To not tolerate bullshit from family, just because they're blood?

My DB is also an alcoholic. Bit of a running theme here.

Honestly no contact was a last resort. I’d put up with abuse, lies, aggressiveness and also many years of ruined holidays as I would get a phone all from them or the police to say they had been arrested and had no where to go.

every family event revolved around them and everyone was on eggshells.

its horrible that others have this shit in their life but also comforting that my family isn’t abnormal 😂

I’m no contact with my sibling, my mum is low contact with them.

They are an alcoholic, who is manipulative, abusive and tries to play the victim.

im not having it, we both had the same upbringing, same opportunities and same guidance. They didn’t choose wisely while making life choices and I wasn’t taking their manipulation any more, been no contact for 5 years.

life is much easier now.

The eldest. Part of the issue in fact most of it is jealousy. There is a large age gap too. I suppose having to share a bedroom with a toddler when you are a teen is hard.

But then she puts on airs because her husband's family had a big house....didn't have a proper job from the age of 40 (no kids) husband was a drunk and died a few years ago, no inheritance from his family after all...so she is bitter that her younger sister in particular has done well (after a lot of hard work and sacrifice which she didn't do)

I have a challenging dynamic with my family but siblings have their own issues with each other too.
I'm low contact and do contact in a way I can manage that has less impact on my mental wellbeing. Having a partner who understands and is supportive is really important. I simply, now, won't do anything i don't want to just for the sake of it.

No never. He’s got some social anxiety issues so doesn’t attend any family gatherings (not that we have them often). He still sees my parents (divorced) but only if they initiate contact with him. Even then he just sits there apparently, they talk and he answers mainly in yes or no, doesn’t converse. He doesn’t speak to my other siblings either.

I wouldn’t walk past in him the street as he lives almost an hour from me.

I think my view is I can be completely no contact personally but I am also an adult and have the capability to be able to be civil even polite and warm if I need to be in group situations. Things like funerals, big birthdays etc.

This is how I try to approach this too

I think my view is I can be completely no contact personally but I am also an adult and have the capability to be able to be civil even polite and warm if I need to be in group situations. Things like funerals, big birthdays etc.

i think that makes it the easier way to live as then other family members don’t need to have bad feelings around them when we have to all be together.

i kind of think of it as a work colleague who I might occasionally have to interact with, so no bad talking behind their back, very vague non committal but not rude opinions if I’m directly asked about them etc but also no direct personal relationship outside of what is necessary. So “the workplace” can see that these two probably don’t like each other but this employee is always professional and polite so it’s not causing issues.

I don't talk to my sister- she took my husband on holiday with her family after he left me for another woman- no, I never understood that either.. we spoke through our dads dementia to support his care etc but now he's gone, there is no further contact. I don't miss her, she is completely unlike me and I would never have picked her for a friend. I think she coveted my ex tbh.

I despise a sibling to and have no contact. Won't visit family if they are there etc. funny enough one of my other sibling also despises him so not just a me problem 😂

Yanbu

Christmas magnifies the BS I’ve got to put up with. My dad once again blew off his blood family for step, and I’ve not spoken to him since before Christmas.

He’ll be waiting for me to call him, and won’t call me, and I’m not going to. He blew me off days before Christmas and will be telling everyone what a terrible DD I am and how his DC don’t care.

My DH doesn’t understand why I just don’t go NC with him, but it’s hard. It’s very upsetting though. I feel that he really treated my mum like shit, and now I’m stepping into the vacancy.

A lot of what you say about your sibling is exactly what my wife's sister is like. Only she hasn't changed but been like it all her life. We (the rest of the family including grown up niece's and nephews)put up with it for pil sake.

However, as it's just mil who is 90+...she is in for a rude shock .

I think it's more common than it seems. My brother and I have loathed each other from childhood, we made each other miserable. As adults, we never see each other through choice. We alternate who spends Christmas with my parents. I've bumped into him once or twice when visiting my mum and when my dad was in hospital. We can be civil for that. But even in those situations he still manages to wind me up. When my parents pass away, he will make dealing with the estate etc more difficult and I doubt I'll ever see him again after the funeral.

And that's just us not getting on or liking each other. Neither of us is violent, aggressive, criminal, an addict etc. So in situations where those additional factors are in play, I imagine bad relationships are even more common.

In answer to your original question, OP, I don't think it's at all common in real life to not keep in touch with immediate family. I only know of one person who doesn't keep in contact with their family and I think this is something that is peculiar to Mumsnet.

My situation doesn't seem as severe as yours @GaslightingNarcissist but I entirely relate to parts of what you said

Christmas is especially hard for those of us who have the misfortune of dysfunctional families. I'm nc with one sibling who has actively hated me since the day I was born and bullied/ harassed me throughout adult years , which unfortunately means I can't have a relationship with any of their children ( I've tried and they're all adults now, but through lies and slander my name has been blackened and they want nothing to do with me), I'm extremely low contact with mother ( see my username for context), other sibling I'm on good terms with although the relationship only developed in latter years for various reasons, and my dad now has dementia and is a care home. I blamed myself for many years for the toxicity of the situation, which wasn't helped by various friends telling me I should forgive and forget as they're " family ". Unless you've grown up with a family where malignant narcissism is at the core and you're given a defined role at birth ( mine being scapegoat) , you'll never get how twisted such families can be. I crave normal, family love.

People tend not to advertise it as there is so many people whose immediate response will be along the lines of "but they are your family ...".

I certainly make a very neutral "think we are just having a quiet one" type comment when friends ask about Christmas plans and they are all hosting the 5000.

I am actively no contact with my parents. I have nothing against my brothers particularly, but we have nothing to say to each other so we send each other Christmas cards and don't stress about otherwise keeping in touch.

Well, there’s no possibility of financially exploiting our penniless parents, but I have a sibling in her late 40s who runs to them with every one of her many difficulties, moves back in with them for weeks or months at a time, and is generally a big emotional burden to two fragile, worry-prone catastrophisers in their 80s. They worry desperately about her all the time, and I think it has a significant impact on their peace of mind.

But that’s between her and them. It’s not my job to police their relationship. If they aren’t happy with the dynamic, they need to be the ones to address it, not me. They won’t, of course, but again, I can’t police that.

Honestly, some of this is likely to be you, OP. The ‘who has the best relationship with the parents’ thing is a classic sibling rivalry thing. The fact is, no one has the ‘exact same upbringing’ as their siblings. I’m one of five, and despite growing up comparatively close in age in the same house with the same parents, we didn’t have at all the same experience of childhood. Plus we have completely different relationships to our parents as adults, ranging from very emotionally dependent to very low contact.

Look, there’s obviously no requirement be friends with your siblings, but I’d be asking myself in your shoes what it is that bothers you so much about your brother.