Am I being uptight?

It sounds like it’s a different culture, and then you have the time of year. and that’s the clash

i don’t t think you have to defend anything. You sound like you know what’s best for your child so be sure in that and just carry on

doenst sound much fun for you

God that sounds awful, if I was in your shoes and doing all the work with a toddler with no support I'd rather be doing it on my own at home, I wouldn't have gone.

Extended family, it’s up to them what they do but they cannot expect you to change to their ‘routines’.

Your hubby however is obviously neglecting his parental responsibilities. If he wants to stay up until 8am, fine, but that doesn’t mean he gets to sleep for the rest of the day as he has a toddler to look after!!

I think it is totally responsible for you to insist on specific ‘rules’ for when he can have his late night extended-family time and when he is around for your family time.

E.g (although different situation)
My hubby goes to watch his local rugby team on Saturdays, he started staying at the clubhouse for drinks. I had a conversation with him that this took over from family time (which we only have weekends for), so we came to the agreement that home games, he comes straight home afterwards, and away games he can stick around for drinks and have the whole day out if he wants to.

i know it’s not quite the same but there needs to be a balance, where he can have those late nights now and again, (sometimes being allowed to sleep in if you agree, but he has to be prepared to be knackered when parenting the other times!).
The rest of the time is your little family time, where he is present and attentive (with no whinging!!)

I would only go for a fee days for Christmas, return home and leave DH there. This arrangement doesn’t work for you and DD. Or book a hotel/airbnb for you and DD, share some time with them but not all the time

YANBU even 1%, this sounds awful. I've stayed with family even without all the super late nights and it's always hard with little kids, being in a different place without the home comforts and trying to have routine. Especially when the family don't understand.
Your husband is being unreasonable not helping you out. He can see his family plenty without the 5pm get ups

My family are pretty nocturnal and 7-7 with a nap has never been anything approaching "standard" for my sleepless demon children, but even I would struggle with this, and I'm one of the most nocturnal people I know! My kids will stay up till midnight sometimes even toddlers, but going to bed at 8 am and getting up at 2pm just feels horrid after a while. Your DH is so unreasonable to be leaving this to you. I'm from a big close clan and live overseas and understand the fomo he'll feel from going to bed earlier, but he just has to. It's not forever anyway. When the kids can get their own cereal he can switch back again! There's a middle ground like 3am - 11am would still give him time to go out with you and help.

I agree with this too.
sounds exhausting but hopefully you can get a break when you’re home x

I experienced this with my son when he was born. It was a cultural thing and everyone had their babies and kids up super late in that instance - it was so normal in that culture. I was really worried at the time, trying to stick to my own way of doing it, but looking back now realise it was just a short time (we weren't with them all the time either) and has not impacted him negatively in the long run. He now really values that he has a mixed cultural heritage and experience of both sets of traditions and ways of doing things. Sounds like you're doing your best to keep your daughter happy and your DH is reconnecting with his fam. It is only for a short time thankfully, although I can see how it would get you tired being out of sync and doing all the parenting for a bit. perhaps when you get home he can make it up to you by taking over so you can have a bit of r n r on home turf!

Spain?

Anyway, YANBU. I'd be miserable too. If you can get an earlier flight without too much trouble I'd take it.

No way would I go again. Your DP getting up at 5pm is disgusting.

Sounds rubbish if it was me I would want to go home !

This.

Why do you even go?

I treasure the long Christmas break and would not let anything interfere with that.

He needs reminding he has responsibilities now and that he promised it would be different this year.

I’d also be going home and getting things in order to separate. This is no life for you.

What country/ culture is this where adults stay up all night, literally sleep all day and have so few children?

Honestly you knew from previous visits that this is how they are - you could have easily changed your DD's routine it's what 1000's of parents do every day when they go on holiday to different time zones; it just takes planning!

I can imagine this is a traditional Greek or Italian family, house in the middle of nowhere... And the type of set up where men dont do much childcare. But still, your DH sounds very selfish. You will need to have a word with him.

I can't believe that his family are so heartless that no one offers any help to you. They must have noticed you are missing out? I would either go and stay in a hotel somewhere in town - at least you would have something to during the day - or go home, as people here have suggested. You need to show them that you are upset.

The whole thing sounds ludicrous. This sticks out straight away.

DH only gets to come over a few times a year

So what? Lots if people only visit their families a few times a year (within the uk). It doesnt give him a licence to behave like this.

Hope you made it safely home.

OMG this sounds like a living nightmare! Most toddlers could probably adapt to a couple of late nights with a lie in the next day, but this constant turning day into night is just hopeless for her. What are the other kids doing? Yeah my first thought was just to leave And what a twat your DH is. What a lonely, exhausting and miserable ‘holiday’ for you.

Not uptight. I'd be fuming if my husband got up at 5pm, so effectively ignored my toddler 10 out of the 12 hours they were awake.
It's not the same as if they were somewhere with a different time zone :

• in a different timezone getting up in daylight helps you get used to it. They are missing all the daylight
• if you go somewhere with that change of time zone (Australia / NZ) you generally go for more than a week
• even if they could get a toddler to completely flip their hours, what they fuck can they do to entertain the toddler in the middle of the night when everyone is drunk? You couldn't go out a walk, to the park, or anywhere. A toddler isn't going to want to be around adults drinking and chatting for hours on end

He has put you in a shit situation. He could have compromised eg stayed up til 1 with his family, which is seeing them for 11 hours if they wake at 2pm, got up at 9 and spent the morning / afternoon with you

Someone who is happy to ignore his own child over Christmas doesn't sound like a great dad or partner...I'm sure this can't be the only selfish thing he has done - how are things normally?

So what did you do in the end? No further update provided??

There’s no way I’d put up with this. Does he know your pissy? When you pass him at 8am I would say ‘Fuck this shit, no way am I doing this again, next year you come on your own.’

I actually had this with my Mediterranean friends - they could not understand why I could not simply stick my toddler in another room (where he would magically fall asleep by himself) and continue partying. Their kids, apparently, just slept whenever at parties, no problem at all. Bedtime also - mine always went to bed at 9pm (quite late by English standards) but it was never late enough!

I hope you have booked your flights home OP.

No, you’re not being uptight. Your DH is being super unreasonable though.

I remember being furious when the Italian side of the family told us, while in the UK, that we put our children to bed ‘too early’. Stuff that.

But you must have known this is what is going to happen - you say they have always been like this? Did you discuss it with your husband before going?

I'm not blaming you, it sounds exhausting, and your DH is being a twat - but it looks like it was expected?

Why both of you thought it would be a good idea to go?