The amount of mess in my house makes me want to cry, cleaning it up constantly makes me want to cry

Could you try toy rotation so box up some toys and put in different room/space then swap after a while etc.
It is relentless. Mine are teens and I have 8 year old twins and it is just starting to be less tidying up wise.
I feel for you. I don't feel like I can chill out until the house is decent but the last couple of years I have waited until just before dinner/bath time to start tidying away otherwise you are wasting time and energy xx

@ldnmm

We have what is probably an average amount of toys but is likely way too much. I only have one DD but she is a whirlwind. I have a general rule that she can have one big thing (Lego etc) out or a few smaller things, but they have to be tidied away before anything else can come out.

And, if it gets to the point where I'm struggling to move round the room without standing on things, everything stops and we all tidy (me and her or me her and DH or just her / her and DH if I'm in the middle of something else) then she can play with one thing again.

Also, storage like ottomans are brilliant. Look like furniture, can add extra seating, and you can chuck SO MANY toys in them and shut the lid. Makes the tidying so much quicker.

Stable door after the horse has bolted though, isn't it? If there is already too much, reducing is the only option. Can't go back in time and not buy things now.

Another for rotating as opposed to getting rid of straight away, also remember the next few years are the worst in terms of toys etc but it means there’s fun in the house and a bit of chaos isn’t the worst thing x it’s just obviously when it gets totally out of control or you find it hard to clean as a result

I think reduced amount of toys/toy rotation.

Storage (trofast? I think it's called - people seem to like them)

Can one area of the house be the 'play room'.

Do you get out of the house? I find sometimes getting out of the house means less mess at home e.g spend all morning out then come home have lunch and then keep the play to an area of the house.

It's hard though I feel the same with mess, it stresses me out.

Yeah but you can still have an immaculate house with toys everywhere- it literally takes ten mins tops at 6pm to bang them away before bath time

It used to bug me too. I used to shut off the rest of the house and stay in the dining room/kitchen until after teatime. Constantly tidying up around them is as pointless as sweeping sand off the beach though so leave it until the end of the day and tidy up then.

Does you house look like a playgroup ? One box of toys a day and one box of books, change every couple of days. Only tidy once a day, there is no point in tidying toys until they are in bed, it's as pointless as trying to hold back the tide. Stop buying so many toys.

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buy some Trofast from ikea ?

You'll rarely see the mess again

Also please be gentle on everyone - they are only kids - keep toys to one room? A playroom or their bedroom and a small box in the living room

Children and especially two year olds are not meant to be born tidying up after themselves

Mess is a part of life, it is constant so you should look within to manage your own expectations imo and not project onto others especially when they can’t really help it (well aside from the giant toddler who you have living with you!)

With regard to the toys, I used to just leave them until the end of the day then I'd have "tidy up time" where the TV would go off, playtime ends and DC have to help put everything away. If it helps you should be able to find a "tidy up song" on YouTube or Google which you can play while they tidy.

Try to encourage them to put one thing away before getting another out. Your four year is old enough to understand the concept.

Are the toys too accessible? I would only have a smallish box of toys accessible and put the rest away and then rotate them periodically. It will mean they actually have to play with what's available rather than just dumping it all out and then not actually playing with it properly.

Behind every unhappy young mother there is a useless cunt of a husband.

Is it possibly a control issue. Sometimes the more stressed and burnt out you are the more you feel the need to have everything perfect. Gets particularly bad at Christmas with everyone home and so much to do. Your husband may be right. It doesn't matter if the house is a mess for a few days.

Just accept your kids are kids and living a happy childhood full of play. Its a very short time in reality... they usually start weening off toys onto technology and more 'grown' interests around 8/9 years old.

Yes, I think that is a really good way of dealing with it.

I would rotate it and be really strict about not adding to it.

I just stopped caring as much tbh. If it's messy during the day when stuff is being played with, I just let it be. It'll be cleared up at the end of the day and as long as it's tidyish at bedtime I'm not that bothered. I write, as I sit surrounded by farmyard animals, ice cream pieces and toot toot track

But I do feel that letting go and just accepting it has made things easier. It doesn't actually take long to tidy up toys at the end of the day, but constantly tidying throughout the day when more mess is bound to be created turned out to be the thing that stresses me.

Every January I always sorted through his toys with him when he was younger after the influx of new Christmas toys into a keep pile and a charity shop pile. Has to be done as they naturally grow out of certain toys and it's just all builds up.

Put 2/3 of the toys into two binbags and put them in the loft.

In a couple of months, put all remaining toys in a binbag. Put that in the loft and bring out one of the other bags instead.

Mess reduced significantly. Children enjoy playing with ‘fresh’ toys. Win win. It saved my sanity.

(obviously any essential toys like bedtime favourite teddy stays available all the time)

Yes, of course, but if you already have the stuff, what are you supposed to do, just keep it all because you have it and don't want to be wasteful?

Buy Marie Kondo’s Life Changing Magic of Tidying. Read it. Do it. It may take months or even years. But once you change your mindset it can really help you to keep on top of things. She says you only need to do it once. That’s not entirely true and I believe that now she’s had children she has changed some of the advice she first swore by! But it’s a great insight into why we hoard stuff, what the issues are with keeping and storing stuff and how we can appreciate what we have.

Toy rotation so they don’t have them all