal and throughout the afternoon. That goes on to another meal and more alcohol then bed at around 3 in the morning. It was impossible to do with a small child and very stressful trying to keep him quiet so the parents could sleep. They didn't go with them this year. That's the first time in 12 years.

Sounds awful, and very lonely 😞
I would also fly home early and then make sure I absolutely didn’t go for next Christmas if the message hasn’t been received that it’s totally unacceptable to step out of parenting and spending time with you both/giving you a break, especially as he usually works away.

I hope you actually did this OP. Can’t think of anything worse, does the grandparent(s) not even want to adapt their schedule of drinking to spend time with their grandkid? It’s just really strange.

I think that would be something to work with but her husband was heading to bed at 8am and getting up at 5pm so there's no working around that schedule!

Yes, you are uptight trying to stick to the UK routine. It's a very British thing to insist on a very strict routine, in many other places parents are flexible and so are the kids! Babies and toddlers included.

Travel to a different time zone, and your child will adapt. It's a simple fact. It's not reasonable to expect everybody else to change their schedule to accomodate your preferences.

That's one thing if they were out as a couple without children. Although even in countries with very nocturnal countries people don't sleep all day. They may have a siesta but normal life would carry on. What the OP is describing is nothing to do with "culture", its just being debauched.

Also it's not "British" to expect to be allowed to put your child to bed at a time which suits them or to expect the father to spend a bit of time with their child.

What he's doing is effectively outsourcing all childcare to the OP and expecting her to make it work despite the fact that no one in the family has any respect for hers or her child's needs.

@MyPurpleHeart well I for one would not be returning to this shit next year!! your husband is a lazy shit and has neglected to do any parenting duties, just leaving it to you!! Personally, i would be looking for an early flight home asap. leave him to it!

I wouldn't be normalising drinking all nighters to my child either. Fine if it's a day or two over the main days but each day? They all sound like the sort of people I wouldn't like to be around. My idea of family time and this differs wildly.

YANBU

I wouldn’t even have made the trip, it sounds so boring.

Record each and every day for yourself - the times your dh woke up and how much he interacted each day. Do this for yourself so you won't be made to be some mad, overreacting woman.

This is disgraceful of your husband. I would actually just leave and never do this again. Fine if the rest of the adults want to behave like this but your dh is pathetic. He's just dumped you with all the responsibility when it's meant to be family time and a holiday for you too. You would be perfectly reasonable to never do this again. What a pathetic man.

This.
I come from a family where alcohol was rarely offered and 10.30 was bedtime. I met a man during my college years.Spent the period after Christmas and up to 2nd January with his family. They started drinking alcohol at 11 in the morning and drank until they went to bed at midnight. If I was offered a drink and asked for a tea they brushed it away and got me a G and T. I can really sympathise Op. I felt ( and looked) so ill by the time I got on the coach to go home. I never went again.

My family were a bit like this. Coming to bed at 4am, and sleeping till 1pm. It's fine for a few days if you don't have kids, but very difficult when you do!! After I had my two kids, I got called boring once by my sister for ending a night out at 4am (kids were with granny), and I had to remind her that I would be up at 6am with the kids!! Guess what, she was still in bed the next day at 4pm!!

Your DH is treating you appallingly. There's a middle ground he could have taken - play cards or whatever till 1am, get up the next day at 8am.

I would have flown home days ago - not worth the extra expense now, if you are due to leave on the 2nd anyway.

You have a child, a small one! And DH thinks it’s OK to get up at 5pm and just assumes you will care for her. And it wasn’t a one off. And it’s happened before. This is the problem, not you. It’s great that he’s letting loose and having fun but he needs to OK it with you first if he’s going to miss all the parenting.

You’ve changed the hours of the routine a little, which is all that can be expected with a small child.

I hope you went home and told him why?

YANBU.
Circadian rhythms are natural and hard to change. If you go against your own body clock you will be exhausted.

Babies naturally wake and sleep early. Adults vary, and as night owls your husbands family have different body clocks to you.

They are harming your sleep and rest by trying to force you and your baby to change your own natural sleep patterns to fit in with theirs.

Is this a country where it’s usually very hot and it’s normal to be more nocturnal - as people sleep in the hottest parts of the day? A lot of countries in Asia it is the norm to see very young children out late at night as it’s too hot to be outside during what we would think are “normal” hours.