My DC's dad has them every 27th December. He likes to take them to his uncle's and his mum is there too.
The issue is they only see them once a year so don't really know them. My autistic 12 yo has developed really bad anxiety due to trauma at school and doesn't trust adults beyond close family and friends.
She was reluctant to go to her dad's uncle. I told ex he needed to speak to her as to how he could support her with her anxiety, but he didn't. So I spoke to her at length yesterday about it and she said she would go but was really anxious and wanted to speak to her dad about it. So I asked him to phone her and talk to her again. He phoned her this morning and asked her if she wanted to go. She said 'not really' and he said OK and it was left at that.
So now I have DD today. Which would be fine but I have made plans. Which I now have to cancel. Ex says he can't have her because 'I can't make her come to my uncle's' but also I shouldn't have made plans, I should be flexible because it is Christmas.
I think it is fine for me to make plans on a rare bit of child free time and if he can't be bothered to parent her around her anxiety I shouldn't be the one to have to cancel my plans.